Keck II Observatory, Hawaii Astronomers at the world's most powerful observatory have trained their optical telescopes to Uranus, the seventh planet in our solar system. The reason for the new found interest in this cold blue world of hydrogen, helium and methane is auditory. For several weeks now astronomers from across the world have detected enormous "blast" sounds emulating from this planet that "sits on it's side".
Head Keck II astronomer Claudius Ptolemaeus the 44th told us "there are some strange things going on out in that region of the solar system. For at least two weeks now our SETI friends have been picking up a tremendous amount of unexpected noise from Uranus. The odd sounds, measuring an unbelievable 5 db on Earth, have traveled over one billion miles from the cold and distant gaseous planet".
"We want to know what this is all about. It probably has something to do with this sphere laying on it's side and all those methane and sulfur gases getting mixed together", stated Ptolemaeus the 44th. SETI eavesdroppers have described the sounds as "bombs", "gastrointestinal eruptions" and "horrible flatulence from the edge". Ptolemaeus the 44th elaborated further "virtually all earth based telescopes and the Hubble Space Telescope are scrutinizing this gas bomb in hopes of picking up some visible clue associated with the audible observations".
One theory, offered by Richard (Wild Irish) Rose , an important individual from NASA headquarters in Houston, goes as such. "Uranus is a big gaseous giant that is constantly on its side. This is causing all of the methane and sulfur to gravitate to the south pole, which is currently facing the direction of the Earth (and Sun). This potent cold mixture must "escape" eventually and thus, the south pole is analogous to my ass, after I've eaten a pizza with sausage, pepperoni, onions, garlic, hot peppers, anchovies...well, you get the picture. These "bombs" are blasting out of the south pole like I do after I eat that pizza. I must admit however, my gas eruptions don't travel a billion miles or more!."
Claudius Ptolemaeus the 44th indicated that he did no agree with the views of Richard (Wild Irish) Rose. Off the record, Ptolemaeus indicated that Rose was an alcoholic and a glue sniffer since the early 1980's. He ended the interview indicating "our Keck II people will be monitoring the visible aspects of Uranus and other scientists will be listening diligently for more eruptions from a billion miles out in space."
3/08
