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"Joint" Venture Opens "Hotel Chateau Crackhouse"

Austin, TX. The dope heads are at it again. Three local drug addicts have pulled what little resources they have together to open up a haven for transient bums, drug fiends, alcoholics, perverts and anyone else who chooses the low-life. The boys announced the opening of "Hotel Chateau Crackhouse", an unrenovated dilapidated dump on Springdale Road.

The three dopers, Heroinballs, Buckminster Brownpants (aka Shitpants) and Mr. Macho Camacho Rambo Sambo saved up their excess cash from their lucrative drug dealings and managed to scrape together $2,000.00 cash. The lummoxes then purchased the decrepit slum dwelling from HUD, for exactly $2,000.00 cash and immediately moved into the vacant dump and had a big neighborhood drug crackout party and "home coming".

That night police were summoned to the Hotel Chateau Crackhouse no less than 13 times with 7 drug addicts and 12 alcoholics being removed from the premise. At one point it was believed the entire building was inhabited by low life scum from the streets of Austin.

The Hotel Chateau Crackhouse has developed a reputation as the place to be for Texas derelicts and bums. Dope heads and alky's have come from as far north as Fort Worth, south from Corpus Christi and west from El Paso.

Heroinballs , who was not completely wrecked at the moment our reporter caught up with him, told us "We are famous. We give you a place to stay, and you give us some of your stash, and we all are happy!"

Rambo Sambo , the business manager and public relations spokesperson for the crackhouse gang told us "I don't know how we are going to pay the taxes, once they become due. We are smoking, snorting, popping and drinking up all the profits! That $2,000.00 was a fluke. I actually stayed sober one night just to accumulate the cash. I don't ever want to do that again. I had pink elephants crawling under my skin. I had to drink a CASE of muscatel the next day just to take the edge off. I'm kind of worried."

The District Attorney and the city solicitor are assessing what can be done legally to close down Hotel Chateau Crackhouse. "We'll get these mother fuckers" was the official word from the Austin DA's Office.

2/08

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