Buckminster popped open another Olde English 800 malt as his hazed up head was swirling in la la land. Getting his courage up was the easy part. The beast slowed down to 60 mph as he saw the red lights on Fanny's Funhouse. "I wonder how Fanny is? Ain't seen her in months". BigBoy Buckminster slammed on the brakes and in the process lost several more bales of Mecklenburg County Carolina golden brown tobacco, but, being all hashed up, never knew of the loss. The goon missed the parking lot for Fanny's, nearly jack-knifed Dolly, and caused yet another accident. Buckminster went over the median and on to 77 South, double backing to Fanny's after he crossed the median back on to 77 North.
This human gorilla swayed into Fanny's with a big bottle of malt in his hand and a pipe full of hash cooking in his face. The dive was packed with red-neck good old country boy tobacco farmers who were bad-mouthing Clinton, the FBI, Dom Capers, Chrysler selling out to those damn Nazi's, Canadian's, non-tobacco users, etc. Brownpants wiped off a big wad of excreted chewing tobacco from one of the bar stools and had a seat next to two 450 lb. Haystack Calhoun look-a-likes.
The bartender, another gruesome toothless monster drooling a steady stream of tobacco out of both sides of his mouth came over and looked Brownpants square in the eyes, without saying a word. One of the Haystack twins slobbered out "he's a good old boy farmer from Lincolnton, Orville" and at that, the bartending beast handed Buckminster a hand full of free gratis chewing tobacco. "What kinda hash you got there, brother?". "Mecklenburg County Carolina fortified hash laced with pure Carolina moonshine, brother" responded BuckyBigBoy. "Give me a hit" and the bowl was passed around to all the bar behemoths, one by one. Buckminster never got it back as the big cromagnon at the end of the bar ate the pipe after he finished off the last of the fortified hash. "I like your style, brother" Haystack 1 drooled out.
"You want Fanny, brother?" "Sure enough brother" as the big boys headed down the hallway singing along with Tex Ritter. The red necks headed to the barn and had a good time pounding cow meat. "She'll make a fine rump roast here next week, boys". Buckminster acknowledged "Brother, I hope to come around for some of that there beef". The boys smoked, chewed, drank and made general pigs of themselves until everyone of the human beasts got his shot. The boys wanted to go back in and drink and smoke more but Buckminster told them he was going to eat a massive plate of sauerkraut and pork sausage and it was back again.
