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Man Prepares for St. Patrick’s Day

Oddball Williams is not your average guy-far from it. The 66 year old unemployed boozehound has been drinking heavily for 55 years now. And now is his time, since it’s near St. Patrick’s Day!

“I like March,” Williams slurred out, in between liter mugs of Wurzberger Brau. “I can drink more than I usually do. A lot of good things happen in March-Ash Wednesday, the first day of Spring, Commonwealth Day (UK), Purim, the new moon, but, most of all- St. Patrick’s Day,” slobbered out the guzzling geezer.

“I never worked a day in my life, and I have no intention of starting now,” stated the man known as Oddball, as he drank his 37th liter of his favorite brew. “I get all the booze I can drink and all the knochwerst I can eat right here at the Fulda baunhoff, all for free.”

Oddball Williams drinks gallons of beer every day. In fact he said he hasn’t missed having a minimum of 25 liters of beer each and every day since one particular day in June of 1971. On that occasion Williams indicated that he got a chicken bone lodged in his throat and he had to be admitted to the local hospital to have the bone removed. Obviously, the hospital staff would not give him any beer, so he only had 14 or 15 liters, before the bone incident and the subsequent hospitalization. Oddball elaborated, “I was discharged the next day and I made up for lost time by drinking 3 full kegs. Had to take the edge off of those pink elephants, Mormons and greenish snakes that were all around me”.

Williams says he gets “fired up” just prior to St. Patrick’s Day. He usually starts drinking twice as much as he usually does 7 to 10 days before the holiday. “That way I can get my tolerance level way up for the big event,” boasted Williams just before he dropped to the floor for the first time. “Never mind, that chair needs to be fixed,” offered the drunkard as he stumbled back to the table for more.

Now, I know you are asking two things. 1) How can one man drink so much for so long and still be alive and 2) How does he get all this beer for free?

The answer to #1 is easy- Oddball Williams is on his way out. He’s got a calcified liver and kidneys that are completely destroyed. He has throat/esophagus cancer, oral cancer, carcinoma of the intestines, prostate, pituitary, pelvis, gallbladder, testicles, cerebellum, maxilla, and spinal cord. Additionally, he has leukemia and diabetes. So, as you can see, this will probably be his “last hurrah”.

The answer to #2 is easier- Oddball Williams is the descendent of one of the Bavarian beer magnates. He set aside 50,000 marks back in 1940 so that Oddball could “drink as much as he wanted for ever” and that fund today is worth over a million marks even though Oddball has done his very best to deplete the fund.

Oddball Williams is not your average guy, by any means. And he’s getting hyped up for the upcoming holiday. “I’ll drink til I drop,” stated the alcoholic guzzler as his head bounced off the table and beer mugs fell to the floor.

2/08

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