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Eastern Mystics Predict Doom

Vishakhapatnam, India. Four famous Eastern mystics have come to the same conclusion. The Earth will be destroyed, and soon!

Shaman Mahavira-juni Lao-Tze Garu-Guru, Swami Arjuna Dhritarashtra IV, Shaman Voo-doo E. Ignoramus and Messiah Nanak Varhamana Abdul-Alibaba II all agree on that, in spite of there differing backgrounds and religious beliefs. “I don’t agree with anything that imbecile Varhamana Abdul-Alibaba II propagates”, stated Shaman Mahavira-juni Lao-Tze Garu-Guru, “but in this case I know he is right! You will die, and soon. I predict the Earth will be consumed in a giant fireball in the next 4 to 13 billion years”.

From his hut in the village outside Sambalpur, Swami Arjuna Dhritarashtra IV predicted a similar fate for our wonderful blue world.
“Garu-Guru, Voo-doo E. Ignoramus and Varhamana Abdul-Alibaba II are all sham artists and charlatans. Everyone knows that. But when they predict doom for the Earth- they are right on the beam! It is in the scriptures that the planet will go up in flames in a billion years or so”.

Smoking a big pipe of fortified hash Shaman Voo-doo E. Ignoramus was pretty somber. “Those false prophets know nothing. All they want to do is stay doped up and have sex with Pakistani women. On the other hand, I am the true “knower”. They say the Earth will end. On that they are right. My way is the correct way. We will go in 30 million to 15 billion years. Mark your calendars.”

And, from his cave on the edge of Mangalore, Messiah Nanak Varhamana Abdul-Alibaba II produced a long vedic script. “Don’t believe anything you hear from those voo-doo worshipers. Yes, we ARE on the verge of destruction. They know that as well as I do. But only a cave dweller like me is truly in touch with nature. The bats told me 50 million to 3.5 billion. Give up your worldly possessions now, or you will never know karma.”

There you have it. Four Indians- all agreeing on the same thing. Looks like you are on your way out.

2/08

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