One night, again at Pedros, after about 10 quarts, 14 packs of Kents, 30 polish sausages, and 6 viewings of Debbie, Wilbur had a problem. He felt and urgent need to piss. Bombed on booze, smoked up like a human-ham, and bloated like a balloon, Wilbur staggered over to Pedros bathroom to let it all out but as he pulled it out his United Urinal Scrubbers Local 51 union card fell into the toilet. Stuppored as he was, Creampuff wasn't going to lose his most treasured possession, so he bent over to retrieve the card from the toilet, but slipped and fell head first into the bowl. His head became wedged in the toilet and he could not pull himself out and he really had to piss and bent over, felt a need to shit, which he did, right there, in the awkward position he was trapped in. One of the other drunks at Pedros walked into the bathroom and, being thoroughly embalmed, began pissing all over Wilbur's head and torso.
As it turned out, Mr. Urinalscrubman could not be dislodged from the bowl until the paramedics crushed the toilet with a sledge hammer. His union card was never recovered and as a result Wilbur was dismissed from the United Urinal Scrubbers. To add insult to injury, he was subsequently fired from his position at the Wilmerding High School due to the fact that he was kicked out of the union. Above and beyond that he was barred from Pedros as he would not pay to have the destroyed toilet replaced. Wilbur was never so demoralized! He vowed he was going to get another job, perhaps as a garbage man, where he would not have to put up with this abuse and humiliation.
