Union Supports Liberal Firearms Policy

Dallas, TX. The Federated Unionized Brotherhood of Local Meat Butchers has endorsed a referendum that could make sweeping changes in the way Texans conduct business and pleasure. The controversial issue was overwhelmingly supported by more than 89% of the union rank and file. 35,078 butchers voted in support of the “Guns for Everyone Initiative” at a Union Pep Rally and All You Can Eat Beef Hoe-down at Texas Stadium in nearby Irving, Texas.

Union President and ruthless manipulative tyrant Baluga H Cornhole spouted off, gloating about the overwhelming landslide support received by his unions boys. “We will straighten out America. Guns for Everyone means just that. If you go to high school, it’s your right to carry a concealed assault pistol! If you are in the mall and some non-union bitch gives you a dirty look, just pull out your .45 and blow out her brains.” The crowd interrupted Baluga with a tremendous roar in response to his rebellious comments. Baluga pulled out his pistol and began shooting wildly into the crowd. He emptied his pistol and got out a 30.06 rifle and began shooting at the steel beams in the roof of Texas Stadium. The crowd went berserk as bullets began flying in all directions.

A solid 15 minutes of mayhem followed before Baluga fired off a bazooka right through the Texas Stadium roof to calm the butchers down. “Now it’s time to eat”, cried out the overweight human e. coli factory. “We killed 400 bulls and cows earlier and they been grilling while you boys were voting, so now comes the time to reap the benefits of your trade.” Thousands of behemoth butchers, foaming at the mouth, with red blood-shot eyes, charged out of the stands and toward the field were beef was being served on 200 lb. slabs. Gun shots could be heard here and there and occasionally a machine gun would send a spray of bullets pinging off the stadium roof.

Before the near riotous crowd was permitted to eat Baluga forced the boys to pay homage to the fallen beef they were about to consume. Cornhole fired his .38 and emptied a symbolic shell in each of the beef slabs “to make sure these cows know their place.” The butchers, salivating like dogs, applauded Baluga H Cornhole's efforts and began consuming beef like wild animals. The range was from bloody all the way to burned to a crisp. The boys devoured everything in sight. Even the bones were consumed.

Fat and happy and satiated to the hilt, the big behemoths started to fall asleep right at the tables on the field but Baluga, the strict authoritarian, would have none of that. Another round of pistol firing started up, this time with both hands active.

Then Baluga H Cornhole dropped the bomb. He announced that as the referendum had passed, each union butcher in attendance would get a free loaded assault rifle as they exited the stadium. He told the boys they were “free to use this mass killing tool as you see fit. Kill your wife, shoot up the neighborhood, destroy the orientals at the mall, whatever suits your fancy.” The beasts went berserk, to which Baluga had a 60 mm cannon fired off, right through the roof of Texas Stadium, effectively ending the Union Pep Rally and All You Can Eat Beef Hoe-down.

11/08

satire-by-sroka is a division of the Dan Sroka Humor Network. If you would like to be notified whenever new writings are added to any of these sites send a BLANK email message to this address: satire-by-sroka-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Network Endorsements and Shopping. The Dan Sroka Humor Network is a totally free, non-revenue producing entity. Please patronize and shop with our partners and help keep America's Leading INDEPENDENT Adult Humor Network free
Endorsements/Shopping