satire-by-sroka #18

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satire-by-sroka

An Abundance of Good Jobs in America

The Federal Government brags about how the American economy is robust and vibrant. Even in times when the stock market is not doing real well there are plenty of jobs available for anyone who is seriously looking to be employed. We carefully perused the American job market “service sector”, which is where the bulk of these so-called jobs are located, and we came up with some interesting examples of what is really available to you. Keep in mind these positions are for entry level people--those who have nothing to offer- no education, no skills, no talent, nothing. So, you can take your average slobbish idiot right off of the street and put them to work in one of these “high demand” positions. Only in America do we have such wonderful opportunities!

Fast Food Restaurant Professional- be a full-time employee in this growing (no pun intended) market. You’ll do everything from flipping greasy burgers to scrubbing the toilet to mopping the greasy floor. You can share your diseases, flu and colds with your customers just by coughing all over the trash you serve up. You’ll get plenty to eat so you’ll just get fatter than you already are. Just think- lots of food and a good salary of about $1.50 hr. What more could you want?

Sanitation Worker- spend your days doing the “peoples work” i.e. scrubbing out toilets and urinals in a major office building. There is a lot of security in this sector because people are always shitting and pissing. Think of all the vapors you’ll take in when you flush the toilets/urinals. A fringe benefit of that is you won’t have to take a shower at home at the end of the workday.

Laborer- you’ll be able to use your real skills on this one- in other words, your back. No education required- just a strong back and a weak mind. Carry 95 lb trays of hod, hand dig a ditch 30 foot deep, move 30,000 pounds of cinder blocks one by one, shovel coal into a boiling hot boiler. That will melt some of your abundant flab away!

Bartender- now that’s a REAL service profession. You like to hit the bottle anyway, so you can do it all day and night. Serve up drinks to drunks, get into the middle of bar room brawls, spread diseases around and get paid for it all! Can’t beat that.

Garbageman/woman- THIS is where the real money is at in the service sector. You will be making over $10 an hour and it’s all you can eat, too. Taking out peoples trash. Sometimes you can even get high on the fumes so you will probably be doing less glue sniffing than you usually do.

Grease monkey- work in this challenging field putting oil in cars, changing blown out tires, washing off dirty trucks, etc. You’ll love the dirt and filth and the blue uniform makes people think you really are a professional

Prostitute- this is where you really will be in the service sector. Give out your meat in return for all the diseases you can contract. The work is steady, as long as you have a nice body

So, clearly the American government knows what it’s talking about. You have a world of opportunities available to you in the service sector of our economy.

11/08

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