New Machine Brews Beer From Your Own Piss

Now we have the invention to end all inventions. Once you get this, you’ll never have another worry. You can quit your job and retire. You’ll never have to pay taxes again. Trash your mortgage. Throw out your wife and those damn kids, while you are at it. All you will have to do is piss, and this baby transforms your urine and bile into fresh brewed beer. So, you’ll have a perpetual supply of strong beer to keep you bombed, day in and day out, until you die.

The Piss-O-matic Brewmeister is the brainchild of several die-hard booze kings. Rambo Sambo, a man known as Piss (abbreviated for Pissbucket Ignoramus Sludge Santos) and Buckminster Shitpants, three of the biggest alcoholics to ever live, pulled their creative resources and know-how together and came up with this devise that will transform your liquid waste into fresh brewed beer.

Sambo, who has been making booze at home for years explains. “I wanted to have an economical way to make beer cheaply. Brewing my own shit at home costs a lot. Hops, grains, water. I’d read somewhere about those crazy fucking Russian astronauts recycling and drinking their own piss on the space ships out near Mars. It gave me the idea... Why can’t I make beer from piss?”

Buckminster interrupted the boozeking... “you god damn liter. I made the Piss-O-matic after I got tired of going to the beer outlet 5 times a day to get cases and kegs of beer. With my invention, all you do is flood the toilet like receptacle with gallons of urine and the machine does the rest. Within one hour you’ll be drinking strong brew that just passed through your liver, kidneys and bladder”.

Piss popped in that he was the real creator of the Piss-O-matic. “Everyone knows I’m the inventor of the ‘urban urinal’. And no one has more of an incentive to drink lots of beer and piss a lot than me. And, now it’s all free.”

The boozeboys invited us over to have a look at the contraption. Very much like a toilet with a very large brewing vat attached, the Piss-O-matic is a crudely made system that really does work. The three were collectively standing around the receptacle pissing all over the place, just to see who could piss the most. Then, they immediately headed to the dispensing unit, just like your beer keg tap, adjacent to the toilet, and started drinking big liter mugs of fresh brewed beer. Then, it’s back to the toilet unit... over and over.

Now, obviously, you want to know what the Piss-O-matic costs. Well, Buckminster said the patented device will run about $6.500 and about another $1,000 to have it installed in your home. It’s worth it, for a never ending supply of beer for you to stay drunk on. And, if you order today, you’ll receive absolutely free, a toilet scrubbing brush.

Be the first on your block to get the Piss-O-matic. Orders are being accepted via email. Send your electronic payment and order information to 82828@visto.com. You will be drinking your own piss in less than a month. Ummmmmmmm, pissssssssss!

4/08

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