Oddball Williams Dies

(Obituary) Fulda, Germany. A man who’s claim to fame was drinking more beer than anyone else ever before has succumbed to his vice. 67 year old booze hound/derelict “Oddball Williams” was found dead in the Fulda Baunhoff. The guzzler had reportedly sudsed up about 110 liters of strong German brew, at no less than 14 knockwurst and weinersnitzel stands in the train station, before being found dead near a flooded urinal by the night janitor.

Wilbur Creampuff, the urinal scrubber that discovered Williams laying in his own body fluids stated “I’d seen the old bum getting tossed out of one stand after another. He usually didn’t have more than 100 liters in any one day unless it was near St. Patrick’s Day, so I knew something was wrong”, cried out Creampuff as he rinsed yellow stains out of his dirty, smelly mop.

Oddball was truly an odd character, and his peculiar life circumstances surely contributed to his claim to fame and his final demise. Born into a rich family of alcoholics, Oddballs Dad set aside a large sum of money for him to utilize when Oddball was just a little boy. That money grew over the years appreciably and Oddball started to hang out at the local train stations. He started drinking there at age 11, and quickly turned alcoholic himself. Still, in spite of Oddballs attempts to do his best to squander all the money on beer, the principle kept growing, enabling the drunkard to claim he’d hit more beer than any person in recorded history. Estimates are his consumption of strong baunhoff brew would fill the Gulf of Mexico and all of the Great Lakes, with overflow filling the Ohio, Missouri and Mississippi Rivers down to New Orleans.

Oddballs only real claim to fame was a token brief appearance last year on “Drunkards Island- Survivor Series”. He had a cameo role extinguishing a hut fire with one of his strong streams of smelly beer urine.

Williams refused to stop drinking, up to his death. He had several terminal illnesses and diseases, including cirrhosis of the liver and pulverized kidneys. He stated many times that he could not live without gallons of beer daily and he frequently complained that Mormons were following him if he’d go without beer for more than an hour or two.

Bundesbordelloland supreme leader Fuhrer Braunsweiger Helmut III paid homage to the booze king from the BundesCastle with the following statement: “We have lost a great man with the passing of Oddball Williams. He was solely responsible for the monumental growth and prosperity of the entire German beer industry over the last 50 plus years.”

In keeping with his wishes, Oddball Williams will be entombed in a see through vat of Bock beer. His memorial monument will sit in the middle of the Fulda train station, serving as a tribute to alcoholic booze hounds across Bundesbordelloland.

10/08

satire-by-sroka is a division of the Dan Sroka Humor Network. If you would like to be notified whenever new writings are added to any of these sites send a BLANK email message to this address: satire-by-sroka-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Network Endorsements and Shopping. The Dan Sroka Humor Network is a totally free, non-revenue producing entity. Please patronize and shop with our partners and help keep America's Leading INDEPENDENT Adult Humor Network free
Endorsements/Shopping