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Kid Goes Crazy and Pulls Out All His Teeth

Wheeling, WV. A young fool made the national news yesterday when he went absolutely berserk at his kindergarten class and pulled out all his teeth with a pair of vice grip pliers. The toothless imbecile claimed he executed this masochistic act because his kindergarten teacher belittled him in front of his peers and classmates.

The young goon, known by his fellow students as “ Oxen Ollie ” has been sent to the local psychiatric clinic for observation and clinical tests to ascertain if he is any further threat to himself or others. The boy has been expelled from the Ward 9 Public School and Kindergarten as a result of his self- destructive behavior.

Oxen Ollie’s former teacher, Brenda Halitosis, informed the press that the troubled boy was nothing but a negative disruptive influence on the other students in the class. “Everything was me, me, me with Ollie" stated Halitosis. So, in order to teach him that he is not the center of the universe, I made him put on the class dunce cap and sit in the corner like the stooge he is. All the boys and girls were laughing at this stupid nerd and he apparently went nuts because of the ridicule he was experiencing from his classmates”.

Halitosis continued her chronology- “The next thing I knew the imbecile was over there covered in blood and everyone was screaming and crying. It was absolutely chaotic. I saw him just as he pulled out his last incisor. I don’t know where he obtained the pliers, but I believe his Dad is a laborer or some other unskilled dumbbell so I can only guess the stupid kid brought them in from home”.

“I’m glad he’s been expelled. The kid was so stupid he wouldn’t know to take a shit when nature called. In fact, I suspect he shit in his pants regularly, from the odor that emulated from him!”

Ollie’s Dad said he has had a lot of trouble with his ignorant son. “I’ve beaten his ass many times, and when he gets out of the nuthouse I’m gonna pound the shit out of that fool. He’s lucky he doesn’t have any teeth left, for I’d knock em right down his little throat”. Ollie’s Mother was not available for comment as she was reportedly drinking heavily at the local pub and strip joint, where she works full time.

The boy is currently in a padded cell at the psychiatric clinic.

Produced for an ezine, 5/99

3/08

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