Questions and Answers
I just have to tell someone this. I'm a seasoned vet, having touched all sphere's
of the business. I've seen all kinds. From businessmen in three pieced suits and top hats to drug addicts right out of the gutters. The whole gamut. But the other night, a strange one came in. He is a well known former NFL superstar! Anyone would recognize him immediately. He wanted me to give him "the works", the upper echelon sadistic approach. So, as I'm horse whipping him before the video camera, just after I reamed him out with my super long electric strap-on dildo, he begged me to pull a Marlena Bobbit on him. Yes, he actually pleaded with me to chop off his penis! He then handed me a razor sharp butcher knife and made me slice off his pickle. But that was not the end! He ate his own organ right there, and it's all captured on video tape. Believe it or not, he survived the ordeal and he told me he plans on marketing the tape nationwide as a "collector's item" and "keepsake memorial". I told him that I wanted 25% of the royalties since I am an integral part of the entire affair and he threatened to kill me, with that same butcher knife. At that point I manhandled his bloody ass and tossed the pervert out into the street. Can you believe this mother fucker?!
Bulldyke Gertrude,
Palo Alto, CA.
Dear Bulldyke:
Unfortunately, I think I do believe you. Too bad you can't file a civil lawsuit against this pervert. There certainly are a lot of weirdos out there in Calif.
Hey Magpie:
I got a strange situation I really need some help with. I was looking around on the internet a few weeks ago and I began to think of my glory days when I was a handsome macho-man stud. Man, I pounded the babe's like no one before or after. So, I got the idea of doing a search for some of my old flames. I plugged in the name of a girl I wore out back in the 70's and not only did I find her right away but I came across (no literary pun intended) a photo of her. Haven't seen her in 25 years. Man, what a difference a quarter century makes! Here, all along I was remembering this sleek beautiful babe that would give you a chain-gang work out 10-15 times each night and low and behold, now, she's a living battleship. I can tell it's her, by her face and the scar she had over her eye but, wow, this is hard to believe! Needless to say I made no attempt to get in touch with this beast. I'm going to dig out all of my old photos of her naked and burn them. Man, I am stunned!
Chieftain Hakio Hardturd
Mr. Hardturd:
You clearly have a lot of lesson's to learn in life! You too are probably a big
human gorilla slob. I wonder what "scar-face" would have to say about The best thing for archaic relics that chose to hang around in their pasts is
several bullets right through the cerebral cortex. Do you have a gun handy?
Email
magpie
5/08
