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Dan Sroka's Unpublished Proceedings presents Drunkards Island- Survivor Series
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Drunkards Island - Survivor Series
What happens when you gather up a group of die-hard roughneck alcoholics, wretched boozers, fiendish drug addicts, and hard-drinking ruthless sluts, place them on a tropical island, and tell them that all they need to do is survive- and the lone survivor will get a years supply of booze? What happens is monumental chaos!
We selected the scum of the scum. Many of our readers already know and are familiar with these tramps, skumbags, human shitbuckets, filthy vagrants, and unreliable human wretches! These people are really the most vile and sleazy crop you will ever come to know. We’ve put them all together on a nearly uninhabited tropical island, with nothing but their own resources (essentially all the booze and drugs they could bring with them) and told them- “it’s every man and woman for themselves”. Some of these vagabonds are friends. Some are bitter to-the-death enemies. All are ruthless drug addicts and/or alcoholics.
We will periodically inform you of what transpires on this quest. Drunkards Island - Survivor Series will keep you informed of all the gory details. Who killed who, why and how. Which bums are shacking up with which sluts. What strange bed-fellows develop.
Who will win the big booze cache? We have some ideas! In fact, the odds-on-favorites are presented below. The higher the wretch is on our list, the more likely we believe they have a solid bonafied chance at getting a years free alcohol. Before you lay bets, however, review our Survivor Series contestants. Look through their histories- see which is crafty enough to outfox his/her fellow boozehounds. Who is the hungriest of these desperate assholes? Who will become the Drunkard Island Survivor?
The Mogougou Boys in action
Before you familiarize yourself with the players, however, learn a little about Mogougou Island. Officially titled “Mogougou Srivli Zenomandi Ollipoggi ”, this tropical paradise just recently obtained its independence from the British Empire. The small Pacific Rim nation has only 47 people. Meet the Mogougou Boys President Srijgihi Veldondo Aspratomomonus. He will take you on a quick tour of this island wonderland and tell you about the “Peoples Hash-egg Hut. And learn why they swallow their eggs whole. Remember, this is a group of hard-core druggies and alks that will be housed on Mogougou Island!
Now- on to the contestants. The assholes that will partake in this endeavor for the ultimate prize- one years free booze! These goons will do anything for a drink- mame- kill- mutilate themselves. So- there will be a lot of shenanigans going on, week by week, on Drunkards Island - Survivor Series. Review these slobs histories. Who do you think will have the intestinal fortitude to survive?
Here’s the players:
Rambo Sambo
This boozehound has been sucking up the liquor longer than most people have been alive! In and out of jail more times than anyone in history for public drunkenness, assault and booze related escapades, this union-boy is the top seed to score the big booze cache. Find out why in the histories below
Record 1 | Record 2 | Record 3 | Record 4 | Record 5 | Record 6 | Record 7 | Record 8 | Record 9 | Record 10 | Record 11 | Record 12 | Record 13 | Record 14 | Record 15 | Record 16 | Record 17
Dr. Poindexter Skinflint
This professional alky is our dark-horse candidate. He has the rudimentary skills to assist his fellow man, yet he chooses to take the low road. He can hit the bottle hard and he takes his vitamins, even though he’s nothing buy a human alcohol sponge. We suspect he has perhaps the best chance of surviving a long, grueling ordeal on Drunkards Island - Survivor Series. His histories are below
Record 1 | Record 2 | Record 3 | Record 4 | Record 5 | Record 6 | Record 7 | Record 8 | Record 9 | Record 10 | Record 11
Baluga H Cornhole
One mean, ornery manipulator that would as soon kick your ass as hit a lot of booze. An angry old bastard, his age is against him, but his tenacity and ruthlessness make him a top candidate to win all the booze he can suck up. He’s a close friend of Buckminster Shitpants, also a contestant. These two gay boys could form an alliance to sabotage and undermine all others on Drunkards Island. His ugly historical records appear below
Record 1 | Record 2 | Record 3 | Record 4 | Record 5 | Record 6 | Record 7 | Record 8 | Record 9 | Record 10 | Record 11 | Record 12 | Record 13 | Record 14 | Record 15 | Record 16 | Record 17 | Record 18 | Record 19 | Record 20 | Record 21 | Record 22 | Record 23 | Record 24 | Record 25 | Record 26 | Record 27
Hakio Hardturd
This fucking wretch is as big of a wasted boozehound that you will ever meet. Constantly drunk, even when he’s stone sober- Hardturd is one hard-core alcoholic. Dumb, stubborn, illiterate, untrainable with no skills- yet- he knows how to find the booze. His health ain’t good, but he might just survive long enough to get the prize- enough booze to kill him off. Note: Hakio Hardturd and Sambo Rambo go way back together! Read Hardturds mess below
Record 1 | Record 2 | Record 3 | Record 4 | Record 5 | Record 6 | Record 7 | Record 8 | Record 9 | Record 10 | Record 11 | Record 12 | Record 13 | Record 14 | Record 15 | Record 16 | Record 17 | Record 18 | Record 19 | Record 20
Sheister Slob Doughboy
This overweight worthless sham artist prick is really the scum of the scum. Hated by everyone- this mother fucker is a loner and out for himself only. The obese drunkard is always mooching off of anyone and everyone. He’s a living leech. We are hoping he will be one of the first to be killed off- the no-good MFer! Here’s some info on this worthless prick
Record 1 | Record 2 | Record 3 | Record 4 | Record 5 | Record 6 | Record 7 | Record 8 | Record 9 | Record 10 | Record 11 | Record 12 | Record 13 | Record 14 | Record 15 | Record 16 | Record 17 | Record 18 | Record 19
Belinda Ballbusto
The highest rated female of the alcoholic contestants for Drunkards Island - Survivor Series, Belinda is a hard-drinking, roughneck slut that can hold her own with the glass (or bottle) and in any bar-room brawl. She's got a bad reputation as a man hater and it’s known she doesn’t like or get along with any of these goons present. Look out- Belinda has a viable chance to get the booze! Read up on Belinda below
Record 1 | Record 2 | Record 3
Also known as Brownpants, this former truck driver, hash-head and alcoholic is a roughneck dude. Abusive and obnoxious- he’s administered, as well as taken many an alcoholic assbeating! This 300 + pound vagabond would be ranked higher, except that his big lummox ass is not in good health- from all the booze he’s consumed for over 35 years. The ugly details are herein
Record 1 | Record 2 | Record 3 | Record 4 | Record 5 | Record 6 | Record 7 | Record 8 | Record 9 | Record 10 | Record 11 | Record 12 | Record 13 | Record 14 | Record 15 | Record 16 | Record 17 | Record 18 | Record 19 | Record 20 | Record 21 | Record 22 | Record 23 | Record 24 | Record 25 | Record 26
Pissbucket Ignoramus Sludge Santos
This guy is one alcoholic machine. From the moment he wakes up in the morning to the time he passes out for the final time at the end of the day he does nothing but drink! Only problem is- he’s pretty sickly. He’s living day by day- and might be dead tomorrow. Read about this prick here
Record 1 | Record 2 | Record 3 | Record 4 | Record 5 | Record 6 | Record 7 | Record 8 | Record 9 | Record 10
Heroinballs
Another absolutely worthless human piece of shit- this drug addict should be shot and put out of his misery. But, he’s embalmed on every drug known to man, and he’s a big boozer too. He is given only an outside chance at scoring the big booze cache since his motivational level is in question. He’s no doubt more interested in drugs- and this could work to his detriment. Read about the wretch here
Record 1 | Record 2 | Record 3 | Record 4 | Record 5 | Record 6 | Record 7 | Record 8 | Record 9 | Record 10 | Record 11 | Record 12 | Record 13 | Record 14 | Record 15 | Record 16 | Record 17
Wilbur Creampuff
Drinking heavily for years has left this wimpish twerp in the back-seat of life. He’s a cautious, timid scum-bag that is afraid of his shadow. Still, he might find a years supply of booze enough to enable him to win it all, but don’t bet on it. Read about the twerp here
Record 1 | Record 2 | Record 3 | Record 4 | Record 5 | Record 6 | Record 7 | Record 8 | Record 9 | Record 10 | Record 11 | Record 12
Bo Kim Hole
This oriental chink likes to drink and smoke- and that’s what her life is about. When she was younger she had a history of shacking up with guys, and she still got the looks- so expect some hanky- panky manipulation out of this Korean liquor machine and tobacco factory. She can be found here
Record 1 | Record 2 | Record 3 | Record 4 | Record 5 | Record 6 | Record 7 | Record 8
Casper Milk-toast Yesman
Another twerp afraid of his own shadow, this closet alcoholic is a very long shot. He is a friend (some say lover) of the loser Wilbur Creampuff- so these two wimps might work together to have a collective effect on the outcome as to who actually ends up the King of the Drunkards Island - Survivor Series. Read up on the punk here
Record 1 | Record 2 | Record 3 | Record 4 | Record 5 | Record 6 | Record 7 | Record 8
Ice Princess
Small, fragile, lovely, a manipulator and an alcoholic and smoke fiend- the only chance she’d have to win the years booze would be if she could use her sexual charms to get what she wants. No one gives IP much of a real chance, but she has the ability to make things interesting. IPs log is listed here
Record 1 | Record 2 | Record 3 | Record 4 | Record 5 | Record 6 | Record 7 | Record 8 | Record 9 | Record 10 | Record 11 | Record 12 | Record 13 | Record 14
Oddball Williams
This alcoholic asshole is worthless. A half-dead walking zombie. We are not sure he’s alive even now. He was only permitted to be a contestant because he’s drank more than anyone alive- and he probably won’t be alive for much longer. Here’s the feedback we have of this imbecile
Record 1 | Record 2 | Record 3
Special Note: The records listed above on each contestant are by no means complete. In fact, there are scores and scores of other references to these goons that are not listed here. If you need more information on these perverts, go to the search engine link above (in the resource tool bar), click on search, and type in the name of the individual you are interested in. This will give you detailed and complete references to the wretch
Copyright © Dan Sroka, 7/22/00, 
3/08
Drunkards Island -Survivor Series and The Unpublished Proceedings are a division of the Dan Sroka Humor Network. If you would like to be notified whenever new writings are added to any of these sites send a BLANK email message to this address: satire-by-sroka-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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