Dan Sroka's Digital Diarrhea News Service News Briefs V4

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Dan Sroka's Digital Diarrhea News Service News Briefs V4

Safe Sex Phenomenon Sweeps the Globe

Warsaw, Poland (DDNS) The new millennium has brought changes. Some are less apparent than others. One of those changes has to do with interpersonal sexual interactions between people. It seems that young people across the entire planet are now obsessed with safe sexual practices. It’s out with real sex and in with pseudo-sex!

Who better to address the issue than the famous sexpot Frauline Fellatio Freda, oral sex queen and experienced bordello employee. “I used to give out sex like candy. No more” stated FFF. “All you’ll get from me is a mutual ass rub from now on!” The “ass rub” she is referring to is the latest craze to sweep Europe and is now reported taking hold in Calif. and Texas in the USA.

“Ass rubbing is the way to have totally safe sex” announced Senorita Stimclit, another expert in the field of sexual delights. “Pseudo-sex, of which ass rubbing is the prevalent mode, is all the rage. No more messy juices all over everything! That’s specifically banned. Safe sex is here to stay. And you can do it with anyone- male- female- it don’t matter”, stated Stimclit, as she pulled her hand out of her tight fitting jeans.

So, you can forget about ever having REAL sex again! It’s all pseudo-sex from now on. Try it out- you may like it!

Farmers Report Pigs Fucking Like Crazy

Fulda, Minn. (DDNS) Scientist have been alerted to an epidemic of porcine propagation. Across the planet, farmers are reporting their pigs are fucking like there is no tomorrow. Some pigs are neglecting eating- if you can believe that, and just having sex all day and all night.

Farmer Hoover Damster III, who has nearly 50,000 swine on his farm at Fulda, told DDNS- “I’ve never seen anything like it. My pigs are actually losing weight. They are not eating- just fucking until they drop. Never saw anything like it.”

Zoologists consulted on this epidemic concur that the phenomenon is a direct result of all the pigs being killed off just prior to the western holiday of Christmas. “The pigs can sense that their collective numbers have decreased, so they go HOG WILD and fuck until they drop” stated one famous animal scientist who refused to give his identity. This theory is apparently valid, since it is reported that pigs in Israel, where pork is not eaten, are just laying around, getting fatter by the second. “Our pigs never fuck”, stated Rabbi Emanuel Berkovitz, from his kibbutz in the Israeli desert. “All they do is eat- eat- eat and sleep.”

Babe Offers A View From the South

Miami, Fl. (DDNS) Vacationing in south Florida, star DDNS reporter Helena Frenulum Hymen decided to give all of you male readers of Digital Diarrhea News Briefs a little post-holiday thrill via an enticing photo.

Hymen spread it all for our DDNS photographer. “I want the boys out there to see that I’m having a good time down here in south Florida. Don’t you wish you were with me? It’s just me all by my lonesome, lying here on the beach, waiting for the right stud to come along and give me a big thrill!” commented Hymen between sips of her orange flavored seltzer water.

Hymen further elaborated- “I like this southern stuff. It’s always more fun from the lower side”. Dream on, you horny nerds!

3/08

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