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Dan Sroka Presents Digital Diarrhea Volume #27

Eccentric Pricks Pose Threat to Al Qaeda Network

A group of ruthless perverts, hate-filled zealots, and mean-spirited manipulating bastards have been working for months on a clandestine operation that will destroy the Al Qaeda terrorist network. This subversive operation, based in the Negev Desert and led remotely from command posts in Antwerp, Belgium, Bamberg, Germany and secret locations in The United States, has a sophisticated and formidable plan of action to annihilate and demolish bin Laden and his followers.
Hymen

Digital Diarrhea star reporter Helena Frenulum Hymen teamed with sister publication Unpublished Proceedings lead reporter Alena Ivanovna to infiltrate this operation. This exclusive story can only be published in Digital Diarrhea. Helena was initially dispatched to Bamberg, where she did extensive “undercover” work and subsequently shifted to Antwerp where she was disguised as a bagel flipper in order to learn the inner workings of the secret operation dubbed “Tower of Babel”. In contrast, Alena befriended certain key manipulators and controllers in the desert and later at the secret American locations where the Tower of Babel group will conduct its clandestine plan.

For obvious reasons, most importantly confidentiality, neither reporter can divulge certain key components of the multi-level plan to destroy the terrorist. But Digital Diarrhea twisted a few frail arms and man-handled the two employees, bringing them to their knees, to obtain key information that you will find exclusively in this publication. The following are pertinent facts related to the Tower of Babel gang and how they will purge the Al Qaeda group from the face of the earth.
Crazy fucker Baluga H Cornhole

Tower of Babel ring-General and organizer is none other than one of the most hated human beings alive today- the ruthless prick, Machiavellian tyrant Baluga H Cornhole. “Mean spirited Baluga has put millions of dollars that he stole from stockholders in recent corporate scandals into the clandestine Tower of Babel operation,” commented Alena, as she ate a ham and cheese bagel and sipped from her jug of King Solomon fortified wine. “Baluga is old, but he is also wise. “No one is a more ruthless, more cunning than this fucking tyrant! He has vowed to wipe out these terrorists because they represent a threat to his plan to dominate the entire global economy and world markets,” stated Alena. “And, to prove he means business, Baluga had 100 million tons of e. coli laced raw pork shipped to the middle east. Guess what’s going to happen with that?” smirked Alena, just before she rushed to the nearest ladies room with a very bad case of the shits.

Hymen took over announcing the Tower of Babel field-General as the famous Rabbi Emanuel Berkovitz. “Armed with top secret weapons and sophisticated, innovative tools from the perverted genius Dr. Ezzard Scrotumballs, the Rabbi will lead the subversive operation. “One item I am permitted to mention is the ‘Scrotumballs Cornholer virus’. If I were bin Laden, I’d be shitting like Alena is right now,” laughed reporter Helena Frenulum Hymen.

“The anal pipe bomb, viral warfare agents, satellite surveillance, tons of pork and billions of gallons of fortified wine are only the tip of the iceberg. Keep an eye on the desert,” were the last words uttered by reporter Hymen. She abruptly clammed up, as if her lips were catatonically frozen, and ran for the nearest ladies room.

There you have it- exclusively from Digital Diarrhea! bin Laden- you better literally be “covering your ass!”.

3/08

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