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Dan Sroka November 1996 Calendar

11/1 Human bulldozer stooge beluga Walleye wrecks yet another computer. Bluebirds on the telegraph line are happy now.
11/1 Chiefs Cafe gets ready for another friday blowout. Wirepulling Sambo, hung-over from last night-has a stiff neck
11/1 Polls show Clinton 37 points ahead of Dole. Newt and Barry fight it out in alleyway behind the courthouse
11/1 Kenny takes (dead) Aunt Penny to Dr. Wecht. See (dead) Aunt Penny at...............www.kennyross.com
11/1 drunkard lumoxes Buckminster Brownpants, Sambomoneyman, Smokin Joe Pman + HB locked up in county jail (as usual)
11/1 In the lockup- drunk/stoned Heroinballs tells Pman he got a 5% pay increase--a major fiasco developes
11/1 Aint no church bells ringing- aint no flags unfurled. Mark Furhman and Johnnie Cochran have lunch at Sam + Daves
11/1 Paskahousu Brownpants erupts--entire county jail evacuated in an emergency! EMS put on alert
11/1 internet rubberneck DS gets excited at---- http://poetryx.guinet.com/Poems/1995/1995_09/PXP00374.HTM
11/1 Bam tells Modell...give me 20 hits of murder 8 and Ill run all over the Bengals! Modell asks who got murdered?
11/1 David gives Bam 59 oz of straight fentanyl. Heroinballs calls 800-359-4968 to JetTrain (express) to Baltimore
11/1 Disco fever takes over as polka-queen PLG dances til 4 am. NO Saints change name to NO Chance
11/2 BigPicture, hung-over with a severe nose-bleed...sneeks into WPIC to pull wires as union members saw logs
11/2 Diesel and Razor Ramon switch to WCW + Hall and Nash sign with WWF. Perfect/Sycho win tag team over Blassee/UT
11/2 Lumox beluga Stinkman hooks up a xenon gas feed in his house to stay PULVARIZED every hour of the day
11/2 Lonely Porcupine Pman smokes 3 tobys and logs in to-- http://personalspage.com -- to find that special someone
11/2 Holy-roller slobbish Doughboy gets up on his soap box as his lard-ass wife hits 33 straight pancakes w/ MD 20-20
11/2 Earthquake rocks Belize. Bruce Hornsby rocks the Range. Clinton rocks Newt. British Columbia rocks Ottawa
11/2 At a union rebel-rouser meeting SAA + Gail blast King Farouk. A riot breaks out and 2,015 put in county jail
11/2 Eric, Heroinballs and Bam found comatose in a west Baltimore sewer. Art asks if anyone was murdered?
11/2 Mr. Pman gets a date....smokes a footlong wet dank....drives his 65 Nova to the south side for a good time
11/2 A riot breaks out at Calgary as Saskatchewan destroys Stampeders 96-0. Toronto eats the Tiger-Cats raw
11/2 Yellowbuckets sold for a dime after reading.......... http://192.220.232.190/cgi-bin/idic/joe/.4.1.4.0.0.2.1.0
11/2 Amy Chow marries Jimmy Carter...Amanda Borden marries Bud Grant ...Ernie Terrell marries Cyndi Lauper
11/3 Gambler Lilliput calls 800-445-9475....having a sever angina attack (post sermon) Doughboy calls 800-621-5775
11/3 Pillsbury watermellon Preacherman climbs Jacobs Ladder + his wig-headed wife slops down 40 scrambled eggs
11/3 Rejuvinated Bam runs for 277 yards as the Ravens crush Shula-less Bengals 72-3. Art smokes a foot-long from Bam
11/3 Mr. H. Hardturd gets info at: 888-792-5800, 800-841-3248, 800-345-4828, 800-842-5519 + 800-7724194
11/3 Wash. 32-Buffalo 0, Oilers 19-Seattle 0, NYG 2-Arizona 0, Pittsburgh 30-St. Louis 0, Indianapolis 41-SD 15
11/3 Buckminster Brownpants organizes the-- Federal Brotherhood of Stooge-Lumox Belugas-- thousands join immediately
11/3 Chicago chops up Edmonton 5-0, Dallas plays the Blues 4-0, Colorado eats cooked Ducks 3-1, Montreal 9-Pheonix 0
11/3 Dole calls Zyuganov. Gore calls Yeltsin. Perot calls Idi Amin. Kemp calls Major. Clinton calls Netanyahu.
11/3 kak Paskahousu Walleye eats 44 beef burritos at Taco Bell then destroys mens (and ladies) rooms
11/3 SJMFs get their rocks off with---- http://www.pstat.ucsb.edu/~rodrigue/sheister.stm
11/3 Smokin Joe Porcupine finishes up his SS business and heads back up Forbes Ave in his Fred Flinstone-mobile
11/4 Clinton meets with Paula. Hillary meets with Elanor. Jack Kemp visits Nixons grave. Dole sticks a pencil in his neck
11/4 White House goes into high security mode. CIA puts stooge-beluga Stinkman on WH perimiter to ward off anyone
11/4 Heroinballs and Pman have a royal fistfight after arguing who should be President. Sambo has a monumental nose bleed
11/4 Dole calls Marion Barry, Kemp calls George Bush, Zyuganov calls Gore, Amin calls Clinton, Newt calls Quale
11/4 Clinton summons Sambo Nosebleed to the White House to pull ISDN wires immediately. Sambo and Paskahousu in WH!
11/4 Clinton calls Greenspan--all of a sudden Wall Street skyrockets to record high of 7532. Wirepuller calls his broker
11/4 In a conference call- Clinton/Gore/Amin/Newt/Kemp/Bush/Major/Yeltsin/Thatcher + Sambo invest in Mildew Spores
11/4 Federal Brotherhood of Stooge-Lumox Belugas endorses the Ross Perot ticket. Pman + Heroinballs agree its PEROT!
11/4 White House goes into super-high security mode...Paskahousu Stinking Walleye eats beans/perogies/refried beans, etc.
11/4 In a conference call- Kemp/Clinton/Gore/Carter/Ford/Gorby/Amin/Teddy/Marcos + Mondale remember the old days
11/4 An all-night party at the White House...SamBigPicture pulls wires all night. Stinkman blows gas all night......
11/4 Sham-artist Doughboy tries to figure out how he can vote twice tomorrow. Wig-woman picks ticks out of her main wig
11/5 Doughboy goes to the polls at 7 am and votes. Doughboy wears his wifes black wig and votes a second time
11/5 Smokin Pman, uncertain about Perot, smokes a carton of Kents before deciding...votes for Gore + Kemp
11/5 Mr. Heroinballs, full of crack/speed + opium gets to the voting machine but passes out before pulling a lever!
11/5 SAA, Gail, PLG, IP and SJMF wig-head all vote their conscience. Sweating Sambo pulls wires-no chance to vote
11/5 At 7:13 am CBS reports that it projects Clinton/Gore landslide victors. Gastrointestinal Beluga sleeps on WH lawn
11/5 Mysterious power outages leave the majority of the east coast in mass caous...Maine to Florida--no power
11/5 millions unable to vote as a major power blackout cripples everything! No power all the way to the Mississippi
11/5 Yeltsin tries to call Washington but cant get through. Netanyahu tries to send a congradulatory fax-but its a no-go
11/5 Power is out for hours and hours....the White House candles burn. A lot of condoms are getting worked out nationwide
11/5 CNN/NBC/CBS + ABC switch operations to the west coast- get back in service--report no power..but lots of action
11/5 PBS bulletin.... a new baby boom is in the making....maternity wards nationwide expand for the coming wave
11/5 In a fevered frenzy, miners cap on, Machoman RamboSambo pulls wires all over the candle lit White House
11/5 lumox stooge Paskahousu Walleye sleeps like a log- breathing his own gasious fumes on the WH lawn
11/6 nation devistated...communications shutdown... the free-world is back in the Neanderthal period
11/6 Hardturd tells nose-bleed Sambo to pull electrical wires- not ISDNs. Machoman and Stinkman pull aluminum wire all over!
11/6 KABC reports that 8 headed aliens from Mars are responsible for this catastrophe...Ross Perot says its a conspiracy
11/6 Wall Street loses trillions as markets are all shut down. Looting epidemic sweeps the east. Thousands murdered
11/6 Clinton declares the US a Police State...everyone to stay in their homes until power is restored
11/6 On the west coast, Sagan and Jimmy Olsen hold a news conference with someone named --Stooge-Lumox Beluga--
11/6 Stooge-Lumox Beluga informs media he is a Martian and he is responsible for the east power outage/election hold
11/6 Riots wreck Boston, fires destroy Tampa, Philadelphia + Memphis, civil-disorders paralize NYC, Buffalo + Columbus
11/6 Con Edison plant hit by truck bomb-400 killed. Doughboy robs the state store to get some Mogen David
11/6 NASA turns Hubble Telescope 230 degrees-reflecting suns rays on the east coast at night----new midnight sun
11/7 Power suddenly restored after an estimated 88 octillion dollars damage, 2 million deaths + 4 million jailed/hospitalized
11/7 Election results tabulated and certified: Clinton 2,104,016...Dole 1,919,030...Perot 120
11/7 33 states go bankrupt as 711 hits on the daily #...payout 44 octillion dollars...nation goes hog-wild! Nick Perry happy
11/7 Clinton/Gore have a WH party for Dole/Kemp. Gastrointestinal BFS Walleye + SamboWireman crash party-drunk
11/7 BigPictureRambo Sambo tells Gore his secret hero is Niccolo Machiavelli. Gore orders CIA to remove grandiose drunkard!
11/7 Buckminster Paskahousu eats + drinks like a hungry beluga -then blows a shitload that engulfs the entire White (Brown) H.
11/7 Hazmat crews and Police evacuate White House- FBI + CIA kick stinking Beluga and boozehound Sambo out of DC
11/7 Panthers 5-Capitals 4, NJ 9-Chicago 1, Edmonton 3-Boston 3. Slob Doughboy eats a raw chinook salmon-bones and all
11/7 Earn $50-60,000....call John at 800-343-5131-----get $40,000 a month!....call 800-935-2447
11/7 dry mouthed-runny nosed Heroinballs smokes a bong of homicide--sees four 300 lb Waldholtzs + goes catatonic
11/7 With power restored- PLG surfs to http://www.little-elegance.com/lilliput/lilliput.htm
11/8 Pman heads over to the south side looking for some meat- finds a foreigner who tells him -sug min kuk-jaevla roevhaal
11/8 Itchy fingered Lilliput calls..800-432-8747, 800-225-5697, 800-533-9595, 800-441-8846 + 800-847-4862
11/8 Assad sends a fax to Clinton..Mubarak sends Gore email.. Hussein sends Newt a post-card..Amin sends Dole an ear
11/8 numb skull nerd Shamu Beluga BFS Brownpants finds http://www.cmgww.com/football/lane/lane.html - + destroys it
11/8 Greenspan reports to the NY Times that the economy is in total and complete shambles! 560 octillion lost this week alone!
11/8 Human wildebeast herd stooge beluga Walleye wrecks yet another computer. Wighead calls Eva Gabor for a nylon job
11/8 send a fax to Lisa-216-445-2182----get a business money back guarantee-800-935-2447
11/8 become a POLICE CHIEF by calling 412-458-7060 or eat donuts and ice cream at 888-324-1333
11/8 Katrina Witt marries George Foreman. Lech Walesa marries Susan Sarandon. Wilson Pickett marries Judy Clay
11/8 doped-up HB views...http://www.stim.com/stim-x/Main/Mandala/mandalaverbal.html
11/9 In a public humiliation ceremony-Shinichiro Kaneko is hung upside down on a cross as Bombadeer blows gas in his face
11/9 Smokin Joe Pman meets Hakio Hardturd + OJ on the south side. They discuss pay raises-murders-booze + score drugs
11/9 SJMFs head to the south side to discuss persecution with Mahavira-juni Lao-Tze Garu-Guru
11/9 become a secretary-email ddd@ansys.com---get a job---fax 561-683-7839....fax Kathy 410-692-6148
11/9 itchy eyed-dry mouthed Heroinballs goes to his doctor + is told he has cerebritis and phrenitis
11/9 Resting at home- Machoman Bigpicture relaxes with a 5th of bourbon and Mein Kampf
11/9 Albert + Vojtas sing--------------If you feel that its real Im on trial and Im here in your prison
11/9 WWW snooper PLG comes up with.... http://www-mugc.cc.monash.edu.au/~acope/h/month5.html
11/9 Police called to Sambos house. Neighbors report dozens of shots fired at birdfeeder. Cops arrest bourboned-up fool
11/9 Reserve your very own CEMETERY PLOT now---call collect 330-679-2906 ||||||| Need a car?- call 800-278-5121
11/9 souped up SamboGunman tells cops in paddy-wagon he is Cesar Borgia, then Pope Alexander VI, then Pope Clement VII
11/9 Levy signs Jack Kemp as 4th string QB for $200. Dole visits George Bush in Arlington-falls of stage as he speaks
11/10 Ottawa 4-Chicago 3, Denver 11-Chicago 9, Oakland 40-TB 6, Detroit 7-TB 0, Phila. 4-Toronto 1, KC 60-GB 58
11/10 ENTREPENEURs---earn $45-180,000 with an investment of only $16-52,000-------call 800-263-0676
11/10 After giving himself a 3 hour workout with a 10 inch vibrating dildo Paskahousu Brownpants erupts in a sea of ecoli
11/10 Prime Minister Mahathir Bin Mohamad warns that the internet is the modern devil and must be stopped now
11/10 Hardturd autodials 800-545-0508/800-662-5800/800-722-5940/800-677-7929/800-444-7008/800-504-8085
11/10 Federal Brotherhood of Stooge-Lumox Belugas convenes in Chicago-they annihilate John Hancock and Sears towers
11/10 Mirskys Worst of the Web nominee for Sunday: http://earth.library.pitt.edu/~plgst2/
11/10 Bam (cracks) NFL records- runs for 299 yards-Baltimore 70, Jacksonville 3. Irvin hits (high) as Dallas beats SF 10-8
11/10 Released from jail on a nominal bond- BigBucks Sambo calls his broker to order.... IMSC, AMD (Lysine) + Walldata
11/10 Mahavira-juni Lao-Tze Garu-Guru convinces SJMFs that they are actually sane. SJMFs celebrate with raw pork weiners
11/11 hyped-up PLG plays 1111 for $2,000 and 1313 for $1,250. Detroit pounds SD 11-0..Vancouver pounds NYR 11-0
11/11 SJMFs read... http://members.gnn.com/lono/psychosis/psychosis.html --become convinced they are mentally ill!
11/11 Feeling lucky PLG travels to Wheeling- puts $3,000 on dog racing and $2,900 into electronic slots
11/11 Veteran and recovering drug abuser Heroinballs raises the flag then raises a hand full of percoset, demerol + percodan
11/11 Pman, studying french (to impress the ss ladies) verbalizes tu memmerdes va te faire foutre- bais moi- va chier
11/11 slob Doughboy watches RAW as Sycho Sid is bludgeoned by Marlena and Triton 6 Head wins the title from Sulfer Egg
11/11 Hakio Hardturd has a long talk with Reginald Truscott-Jones....after 41 shots each- it doesnt matter what was discussed
11/11 Pman sneaks over to the south side. RamboSambo sneaks into WPIC with wire. Baluga Beluga sneaks into the dildo closet
11/11 Icingjaws DS gets excited viewing... http://www.chron.com/content/interactive/special/finearts/96-97/
11/11 Baluga Beluga gets excited viewing... http://www.restena.lu:8888/Lcn%3dBeluga%20Whale
11/12 Wallace and Penguin get excited viewing... http://crml1000.crml.uab.edu/~jmr/grommie.gif
11/12 Buckminster Brownpants Lumox gets excited viewing (and sniffing).. http://www.busybeaver.com/paint.htm
11/12 In a dream, PLG is on a mountain with the Pope, the Tao Te Ching and Edelweise-then a dark cloud appears
11/12 In another dream PLG is at the top of the Petronas Tower with George Braque + she drops Still Life:The Table 102 stories
11/12 Doctor gives sick HB an inclinometer to treat his cerebritis and phrenitis- doc says it will cause a brain implosion
11/12 Jimmy Olsen spills the beans on the alien------ http://www.arachnoid.com/alien/
11/12 Don King announces a blockbuster: Mathis vs Bowe vs Seldon vs Moorer vs McNeeley vs Tyson vs Holyfield-all at once
11/12 Lilliput, Jane C., IP and Wig-martyr go to see The First Wives Club. A donnybrooke developes and all are locked up
11/12 Washington 16-NJ 2, San Jose 0-Hartford 0, Buffalo 10-Pittsburgh 0. Maclean buys the Houston Aeros for $275
11/12 Typing---thousands possible---800-898-9778. Collect money!---800-385-4066. Call 800-874-4875 (lowboy driver)
11/12 Smokin Joe Pman hits 4 packs of Winstons waiting for the bus. On that bus- SJP and Mr. Baluga pulvarize each other
11/13 Marion Barry + Heroinballs rock out on````````` http://math.ucsd.edu/~broido/lyr/S07/S07.30.lat.html#s.3
11/13 Celebrate--It is King Sisavang Vathanas BD!!!!!!....email goldbcrj@sug.com. Bidwell sells Cardinals for 60 million cash
11/13 Tagliabue announces that Arizona will move to Cleveland next year- games to be played in the Old Arcade
11/13 Cheapskate sheister Doughboy robs KFC dumpster- loads up on chicken bones, salminella skin and rooster testicles
11/13 Dallas smashes Calgary--Anaheim snaps Totonto--Edmonton wrecks Ottawa--Montreal bombs Florida
11/13 TIAA-CREF shuts down operations-billions lost in a major financial scandal involving Mildew Spores, Inc.
11/13 Machoman Sambo checks internet for a 5 hour nosebleed-- http://domestic1.sjc.ox.ac.uk/~sscape/html/gabba.html
11/13 call Phil at 800-272-4901 or Linda at 800-296-2226 or get some coffee at 800-941-7669
11/13 Leyland signs for 13 million with Florida. Jimmy Johnson flies to Dallas to talk with Jones in secret.
11/13 Constipation Time-bomb Buckminster Brownpants blows a 50 megaton bomb that wrecks Lincoln Place, Boston + Hays
11/13 Webcounter WWW site of the day (took 32.7 million hits): http://don.skidmore.edu/~samstern/simms2.jpg
11/14 Dreamer PLG calls the psychic hotline and learns she has big bucks coming her way and a lucrative movie career too
11/14 Hakio announces Heroinballs will be off work 2 weeks- he is to have his brain removed + replaced with a deers organ
11/14 Pilgrims on their way to Alpha Centauri send NASA a message:[w12q op cXv3_.J q!.? gHttX qi*c?Sa =@xZ0.Rccq]
11/14 Secret Service learns that terrorist are planning to bomb US bridges. Intel announces a Beta 3 phone-profits billions!
11/14 Moonman Stargazer Gluesniffing Walleye hits the testors and hits==== http://bang.lanl.gov/solarsys/oberon.htm
11/14 female-bull Wigwoman calls Bob Evans (800-994-3276) and orders 40 lbs of pork snouts for the coming holiday
11/14 Fidel + US make a deal--billions of wet dank footlongs in exchange for (regular) Spam...Greenspan approves
11/14 Gail + SAA travel to Erie for a special Halitosis Convention for Federal Brotherhood of Stooge-Lumox Belugas
11/14 Hootie, Henley, Alanis, Lennox, Bob Dylan + Daryll Hall form a new group to be called Poisoned Fairy Tales
11/14 King Farouks favorite web site------- http://numbat.murdoch.edu.au/spermatology/androl90s.html
11/14 Buffalo News exclusive: Elvis sighted in Nevada with 4 headed aliens from Mimas. NY Times confirms story
11/15 graverobbers violate sacred ground- Ljunggren Beamon Suleymanogulu III... Wheeling Police investigate
11/15 Inspector Henderson put on LBS III case. Travels north to Pittsburgh and talks with PLG + hospitalized HB Dopehead
11/15 Pman says -there are just so many summers-+ so many springs- and gets 4 cartons of cigs + 3 cartons of condoms
11/15 heavy rains pound Texas. Bryan- 13.2 inches, Tyler- 4.9 inches. Bush declares a federal emergency
11/15 Yeltsin calls Clinton to inform him he is going to have a heart transplant--the heart is from America
11/15 become a RN..800-453-5708 or a computer tech..fax 412443-1730 or an ultra sound tech..800-695-9939
11/15 Air polution at all time high in northern PA. Federal Brotherhood of Stooge-Lumox Belugas kicked out of Erie
11/15 After a hard day at work BigPictureRubberneckSambo, Hardturd and Smokin Joe hit the south side saloons
11/15 PLG b-lines to Canada. Drughead HB escapes from WPIC surgery-manhunt follows. Houston calls Pilgrims
11/15 Walleye BFS Buckminster Beluga searches Yahoo for himself...http://www.mitoo.co.uk/inside/baluga.htm
11/16 Chicago Sun-Times exclusive: Paula Abdul kidnapped by 19 headed 8 legged creatures from Charon
11/16 Secret Service investigates bridge bombings--Gulfgate, Rip Van Winkle, Sitka Harbor and Meredosia--all wrecked
11/16 CIA takes Hbomb Buckminster Beluga into custody after attempting to blow up the High Level bridge with a sulfer bomb
11/16 Imelda Marcos asks Elton John...Who Wears These Shoes? Warren Zevon takes a trip to Moscow
11/16 Cops arrest PLG in Hull. Phar-mor security apprehends half-brained HB in Monroeville pharmacy
11/16 Sambo Stiffneck wakes up at 9:30 pm and starts the process all over again- http://atanda.com/coasthighway/
11/16 CIA grills Buckminster Paskahousu in Homestead as Canadian Police interogate PLG in Hull
11/16 NY Times reports that it is Ljunggren Beamon Suleymanogulu IIIs heart that is to be transplanted in Yeltsin
11/16 Wheeling Cops fly to Hull. WPIC fellows head to Phar-mor pharmacy in Monroeville. Reno flys to Homestead
11/16 Ambulance called to BigPicture Moneymans house as he is in anaphalatic shock- ODed on Wild Turkey
11/17 Hardturd calls 800-621-4062, 800-552-0939, 800-842-4487, 800-537-2585, 800-354-7089 + 800-227-9890
11/17 Phila. 30- Wash. 29, Edmonton 3-Dallas 0, Atlanta 3-NO 0, Carolina 55- St. Louis 19, Chicago 9-LA 8
11/17 Get a job: PepBoys-800-737-6778///Tire America-800-607-8384///best place to work-gina.preston@ctg.com
11/17 Waldholtz bails nitwit Heroinballs out of Monroeville jail. Ricky Donnell bails stooge Buckminster out of Homestead jail
11/17 PUH interns pump 15 liters of liquid out of comatose BigPicture. Dehydrated-they IV him to a vat of Carlos Rossi
11/17 Kevin Poulsen breaks into CIA computers and scrambles everything beyond recognition
11/17 SJMFs view (http://emporium.turnpike.net/R/Rodnet/Dost/alzamor.htm) with their Timex-Sinclair super computer
11/17 Earthquake wrecks Kolomna. Flood ravages Batu Pahat. Gorakhpur engulfed by 30 4 headed aliens
11/17 John Major mails Warren Christopher a secret package. Porcupine Pman takes a ride over to the south side
11/17 Beluga Brownpants tells his wife he is going straight from now on...no more Hbombs, no more glue, no more dildos , etc.
11/18 Sheister Pillsbury Doughboy caught stealing out of dumpster behind Taco Bell- arrested and locked up w/ no bail
11/18 Cold winds blow out of Canada freezing Great Falls -17, Elk River -10, Worland -13, + Moorcroft -12
11/18 Hakio Hardturd visits hospitalized MamboSamboJamboWireman and gives him some counterfeit $20
11/18 Brownpants drops a super load as he exits the PAT 61C...driver rushed to ER unable to breathe and halicunating
11/18 Mr. Hardturd organizes the troops around missing BigPicture...Stinkman goes to WPIC + Smokin Joe sent to south side
11/18 wailing hysterical 300 lb. wigwoman protests her pig husbands incarceration-pulls out a pistol and starts firing
11/18 Best web site ever::::::::::http://www.ttl.fi/TurunUrheiluliitto/index.html
11/18 Surgeons announce Yeltsin doing fine post heart transplant. Doing fine other than an occassional --bark--
11/18 Police chain down 300 lb. female bull and lock up ugly monster beside her garbage eating slob husband
11/18 fax Michele at 402-593-7054 or fax 610-366-5384, 314-957-0726, 304-242-1439, 801-972-4884 etc.
11/18 Interns send BigPicture home but he instead goes to WPIC and pulls wires. Stooge Walleye catches him + a riot ensues
11/19 Modell informs Baltimore city officials he is moving the Ravens to Houston next season
11/19 Wall Street goes crazy as baby boomers plow trillions into Mildew Spores and First Jersey Securities
11/19 KFC offers jailed Doughboy a full-time job as a human garbage disposal..he accepts offer + is released from lockup
11/19 SJMFs relatives pay a hefty penalty to bail ugly Wighead out of jail. Vindictive sheisterwoman vows to get police!
11/19 Dan Reeves tells Giants he will lose another 100 games before he retires. Tom Landry calls him with support
11/19 Reeves calls Modell in Cleveland to ask about the head coach job of the new Houston Mefistofeles
11/19 Sambo tunes in....... http://www.medscene.com/docinhouse/nosebleed.html..... then watches The Shining
11/19 Walleye BFS Brownpants Lumox searches Lycos for himself...http://www.bbtt.com/b-net/lust/beluga/voegel_7.htm
11/19 Boston 9- Washington 7, St. Louis 4- Pittsburgh 0, Toronto 10-Buffalo 5, Vancouver 7- Dallas 2
11/19 get a mortgage--------------800-535-9035///800-938-9591///800-500-0045///800-887-7662
11/20 0011 hits in NJ Lottery- payout 33.9 million. Govt. states that there is a severe formaldehyde shortage-too many dead
11/20 Strom Thurmond says its 100 more to go! Eddie Johnson tells Patrick --Ill destroy this team given a little more time!--
11/20 Dave Pman and Buckminster Diarrhea Beluga fight over Howard Sterns comments. HB corrects both nerds
11/20 resting at home- MachoBigPictureRubberneck Nosebleed sees a turkey at his bird feeder-shotgun blasts everywhere
11/20 Joey Bertone sells HB a truckload of opium. HB leaves work sick- later seen driving a big rig through West Virginia
11/20 NVR sells for record high as Garan and Alamco hit rock bottom. Oprah Winfrey slims down to 112 lbs soaking wet
11/20 State Cops stop Heroinballs in 18 wheeler on 33/250 near Elkins-going 91 mph in the wrong lane
11/20 HB tells cops his uncle is WVA Police Commissioner Styvestant E. Blosthiggins III + cops let speeding drug czar go
11/20 After reading http://www2.netdoor.com/%7Emalowe/ ---Hakio Hardturd realizes he IS quite sick
11/20 Computer-wrecking lumox Walleye faxes his resume to 804-466-1813 as he is a VAX VMS CMS C+ killer
11/20 Abigail VanBuren marries Ann Landers. Bell Atlantic Marries Bell South to become South Atlantic Two-tone
11/21 PLG checks out---- http://www.inforoute.cgs.fr/leguevel/--+-- http://www.atlantic.fr/h2o/plg.htm
11/21 Phoenix Coyotes trade for Gretzky and Messier and Mullen signs with the Penguins for another 40 years
11/21 In a public humiliation ceremony-Shinichiro Kaneko is hung sideways on a cross as Bombadeer breathes glue fumes on him
11/21 At the Zion Crossroads Mr. Heroinballs stops for a big plate of pancakes (with hidden sausage in the middle)
11/21 Post eating- HB finds that his truck and cargo has been stollen...HB calls Virginia Highway Patrol in a panic
11/21 Gail finally uses email but wrecks the entire oberon server. Sambo Hambone JetTrains to Virginia for $29
11/21 Mr. Stiffneck BigPicture highjacks a B52 cargo plane and heads for Pampa de Castillo in Chubut, Argentina
11/21 HB steals a Stealth fighter in Richmond and heads southward. Shinichiro Kaneko tells Buckminster -give me more!-
11/21 Poisoned Fairy Tales hits #1- 506 million CDs sold in one day. Paskahousu Beluga pirates it onto 8 track
11/21 Lilliput dreams she meets with the Pope and he gives her 2 rings and a dodecahedron and leaves in silence
11/22 Bitter frustrated female bull wigwoman gets very upset at......... http://zeno.angry.org/people/csreps.html
11/22 Air traffic controllers from Florida to Buenos Aires try to clear corridors as B52 and bomber have near collisons
11/22 Abdul-Alibaba Nanak Varhamana consults Zyuganov on an epidemic sweeping Moscow- people barking in subways
11/22 Buckweat Zydeco knocks Poisoned Fairy Tales from the top. Gastrointestinal Murderer 8 tracks it for sale in Cuba
11/22 Get some silk stockings at 800-282-8800. Get some gas at 800-499-1122. Get some sewing at 800-224-3661
11/22 Chicago 3- Calgary 3, Colorado 10- NYI 0, Hartford 11- Pittsburgh 0, Dallas 2- Florida 1
11/22 Chief Hakio Hardturd sits down with his computer + a keg of beer and tunes in---- http://smn.com/sprawl/3
11/22 Garbageman Doughboy reads http://liquefy.isca.uiowa.edu/info/paranet/infopara/6xx/630....goes spastic
11/22 Argentine airforce blasts hijacked B52 and Stealth (flying backwards) out of sky near Choele Choel
11/22 Argentine police lock up Mr. Moneybags and Heroinballs in Siera Chica prison in Buenos Aires
11/23 WWF champion Blubster F. Omalley smothers Shaman Tunaboat in a title match in Madison Sq. Garden
11/23 AMA publishes a report critical of plastic dildos. It states that they have been linked to carcinomas
11/23 Kak Gluesniffing Brownbag Walleye orders a solid steel 14 inch vibrating dildo from the Va Chier Calisse Factory
11/23 Hot saturday night #s-800-862-2543, 800-537-7397, 202-789-7000, 907-465-2010 + 800-447-6277
11/23 Transcendental Mahavira-juni Lao-Tze Garu-Guru predicts that a solar eclipse will occur on the date of 8/11/99
11/23 Having set up his telescope Moonman Hubble Stoogelet views Arcturus + *chants kibris cumhuriyeti galati luque*
11/23 Tom Coughlin tells Jaguars we must win this game or the season is over. Modell tells Ravens-spam for a victory
11/23 Buckminster BFS Shitpants favorite web site#######http://absolut.sites.uiuc.edu/~wiberg/lyrics2.html
11/23 Dave Pman rides over to the red light district an picks up a $200 special. Smokes 42 cigars and falls asleep
11/23 Bigboy Waldholtz convinces Janet Reno to talk with Argentina PM about freeing Drug Czar HB + SamboShambo
11/24 Sheister Pillsbury Doughboy, Baluga Beluga, gambling PLG + Kaneko eat breakfast at KFC (Doughboy got it free)
11/24 Hungry Beluga convinces pig-man Doughboy he should join the Federal Brotherhood of Stooge-Lumox Belugas
11/24 Carolina blasts Oilers, St. Louis packs the Packers, Lions wallop Chicago, Minn. humps Denver + TB bombs NO
11/24 Siera Chica officials kick Heroinballs and BigBirdman out of prison and deport them both immediately
11/24 Post breakfast, and at the suggestion of the Sheisterman- PLG checks out http://members.aol.com/alhinil/chester.htm
11/24 Smokin Joe wakes up in a bordello- stripped naked + pennyless. He calls Hardturd to borrow a pack of cigs
11/24 SJMFs and all their relatives bombard KFC as their sheister-man starts work today. Counterfeit bills everywhere!
11/24 Hakio announces Heroinballs will be off work 2 weeks- he is to hunt for a deer brain suitable for transplant (for HB)
11/24 250 arrested at Beerbelly convention in Brandon, Manitoba. Barry Horowitz pins himself in a one on one cage match
11/24 Internet mental cases enjoy======= http://www.mentalhealth.com/book/p40-sc01.html
11/25 KFC fires professional pig Doughboy for eating up all the profits- chain near bankruptsy after one days damage
11/25 Gastrointestinal Holocaust Walleye engulfs------ http://www.nsta.org/msgs/messages/msgs8436.htm
11/25 Constipation Time-bomb BFS Brownpants blows a 80 megaton bomb that wrecks Oakland, Uptown and Hill District
11/25 H. Hardturd calls collect:800-458-6833, 800-622-0866, 800-762-9492, 800-624-4624 + 800-558-9600
11/25 Sambo Nosebleed Stiffneck has lunch with Dave the Doinkster at McDonalds-a special treat for Thanksgiving
11/25 Post lunch Sambo bookmarks http://jh.ccs.neu.edu:7043/browser_object/objnum!%231656
11/25 Gail slops down a lb. of Nestles chocolate-SAA slops down a big box of Pork Rinds- DS slops down the house
11/25 OJ meets with PLG in the library + tells her: I chopped off Nicoles head! PLG (secretly) records the entire conversation
11/25 PLG heads directly for Dr. Wechts office. Offers to sell him the (secret) tape for $200,000 cash
11/25 Heroinballs lets out a river of urine flooding the Chattahoochee River to the Fulton Industrial Blvd.
11/26 internet rubberneck DS gets excited at---- http://www.voltaire.ox.ac.uk/tx/Candide/candide28
11/26 Goofy lumox Gluesniffer Walleye gives himself a 3 hour workout with his new steel 14 inch electric dildo
11/26 Vancouver 9-Totonto 2, Florida 2- Buffalo 0, Calgary 7- Edmonton 7, Boston 5- Philadelphia 4
11/26 View a cyber-garden:::::::::::::::::http://telegarden.aec.at/cgi-bin/gard-control/G?
11/26 Astronomer Percival Lowell Qball Walleye finds life on MARS! -- http://www.cpnet.com/96/08/mars.html
11/26 Bell Atlantic offers Hardturd a special deal- $230,000 in GTE stock for relocation to Beirut
11/26 Sambo Nosebleed sees a buzzard at his feeder. PLG observes 200 green-billed woodpeckers at her feeder
11/26 After 20 hits of valium- blurry eyed Heroinballs see Queen Vo- http://www.cosm.sc.edu/~sprouse/queen.html
11/26 Modell calls it quits...sells the Ravens to Jack Kent Cook for $200 plus at the corn-dogs he can eat for life
11/27 Cheapskate shamartist SJMFs steal a turkey from the Giant Eagle. Sheisters then try to figure out how to cook it?
11/27 SAA starts a new trend by wearing her pants backwards and cardboard inserts in her shoes
11/27 Chef Qball Stooge Buckminster cooks a 50 lb 2 headed turkey vulture stuffed with peanut butter/tomatos + lard
11/27 A rash of $100 counterfeit bills spotted in Russelton stores-a man with a bad nose bleed said to be the suspect
11/27 Mr. Hardturd, Mr. SJ Pman, RamboSambo and Mr. Doughboy hit Hooters for a royal pre-holiday booze blowout
11/27 Librarian PLG accesses all material on the index of prohibited books on the internet and demolishes everything
11/27 CIA links JS Boggs and (rubber)stiffneck Sambo. Drunkard bar-hopper arrested at Hooters for passing phony Franklins
11/27 6 headed aliens reported in Springerville, Az. Lumox Beluga Walleye eats entire turkey vulture himself at midnight
11/27 call Sears 800-224-3661/ 800-333-5627 x248 for an executive sales job/or 800-733-5858 for a computer
11/27 Reginald Truscott-Jones tunes in to the WWWs hottest site ((((( http://emiko.igcom.net/~bruce/interv.html )))))
11/28 Nation at peace and rest- celebrates Thanksgiving in millions of homes across the United States of America
11/28 Stuffed human grizzly bear Paskahousu Walleye wakes up with nothing to eat after last nights --hogfest--
11/28 KC blows out Detroit 72-3, Phoenix 3- NJ 0, Dallas 91- Washington 60, LA rips up Calgary 12-2
11/28 Clinton, Gore, Newt + Marion Barry eat a big meal of turkey, dumplings and chocolate-pudding with Fritos
11/28 Jail-bird counterfeiter Machoman Stiffneck Sambo fed pizza smothered in anchovies at the county lockup
11/28 with nothing to do after eating 15 lbs of turkey- DS scrutinizes http://math.ucsd.edu/~broido/lyr/D3/D3.23.lat.html
11/28 tightwad cheapskate sheister SJMFs start a big fire in the back of their dump attempting to cook stollen turkey
11/28 Smoking Joe realizes its Thanksgiving- goes over to the south side with a carton of cigs + calls 800-828-4357
11/28 At the downtown Salvation Army, Heroinballs and his hungry friend Walleye eat like there is no tomorrow
11/28 After burning down half the neighborhood- sheisters eat all leftover food at Salvation Army + Soup Kitchen
11/28 Having eaten enough food for 10 people Brownpants Paskahousu blows out a city block with a ton of diarrhea
11/29 SAA goes shopping with her clothes on backwards. Buckminster Brownpants put in ICU with gastrointestinal disease
11/29 Netscape bans........... http://www.cs.buffalo.edu/~negrin/bustarticle.html === !!!! Its Presidents Day in Liberia!!!!
11/29 Chieftain Hakio calls:800-344-0824, 800-793-0771, 800-345-8615, 800-821-4403 + 800-638-5430
11/29 NBC reports major earthquakes have destroyed Sibiu, Kakhul, Burgas, Dobrich, Constanta, Corabia + Vratsa
11/29 Hardturd bails MachoCamachoBigPictureRamboSambo out of jail + they head straight for Chiefs for a blowout
11/29 Cyber-girl Lilliput travels the world-- http://www.iarelative.com/koterba.htm - ftp://ftp.halcyon.com/pub/FWDP/
11/29 US Postal Service goes bankrupt. Clinton says 500 trillion will fix it- will raise taxes 15% accordingly
11/29 The Ranges favorite site--------- http://www.wnet.org/cgi-bin/hornsby-bin/netforum/bh/a
11/29 At Chiefs, after 30 shots and 20 beers each, Sambo + Hardturd play cards until they fall under the table
11/29 Sharks eat Oilers...Panthers eat Whalers...Hawks eat Ducks...Sabres slice-up Senators...Lightning strikes Stars
11/30 Federal Brotherhood of Stooge-Lumox Belugas holds a pep-rally- 250,000 goons show up for free kielbassa + weiners
11/30 Ice Princess heats up her abode with hot sex all afternoon. After lunch, IP resumes session and nearly melts by 7 pm
11/30 Freddie Blassee pins Gorilla Monsoon for the WWF title... Baluga H Cornhole wins the WCW title defeating the Huckster
11/30 slob Doughboy tunes in to his favorite www site----- http://www.sausagevendor.com/
11/30 Heroinballs bags a 3 headed deer and calls his surgeon- he wants 3 brain transplants. Surgeon refers HB to WPIC!
11/30 Riot breaks out at Beluga pep-rally as food concessions run out of weiners....30 killed, 905 injured + 3,700 jailed
11/30 AT &T offers Hardturd a special deal- $230,001 in Bell Atlantic stock for relocation to Beirut
11/30 Stiffneck Sambo gets a CAT scan and his Dr. tells him he has shingles of the neck- prescribes Tylenol 200 mg
11/30 Hakio Hardturd reviews +++http://goodusa.com/?telcom+++ and signs a long term contract for $230,000
11/30 Bombadeer Lumox Brownpants installs odor absorbing ceiling tiles in his home- tiles disintigrate immediately
11/30 Sheister Pillsbury Fatboy caught stealing out of dumpster behind Red Lobster- arrested and locked up w/ no bail
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Dan Sroka November 1996 Calendar

Copyright © Dan Sroka, 10/26/96, 4/08