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Dan Sroka September 1996 Calendar

9/1 BigBucksBigPictureMachoManRamboSambo buys a tug for $81,000 at-- http://divemar.com/ODS/docs/tugboat.html
9/1 Transvestite Doughboy and Lou Reed take a walk on the wild side. Yeltsin-stiff and wooden-drinks 4 jugs of Geritol
9/1 You can earn $1,000 to $1,800 per week by dialing 800-938-0087
9/1 Websurfer Gastrointestinal Nightmare- finds himself at- http://www.etext.org/Zines/Quanta/moonifest.Chapter_4.html
9/1 Entire west coast suffers from a major power blackout-35 million live like cave dwellers
9/1 Calendar freak DS scopes out http://www.dafne.it/It/calendar/Fiere/fiere9~1.html
9/1 US Postal Service announces a new -Bomb Package Rate- $35 lb per megaton--home delivery available overnight
9/1 Need a job??? Fax Joe Sussman your resume at 412-343-3013..need good pay??-call 800-341-4202
9/1 Hbomb gives himself a boiling enema and orders a vibrator from:::::::::http://www.pfcj.com/PFC/AMJ/anusvib-j.html
9/1 Chef Beluga Stinkman prepares for tomorrow cooking up pork kielbassa, heluska noodles, fried lard + velvetta cheese
9/1 Jack Kemp tells Dole he can still pass better than a man half his age. Dole tells Kemp he can beat him with one bad arm
9/1 Don Henley floors Glenn Fry. Zyuganov floors (stiff-wooden) Yeltsin. Undertaker floors Marlena. Hardturd floors himself
9/2 Heatwave blasts west coast as power is out for over 24 hours-Holiday cancelled. Gore travels to Utah to investigate
9/2 At a UAW rally in Detroit- rebelrouser preacher tells members we must labor daily to save America
9/2 Stoned (as usual) dope-head Heroinballs waves the flag and hits 20 joints, 5 valiums and 13 hits of speed
9/2 Activate your Labor Day # at 800-228-4828. Cheapskate SJMFs eat artificial pork franks on their porch
9/2 PLG checks bus schedule...................... http://196.25.97.2:80/FutureNet/CityNet/Pietermaritzburg/intercity/
9/2 Darryl Strawberry hits 7 home runs as NYY pound Texas 11-0. Call 800-628-5971!!!!!!
9/2 Dave Pman calls 800-567-2886 about a $49 CAR ACQUISITION......Gremlin blew up (again)
9/2 MachoCamachoSamboMoneyBags sails his new tugboat down the Mon looking for Beluga Walleye the human stench
9/2 SAA finds-- http://www.charltonphotos.com/photo28.htm....Gail finds a hidden pound of chocolate under her bed
9/2 Sheister martyr-twins choke on artifical pork weiners-stomachs pumped out at hospital-they re-consume remains
9/2 Get a house for $25,000-call 412-682-7444==========earn $27,000-fax resume to 216-642-3294
9/3 Stinking Gastrointestinal Nightmare surfs to...http://www.ma.ic.ac.uk/~km/stuff/tintin/destination.htm
9/3 Yeltsin-stiff as a board-calls Clinton for advise on how to loosen up-Clinton tells him to watch an old Elvis tape
9/3 Power still out-west coast becomes a virtual wasteland. Clinton calls Yeltsin to sell him west coast--no answer
9/3 Sambo, Hardturd, Heroinballs and Nightmare walk through WPIC. Stinkman lets out an eruption-WPIC wrecked/destroyed
9/3 FatBoy Lardbucket Doughboy parts with some cash and calls 800-562-2882 to order the ABToner
9/3 Lilliput orders some industrial rubber at 800-322-3460. Frankfurt stocks nose dive-Deutch market bombs
9/3 Dopehead Heroinballs reads about himself on the internet at........ http://www.idahonews.com/news/local/methbust.htm
9/3 Gore reports to Clinton that the west coast is unsalvagable-recommends dropping 50 neutron bombs + starting over
9/3 Clinton summons Gastrointestinal Brownpants Stinkman to the White House
9/3 White House evacuated as gas-man lets out an eruption that shakes the entire capital...Hillary overcome by stink/odor
9/3 Tightwad sheister SJMFs-looking for easy bucks- file a law suit for $800 million against B+W (as Fatboy lights up)
9/4 Clinton puts Stinkums Walleye thru the paces-CIA, Secret Service, FBI checks etc. Brownpants-nervous-drops a load
9/4 Hakio Hardturd, suddenly interested in human anatomy-web surfs to http://www.cs.umb.edu/~eugene/machine-shop.html
9/4 Pirates wallop Colorado 10-0. Kevin Byrne reports to Baltimore new media that the Ravens toilets actually work!
9/4 Kemp says no pork-barrel politics here! Slob cheapskate Doughboy says--give me those pork franks.........
9/4 Inquirer reports that Elvis is alive and entertaining at the Apollo. Call him at 800-238-2000
9/4 Tokyo stock market drops 200 points on word that Hbomb Stinkman is an alien from Proxima Centauri
9/4 In a catatonic haze induced by 2 footlong refer cigars-Heroinballs sees 7th dimensional dodecahedrons in his jalopy
9/4 For Telecom positions contact Ken or Don at 800-642-0008. Espanol???-call 800-633-3711
9/4 Janet Reno clears Gastrointestinal Buckminster BFS Brownpants for a mission to the west coast-Clinton signs off on it
9/4 Pseudo-millionaire BigPictureSambo looks for more $$$ at****** http://www.neo-tech.com/world/introduction.html
9/4 Al Gore reports the entire west coast is now a wasteland-send the Bombadeer out to wipe out the entire mess
9/5 Elvis was a doper-see-------------- http://www.cadvision.com/Home_Pages/accounts/nodrickb/elvis2z.html
9/5 In his DC hotel room at the Sleeze Ridge Arms Buckminster Brownbag absorbs 4 tubes of Testors in a shopping bag
9/5 Cyber-nut space kadet Sambo finds...http://www.cs.umd.edu/users/dabe/CDs/Songs/macho.man.html
9/5 Ridge announces all tugboat owners in PA will now have to pay an annual $50,000 registration fee effective today
9/5 Clinton calls stiff-Yeltsin and informs him of pending west coast annihilation-Yeltsin asks about Bombadeer Buckminster
9/5 PLG invests mucho dinero in slot machines (800-258-6538)-getsa PNC loan at 800-342-2419
9/5 Jagger floors Richards..Modell floors Davis..Iaccoca floors Perot..Annie Lennox floors Alanis
9/5 Preparing for killer mission-Hbomb eats buritos, kielbassa, cabbage, sauer kraut, pork + beans, hard-boiled eggs etc.
9/5 Brendan Wilson..(http://www.fit.qut.edu.au/~michael/alimony/anus.html)..the favorite web-site of Dole/Kemp
9/6 Freshman college students nationwide drop out. Junior college students nationwide apply for loans at 800-692-7392
9/6 Sagan informs world media that Epsilon Eridani super-nova effects will begin bombarding the earth in a few days
9/6 Odoriferous putrid HbombBrownpantsWalleye put on a C5A headed for the west coast
9/6 On the job-Gail sneaks a quickie and logs into:http://net.indra.com/~grimmy/fantasy/misc/chocolate.html
9/6 Jane C hires OJ to kill DS-contract reads to cut his head off entirely...knife sent in a brown package USPS Killer rate
9/6 Powell tells Dole that he wants to be VP and that he can pass better than Kemp anyway-to scrimage tomorrow
9/6 Become a truck drive....call Barb- 800-496-4694-----get a Free Report from 800-722-8211
9/6 Yeltsin, Idi Amin, Zyuganov, Dole, Clinton and Reno conference call on pending west coast situation
9/6 Former Wilmerding HS urinal scrubber BigPicture reviews......... http://gpu.srv.ualberta.ca/~msykes/thome.html
9/6 Mr. Brownpants, unable to control his bowels, lets out a killer blast...C5A crash lands in Ohio-pilot dead!
9/7 WWF heavy champ Blubster Oshay pins Roberto Voodoo Caveman. Vince cracks Mr. Perfects skull open with a bottle
9/7 Capers tells Charlotte city council to build a newer stadium as the new stadium is too antiquated and obsolete
9/7 Electriclarryland hits #1-60 million CDs sold in 3 weeks. Dopehead HB plays Butthole Surfers until he hits the floor
9/7 CIA puts BuckminsterBrownpantsStinkums in a special odor-proof suit + flies him out of Columbus on another C5A
9/7 In need of cash-Bigbucks calls 800-959-0006. Then, for a big lump-sum payment-Mr. RamboSambo calls 800-834-3439
9/7 SAA gives her whole-hearted endorcement for the web site:::::::::http://viablesoftware.com/vip/becks5.htm
9/7 Emmit Smith tells Cowboys (in no uncertain terms) he wants a new contract paying $1.5 million per game
9/7 Outside of Indianapolis, C5A (carrying Gastointestinal Nightmare) has engine failure-brown liquid everywhere
9/7 Cheapskate sheister Doughboy buys a female urinal for his stinking wife at>>>> http://www.alcasoft.com/threewaters/
9/7 CBS news reports that earths temperatures are rising daily...NASA says its the Epsilon effect
9/7 Indianapolis Police lockup Walleye Hbomb for the nights safe keeping in a 8 X 8 cell, a toilet, and a brownbag + Testors
9/8 Oddball SJMFs roto-til their barren soil once again...sweating-smelly Doughboy then plants winter wheat to save $$
9/8 CIA seals stinking BFS Buckminster Walleye in a special lead tank-put on yet another west bound C5A
9/8 check out Mr. Mason at------------ http://www.ugcs.caltech.edu/~geoff/pc/lyrics/perry_lyrics.html
9/8 Hamilton 37, Winnipeg Blue Bombers 20. BigPicture gets extra life insurance for $6.95 month at 800-307-7766
9/8 Grandparents accross the nation order the rascal scooter (800-543-1060)
9/8 Record temperatures today: Mobile 130, Arlington TX 131, Regina 101, Jersey City 118, Yonkers 111, etc. etc.
9/8 SF 16- St. Louis 0, Denver 30- Seattle 0, SD 51-Cin 0, Arizona 3-Miami 2, Carolina 79-NO 7, Wash 10-Chicago 9
9/8 RamboSambo sells tugboat to Heroinballs for $250 cash. HB goes on a cannabis expedition along the banks of the Ohio
9/8 C5A crashes near Springfield IL as Bombadeer Stenchman explodes lead tank-another pilot dead from toxic fumes
9/8 Dave Pman picks up a blonde in his 66 Gremlin as he pedals down Forbes Ave.
9/8 Arts Ravens pound Arts Steelers 16-0. Irvin drops 27 straight passes as Giants humiliate Dallas 30-0
9/9 Dopehead HB enjoys http://www.teenchallenge.com/main/testmony/pcookes.htm
9/9 CIA gives up on transporting Hbomb to west coast...billions lost on C5As.
9/9 SAA screens 352 brats-Gail screens 370 holigans. Doughboy counts his pennies. Hardturd counts his empty beer bottles
9/9 Pman sends himself email------- http://www.sonic.net/~janan/albany/workshop/wwwboard/messages/43.html
9/9 Internet rubberneck MachomanBigpicture goes crazy on http://www.actden.com/GRAP_DEN/gallery/display.htm
9/9 unable to stand the pressure any longer...PLG enrolls back in college..this time at ACCC-to become a certified butcher
9/9 Walleye got up-dressed all in black-went down to the station-and he never came back
9/9 Blondie and Dave shack up in the back seat of his Gremlin (as they head up Forbes Ave)
9/9 State Police order Gastointestinal killer Hbomb out of Illinois by midnight
9/9 HB- smashed on thorazine (http://external.csmc.edu/neonatology/ref/meds/med96.html) sinks in his new tugboat
9/9 PMS?-Wrinkles?-Libido?-call 888-360-1559=====Become a flatbed driver....800-471-5581
9/9 Europe melts-153 in Barcelona, 132 in Zagreb, 127 in Leeds, 109 in Brasov, 130 in Nurnberg and 129 in Lyon
9/10 Pilsbury Doughboy goes on a martyr tangent........http://anansi.panix.com/userdirs/vector/sm1.html
9/10 Lumox Baluga Stinkman ordered out of Indiana by sun down! He calls Dan at 800-442-3034
9/10 Sambo, Hardturd, Heroinballs and Lilliput walk through Shenley Park. No one even notices!
9/10 Charlottes new NFL stadium burns to the ground. Capers questioned by Lt. Tragg and Hamilton Burger King
9/10 Get a trimmer on wheels 800-851-6677 or get an install-800-227-4678
9/10 Porcupine Pman gets a big jug of wine from http://www.regione.piemonte.it/agri/docuk/piemonte.html
9/10 Finally power is restored to the west coast. Dole/Kemp + Clinton/Gore claim responsibility for restoration
9/10 Indiana police run Gastointestinal Fart-factory Walleye Hbomb out of the state-hes ordered never to return or face death
9/10 PLG stocks up on a new preppy undergarmet collection from Hechingers....burlap panties in vogue
9/10 IP, chilled to the max, steers her cold blood toward http://www.vision.net.au/~imoyle/scrotum.htm
9/11 Tagliabue informs owners NFL will realign next season. Modell sent to Johns Hopkins.
9/11 Here is your living caveman-------- http://www.compusmart.ab.ca/bcormack/
9/11 Epsilon effect blasts China: Nanning 120, Xiamen 129, Kunming 130, Liuzhou 111, Wenzhou 122, Wuhan 128, etc.
9/11 911 hits in CA lottery- $79 million paid out. Heroinballs, cooked on murder 8, dials 911 for an ambulance
9/11 MachoCamachoBigbucks calls for special golfing packages at 800-252-3551 and 800-458-3602
9/11 Closet queen Doughboy orders panties from....... http://members.aol.com/PJMFashion/index.htm
9/11 Gov. Voinovich orders Buckminster Stinkbomb out of Ohio... Brownpants gets a royal ass-kicking all the way to PA
9/11 Brown + Williamson agrees to pay Heroinballs $110 million for smoking 870,000 packs of cigs over the last 20 years
9/11 celebrating HB picks up his battered beluga buddy Stinkman on the PA Turnpike + they crack-out on wet dank + glue
9/11 Pman pedals his Gremlin over to Heroinballs and joins the crack-out with 13 footlong blunts laced with opium
9/11 Yough dopeheads get trashed on drugs galore. Portvue cops arrest crazed trio and lock them up in WPIC
9/12 Jailbird dopekings call off work-all in quasi-comas.....Hardturd pissed-fires the 3 addicts
9/12 In his jail cell- Pman learns Brown + Williamson will pay him $110 million for smoking 1.2 million packs of cigs
9/12 Roger Tory Peterson Sambo sees a flying beluga bird at his feeder. Hung over Stinkman blows a load-WPIC evacuated
9/12 SAA tunes in Dr. Ivan.....http://194.159.254.253/users/ad88/ivan.htm
9/12 Fellows at WPIC check- http://www.auburn.edu/~carltjm/restroom.html-----then give Gas Murderer an enema
9/12 Moneybags rubberneck sends in $78,000- investing in First Jersey Securities penny stock
9/12 Cops investigate attempted homicide...DS in PUH ICU with throat slashed, Cops look for white Bronco w/ CA plates
9/12 Lofton hits 3 RBIs as Indians drop Orioles 2-0. SAA tunes in www.housecall.com...SF pounds Pittsburgh 11-5
9/12 From WPIC drug king Heroinballs reads******** http://www.ccnet.com/%7Ecduque/Colombia_Phones.html
9/13 PLG graduates from ACCC Butcher program and is immediately hired as a Giant Eagle meat cutter at top salary
9/13 Police River Patrol pulls sunk tub from Ohio-finds 1.3 tons of weed, 30 lbs of hash, and multitude of other dope
9/13 Cops go to WPIC and handcuff/chain HB dopehead-transport him to lockup. Gluesniffer sent to PUH ER- in a coma!
9/13 Calgary blows out Montreal 72-12. PLG orders checks at 800-347-2683 and a matress at 800-836-2022
9/13 recently fired 3 stooges look for work at ((((http://www.pencomsi.com/newyork.html))))
9/13 venimous SJMFs party as DS is nearly dead....roto-til their barren soil and plant weeds
9/13 Buckminster Gasbomb given emergency cardiothorasic surgery...prognosis bleak-heart full of Testors glue
9/13 Stressed out-overworked Hardturd relaxes at______________ http://www.tiac.net/users/tjd/bier/dussel.html
9/13 CIA sends hospitalized beluga Walleye a bill for $299 billion to replace C5As and all related damage he induced
9/14 martyr-self rightious SJMFs lay like dogs.....Shelbourne 3, Sligo Rovers 2----- FC Utrecht 4, F. Sittard 0.
9/14 In PUH- DS reported in stable condition with 101 stiches-Belugabombadeer in stable condition-deer heart transplant ok
9/14 checking on his $78,000 investment...MachoMoney scrutinizes++++++ http://www.gsionline.com/digest/05-26.TXT
9/14 Giant Eagle sued for $1.5 million in class action law suit...meat cuts all wrong-bone fragments everywhere-too fat, etc.
9/14 Toronto 17, BC Lions 16. Indonesia swelters--Pakanbaru 111, Bengkulu 123, Sibolga 140, Jambi 112, Padang 139
9/14 over 1 million college students call it quits as test results are returned...F- grades= careers at burger-flip academy
9/14 PUH interns put Gastointestinal Bombadeer Stinkman and DS in same hospital room..visitors prohibited
9/14 ECW-WWF and WCW merge to become WECWFEWWCH....Freddie Blasee and Bob Backlund to be co-presidents
9/15 Doughboy looks in the mirror:http://www.rosenet.com/~rbdevoe/.....http://www.pdi.com/how/doughboy.html
9/15 Tenerife 7- Sevilla 3, Chicago 11-Vikings 3, Ravens 30-Houston 3, Miami 37-NYJ 0, Liverpool 1-Leicester City 1
9/15 NASA reports Proxima Centauri has become a super-nova. Sagan says earth is in imminent danger
9/15 Psuedo-butcher PLG axed by GE-fired for incompetence. PLG hires Perry Mason and cooks a bone-cartlidge filled steak
9/15 Eskimos 34-Hamilton 19, GB 20-SD 0, Ajax 3-Sparta Rotterdam 2, NE 70-Arizona 2, Chelsea 7-Aston Villa 0
9/15 BigPicture gets a big bottle at------ http://wildflower.meer.net/System/Public/freier/ScotchPrice.html
9/15 NFL games cancelled due to heat: Det./Phila..Wash./NYG..TB/Denver..Jacksonville/Oakland..Indiana./Dallas
9/15 BrownpantsBrownbag blows up PUH with a silent killer- 48 killed by fumes...entire city in total caous
9/16 Ridge declares Pittsburgh a total catastrophe-asks federal govt for $900 trillion to rebuild..Stinkman in a world of trouble
9/16 Stoned- MachomanMoneybags calls off work in a drunken stupor.....Hakio Hardturd pissed-installs his own wires
9/16 Federated Unionized Brotherhood of Local Meat Butchers announces they will support PLG-donates $2 million to effort
9/16 OJ calls PLG...assures her that he will do everything in his power to support her defense
9/16 Gore/Clinton and Kemp/Dole both make cameo appearances in devistated (former) Steel City..now total rubble
9/16 FBI takes catastrophic/calamity BrownpantsNightmare into custody...pours 80 lbs of fast plug cement in his rear
9/16 Stinkman flown to southern Florida-placed on unmanned space shuttle-and launched into outerspace-to the moon!!!!
9/16 NFL monday night game cancelled-3 Rivers Stadium in shambles. On Monday Night RAW- Butcher PLG carves up Sable
9/16 stuppored BigPicture calls 800-929-3311 for legal credit repair + 800-238-2000 to speak with Elvis
9/17 Lilliput checks out^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ http://www.rpi.edu/dept/union/outing/public/rocmosaic/cairn/95.Oct/elvis.html
9/17 Back on the job-Mr. MoneySamboHambone given pink-slip, final pay, and lump-sum distribution of $32.17
9/17 Pilgrims on their way to Alpha Centauri send 8 bit message: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ODOR PERMEATING THE GALAXY?
9/17 Chile + Peru sweat...Callao 130, Cuzco 129, Arica 118, Iquito 140, Calama 109, Temuco 101, Copiapo 102
9/17 Cops have no clues in attempted homicide of DS... Jane C refuses to pay as terms of contract not fulfilled
9/17 Cochran files law suit against Jane C for breech of contract. Cochran files law suit against ACCC + GE as well
9/17 unable to get any dope...Heroinballs gets a cyber-vicarious thrill at------ http://www.peregrinepro.com/
9/17 Tigers smashed yet another time- 15-0 to Yankees (as Pettitte pitches a no-hitter).
9/18 now near the moon- exiled Gastointestinal Murderer calls NASA for help..incapsulated in stench filled beluga-pod
9/18 Sambo has a panic attack-hysterical-calls for a service-person job 800-385-9708 + sheet metal job 800-846-6783
9/18 BigBucks cashes in his $78,000 investment in First Jersey- gets $1.98 back!
9/18 918 hits in PA lottery.....record payout.... BigPicture forgot to play.....signs up for welfare and food stamps
9/18 Closet queen (or king??) stooge Doughboy gets excited at internet:::::::http://www.bvpb.com/
9/18 DS sent home after stiches removed-galute buys a high power telescope. Pman- out of WPIC- heads for a shack-up
9/18 Bruce Hornsby floors Elton....Joe Frazier floors Ernie Terrell....Kemp floors Dole....Cowher floors Capers
9/18 Heroinballs, salivating and sweating profusely engulfs<<< http://www.mentalhealth.com/drug/p30-c01.html>>>
9/19 Outerspace Oddball Stinkman Walleye crash-lands on moon-oxygen depleated- he starts breathing his own putrid fumes
9/19 DS tele-observes moon along with jobless bum Machoman, SAA, Warren Zevon, Hardturd, Lilliput, Pman + Doughboy
9/19 Dole says tax cut will now be 20% if elected...deficit will be $99.3 octillion by 1998
9/19 catatonic self-toxified Mooninvader Gluebrain Walleye informs NASA there are 8 headed moonmen present
9/19 Drug king Heroinballs plea-bargains his way out of jail-gives cops his dope cashe for his freedom
9/19 MOONMEN confirmed-see............. http://culter.colorado.edu:1030/~allend/Main.html
9/19 Agoraphobic sludge producing moonstinkman sees aliens- http://www.users.cts.com/crash/d/drtruesd/strange.html
9/19 CMU robotics institute launches moon rover on special emergency mission
9/20 non-working hobo MachoBigPicture goes to Chiefs- slops down 49 40 oz. malts and passes out
9/20 Winnipeg ties Edmonton 30-30. SJMFs read (http://www.sover.net/~dbjay3/index.html) for special mutual-enemas
9/20 Psychotic methadone abuser HB applies for Director of Pharmacyjob-sends fax to 216-595-7295
9/20 computer/internet literate Hakio Hardturd searches for + finds himself at.... http://www.pitt.edu/~dasst14/cal2.html
9/20 Pman gets his B+W $110 million payment....goes out and buys 14 million cartons of cigarettes and a 1978 Dodge
9/20 Heroinballs gets his B+W $110 million payment...immediately catches a speeding Lear jet to Columbia
9/20 Larry Pressler emails Clinton that there are eight headed aliens all over the solar system...Clinton refers it to Gore
9/20 Former urinal scrubman SamboJambo begs looped Hardturd to hire him back..Hardturd tells him to go eat a DOLE banana
9/20 SJMFs read//////- http://www.paranoia.com/coe/..........become even more paranoid!
9/21 Derby County 2-Sheffield Wed. 1, Toronto 49-Stampeders 16, Sunderland 5-Coventry City 0
9/21 seeking an angle to get $ from HB millionaire-SamShamBigPicture reads- http://pharminfo.com/drugfaq/thor_faq.html
9/21 Mexico turns to unsaturated fat: Durango 158, Jalapa 170, Monterrey 139, Monclova 144, Torreon 121, etc.
9/21 HB returns from south as happy as a fed baby...has 497 footlockers discharged from baggage
9/21 Blackburn 19- Everton 18, Saskatchewan 99-British Columbia 98, Nottingham Forest 2-W Ham United 1
9/21 Undertaker wins WECWFEWWCH title in best 2 of 3 match over Giant.....Bobby the Brain retires
9/21 Hootie tops music charts- replacing Electriclarryland...selling 199 million in China today alone
9/21 Oxygen starved moon-nerd Gastro-Hbomb views-- http://www.arts.ucsb.edu/~messiah/solaranus/solar035.html
9/21 SamMafiaBigPicture accepts a job... will be a air traffic controller for Etna Tugboat Air-Express
9/22 CMU moon rover soft lands on moon and locates Gastointestinal wreck by his odors-puts stinking beluga in silica
9/22 martyr-self rightious SJMFs lay like dogs......Jets get slaughtered by Giants in NJ Meadow-66 to 0
9/22 Tottenham Hotspurs 11-Leicester City 8, Ottawa 51-Hamilton Tiger-Cats 18
9/22 HB cops a new drug on the internet (http://www.idahonews.com/news/local/methdoc.htm)
9/22 Seattle 7-TB 6, Dallas 19-Buffalo 3, Oakland 69-SD 2, Phila 16-Atlanta 0, Carolina 18-SF 16
9/22 Dopefeen Heroinballs smokes 10 Js laced with crack then eats 14 7 layer burritos at Taco Bell-barfs everywhere
9/22 Barcelona clobers Real Sociedad 11-1 and Cork City demolishes Finn Harps 10-0
9/22 Net surfing again- SAA discovers Pigs from Mars---- http://www.pluggedin.org//nathan/acp/acp.gif
9/22 Lilliput smells rotten eggs at http://www.arts.ucsb.edu/~messiah/solaranus/solar009.html
9/23 First day on his new job-RamboMachoSambo is fired for insubordination-heads to Chiefs-68 shots later is in the gutter
9/23 Dave Pman blows up 78 Dodge on Forbes Ave-smokes a pack of cigs-then walks to work
9/23 vomit-smelling HB looks for drugs at ((((http://lams.losalamos.k12.nm.us/~doe/joke.html))))
9/23 Moonman Buckminster Shitbottoms dreams of raw deer meat- a big brown bag full of glue and midnight bike rides
9/23 Garbageman Doughboy and his ugly smelly slob wife lay low like stinking dogs
9/23 On RAW- Marlena pins Sunny and Sable to win the title again and Goldust marries Psycho Sid
9/23 College students nationwide report an epidemic of involuntary enemas...Moonman Walleye gets excited hearing this
9/24 Searching hard for a hit-Dopehead checks out http://reitox.aie.nl/ida/un.htm
9/24 Libriumbrain finds:http://www.cs.buffalo.edu/~segarra/addict.html ---- http://www.onf.ca/FMT/E/48/48018.html
9/24 Sambo calls for jobs at 800-557-3376, 800-366-5715, 800-331-1706 and 800-876-6676 ext. 329
9/24 Entire west coast suffers from a major power blackout-35 million live like wild animals in heat
9/24 Buckminster Moonclown rewires CMU rover and musters up a super-gas bomb- to launch himself into moon orbit
9/24 jobless bum RamboSambo looks for machismo and finds -- http://www.uni.uiuc.edu/~jameya/feminist.html
9/24 Modell snoops around: http://www2.theravens.com./theravens/
9/24 Alanis floors Aretha ...Lysakou floors Euseev...SAA floors Gail...Newt floors Barry...Penguin floors Grommie
9/24 stocks crumble on Wall Street as word gets out that Brownpants Hbomb Murderer is on his way back to the earth
9/25 DS eats 2 cans of vanilla cake icing....Heroinballs enhales 44 brownies filled with marijuana and opium wine
9/25 Slumping BigBucks gets a job as a bartender at Chiefs making $1.20 hr and all you can drink
9/25 SAA screens 444 punks-Gail screens 420 snot-nosed-nerds. Pman orders a used Chevy at 800-950-2438
9/25 Missouri lottery pays out record $77 million as 0925 hits
9/25 sheister Doughboy cries for himself after reading++++++++http://www.axess.com/martyr/index.html
9/25 After a hard days work Hardturd plops down in Chiefs for about 50 beers-finds MachomanRambo tending bar
9/25 Jane C views http://www.ami-med.com/std/scr/002296sc.htm. West coast power cant be restored for a month
9/26 US Airforce attemps to shoot down BuckminsterSpaceBeluga but fails miserably...stinkman lands in Lake Erie
9/26 DS, SAA, Gail, PLG, and IP enjoy dirty pictures at------- http://www.willowtree.com/~jonhill/pigchik.html
9/26 EPA declares Lake Erie contaminated beyond repair. College students- get thousands at www.pheaa.com
9/26 Bored Lilliput calls 800-822-1174, 800-692-7435, 800-638-2328, 800-225-2525, 800-252-2262 etc. etc.
9/26 Hakio Hardturd and RamboSamboBarman consume massive quantities of beer, vodka, whiskey, rum...hit the floor
9/26 HB sucks up`````````` http://www.parks.tas.gov.au/jimi/hey-joe/1996/19960411..5
9/26 local dopeking Heroinballs ships Marion Barry a footlocker special delivery UPS
9/27 Weird outerspace being Buckminster Gasmaster quarantined in Cuyahoga County jail...CIA talks with moon-goon
9/27 Power once again restored to west coast..heatwave engulfs entire western US...temperatures over 100 everywhere!
9/27 BFS Brownpants Gluesniffer tells CIA of 8 headed moonmen, 2 headed moondeer, aliens giving him enemas- on + on
9/27 Stiff-inanimate Yeltsin calls Clinton on stooge moon-goon- wants complete feedback on this psychotic nerd
9/27 Hung-over SamboJamboMigrane thinks of the good old days viewing http://www.pitt.edu/~dasst14/cal3.html
9/27 CIA releases Buckminster BFS Stinkman and Cleveland Police order stooge baluga out of the city immediately
9/28 Virgil Hill (42-1) and Henry Masice (30-0) fight 12 rounds in Dortmund- it's a draw
9/28 Southampton 3-Middlesbrough 0, Saskatchewan 42-Winnipeg 39, Derby County 7-Wimbledon
9/28 HB joins the Cannabis Buyers Club in SF. Atty. General Lungren investigates hash-head
9/28 Machoman Samsham admires his hero************* http://www.magi.com/~duggan/superstars/savage.htm
9/28 Cyber-nerd DS takes a trip to the far east thru www.hkta.org. CBS reports a major earthquake rocks Cleveland
9/28 Hall + Nash demolish Sting and Bobby Heenan. Mysterious killer odors engulf entire western PA region
9/28 PLG orders crafts at http://avmcyber.com/handmade/.......... Epsilon Eridani super-nova effect proved a big hoax
9/29 Baltimore 13-NO 0, Vitesse 6-Feyenoord 5, Pittsburgh 72-Houston 0, Edmonton 33-BC 8, Real Madrid 3-Espanyol 0
9/29 Gastrointestinal Bombadeer slops up on burritos, pork and beans, hard boiled eggs, sauer kraut and Budweiser
9/29 Carolina pounds Jacksonville, Montreal whips Tiger-Cats, Cincinnati skims Denver + Chicago dumps Oakland
9/29 slob Doughboy views http://hammock.ifas.ufl.edu/txt/fairs/1161-+- http://www.lia.co.za/users/rawgrj/
9/29 desperate non-working bum SamboBarman sends his resume to KFC (508-264-0395)
9/29 Gunman goes crazy in Seattle Two Union Square building killing 72 and injuring 101
9/30 Buckminster Brownbagger, Heroinballs and Dave Pman party at Chiefs with BigPicture and Hardturd
9/30 IP surfs on to some big balls at............. http://www.ami-med.com/std/scr/002296sc.htm
9/30 call 800-543-2937 for more info on moonmen or 800-282-5393 for info on 8 headed aliens from Umbriel
9/30 Dave Pman gets his big pay and buys a used tugboat- will go carp fishing on the Mon tomorrow
9/30 stoned Brownpants Stinkman Walleye tells his bar-fly-buddies about his trip to the moon/aliens/enemas, etc. etc.
9/30 seeking another college career, PLG calls 800-873-7665.
9/30 read tomorrows news at www.planetary.net/robots/enquirer.html
If you enjoyed this material, you can find other satire, humor, comedy and sarcasm written by Dan Sroka at the following sites:
- Dan Sroka World Famous Calendars and Short Stories
- Dan Sroka's Unpublished Proceedings
- Dan Sroka's Digital Diarrhea
- satire-by-sroka
- Dan Sroka's Berserk Briefs
  
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Dan Sroka September 1996 Calendar

Copyright © Dan Sroka, 8/19/96, 4/08