America's leading INDEPENDENT adult humor network/content provider
Resources from the Dan Sroka Humor Network
Network Portal | Free Email | Video | Podcast | Affiliate Program | Search | Fan Club | Blog | Survey
Dan Sroka June 1997 Calendar
- 1 PISS Commissioner Steve E. Scrotum announces major changes for the
Professional Indoor Soccer Society (PISS). To develope an international
image, 2 franchises will be relocated-- the St. Paul Boilers will move to
Quebec and be renamed the Quebec Double Dribblers and the Oklahoma City 89ers will be relocated to Regina and titled the Regina
Salivators. Scrotum said that new stadiums/facilities in these cities
will help boost attendance for these 2 saging franchises. Furthermore,
PISS will expand further in the future, into other countries, such as
Mexico and possibly the Democratic Republic of the Congo.
- 1 Kelly Flinn joins the Canadian Air Patrol as an entry-level 5 star
General/Chief Warrant Office/Pilot Mistress. She will command the AC 69th
N Squadron, based in Regina
- 1 JPL notifies NASA/Houston that the Pathfinder is not
responding to signals and will most likely crash into Percival Lowell
ridge
- 1 Rubberneck Sambo calls Hakio Hardturd (whos in a drunken stupor from last nights blow-out) and convinces HH to go to church with him. The 2 aqualungs attend services but both head straight for the saloon
post-sermon
- 1 The London Midnight-Post/Mirror reports that a potentially deadly
epidemic of sexual abuse is wide-spread in Soho. Teenagers are practicing
what they call MARV (Marv Albert Rectum Violation) which entails
inserting an M-80 (encased in an explosion proof plastic shell) in their
partners rear. This is ignited by the other. If the first one survives,
the other partner has to gets a double MARV. Typically the girl does the
guy first. The Midnight-Post/Mirror reports 30 Soho teenagers have had
serious injuires from this practice.
- 1 Dr. J.J. Undercyclothyme informs modern-day Caveman Beluga Walleye that he has
- 2 The most talked about site on the world wide web:
http://www.cen.uiuc.edu/~nkpatel/mr.t/index.html
- 2 George Bush notifes Clinton he is changing the official name of
Texas to the --Republic of Texas--
- 2 The Olympic Comittee announces that the 2080 summer Olympics have
been awarded to Stoeng Treng Cambodia- 37 new stadiums will be built
there, by the year 2079- at a projected (current dollar estimate of) $56.9
trillion
- 2 Blair, hearing about MARV, orders Scotland Yard to investigate and
stop this nonsense. Sherlock Holmes jumps on the case
- 2 In their opener, before 25,300, the Double Dribblers take a real
pounding from the Milwaukee Cheeseballs 15-0. The home crowd riots and
completely wrecks the arena
- 2 Buckminster Brownpants Shitpants calls the boys in for a union-pep talk and informs the goons.......you will speak in BELUGAONICS only, or you will face severe conserquences......The boys dont take to this too well and agree to have a sick-out blue tuesday
- 3 Get rid of your pimples at 888-800-2573 or get a postal
service job paying $17.24 hr at 913-599-8226
- 3 Sambo Stiffneck Rambo hears (through the grapevine- the cribari grapevine) that the boys may not be at work today. Sambo heads directly to
Gun-a-Rama and the
Liquor Store
- 3 Gail changes the background color of her home page to DEEP SWISS
chocolate, DS changes the background color of his home page to bile/pyuria yellow, SAA changes the background color of her home page to fluorosis
mottled brown, Sambo changes the background color of his home page to
cribari rotgut burgundy, SJMFs change the background color of their home page to penny-pinching sheister green, OJ changes the background color of his home page to jugular/BLOOD-RED, PLG changes the background color of her home page to nightmare black and Hardturd swares that he will put a home page on the internet once he learns how to log into unixs
- 3 At his annual check-up with Dr. Schizobergerwicz, Yesman is told he has clostridium tetani. For once, Yesman cant speak!
- 3 All of the Belugas, Cave-Beings and the ANUS boys call off work sick. Sambo Stiffneck, Hardturd, Galoot DS and Farouk get all tangled
up in copper
- 3 Bush appoints Richard McLaren assistant-Govenor to the Republic of
Texas. Clinton sends McLaren email congratulating him and wishing him luck
in his new responsibilities
- 3 Tangled in wires macho Sambo-Rambo accidentally shoots himself in the foot with his pistol. Souped-up Macho-man is rushed to the ER where he
is sewed up. Post operation, he is placed in a room, temporarily, with
Lasorda, who has just been resusitated after 22 major heart attacks. The
attending physician, Dr. Poindexter J. Skinflint, says he is doing excellent! Sambo give Skinflint a sip of his cribari
- 4 Donna makes (rice) for Garys (hart) heart. Sigourney (weaves) as
Marge gives her her best (shot) and tells her about Hitler
- 4 ................http://www.mk.net/~mcf/light.htm
- 4 Here is your chance to get 2000 beer cans- call 412-453-1407. Earn
$300,000 at 407-660-8899
- 4 Slobbish Doughboy vists Nebuchadnezzar ....when will he get to the promised land? When will the soil be fertile? When will salvation come? When will I inherit the earth?
- 4 In a special ABC PISS double-penetration wednesday special: NY Dolls
4, Cyberkinks 3 and the Charlotte Snuffers smoke the Cleveland Bulldykes
5-1
- 5 Kak Lumox Walleye the Human-Gorilla meets with the boys again....the
wimp gives in- they DO NOT have to speak BELUGAONICS, but can choose
between Flatulanconics, Rustonics or Belugaonics......the goons approve
and inform Shitpants they will submit paperwork requesting that the
Unified Brotherhood of Proletariat Manual Workmen (UBPMW) board award the
ugly behemoth a health pay increase! Kak acknowledges their commitment by
emitting a humongous 50 megaton sulfer bomb that evacuates the building
instantaneoulsy
- 5 The London Midnight-Post/Mirror reports that teenagers in Brighton
have extrapolated on MARV epidemic sweeping Soho. In the Brighton variety,
the M-80 is unprotected, and the guy does the girl first. If she makes it,
he has to take a triple unprotected M-80 and expose his shoulders to a
Warren Zevon back-attack. 39 mutilated teenagers, including 6 deaths, are
reported in Brighton so far
- 5 Hakio calls (from his Sprint PCS phone) 800-872-2525, 800-843-3499,
800-457-0294 and 800-223-3223
- 5 Heroinballs has a brain effusion......is rushed to the PUH ER in a solid-near fatal coma
- 5 Blair summons Sherlock into his penthouse What the hell is going
on with those teenage punks in Brighton and Soho? Sherlock says he has his best people working on the case. He tells Blair that there is reason to believe that Margaret is behind all of this. Blair doesnt buy that but
orders all human resources available on the MARV case. This epidemic must
be stopped before those crack-pots in California hear about this!
- 6 CNN leaks a breaking story: The JPL Goldstone CA deep space station
telecommunications telescope has picked up a weird signal pattern from
Titan. JPL believes this signal might be bouncing off of Titan, with its
inception billions of light years away
- 6 At Chiefs cafe, after a noon-time liquid lunch of 38 martinis,
Rubberneck/Stiffneck Sambo tells Hardturd he is Knobby Walsh.
Hakio, having hit 55 beers and 13 glasses of wine, thinks Sambo is just
blowing off steam. He tells his bar-fly buddy that he is Vasco da Gama.
Sambo believes that Hardturd has called him a vulgar-insulting name and
the two drunkards get into a big brawl. Rubberneck pulls out his .38 and shoots HH in his big beer-belly. HH is rushed to the ER and Sambo is
locked up in jail (again)
- 6 Dr. Undercyclothyme sews up Hakios big beer-belly and HH is put in a ICU room with Heroinballs. Killerman Sambo is rushed through the criminal
court process, without a trial. Judge Prepuse P. Foreskin sentences BigPicture Gunman to 20 years hard labor
- 6 Learning that Killerman Macho Sambo is in jail, after shooting their
arch-enemy Hakio, the UBPMW boys call Dumb-Stooge Baluga Stinkman and tell him to bail BigPicture out of jail immediately. Shitpants puts up $3 million straight bond from UBPMW union dues and Sambo Pistolwhipper is
released from the lockup- no questions asked. Judge Foreskin is seen
subsequently wiring millions of dollars to an unmarked/unregistered
capital account in the Democratic Republic of the Congo
- 6 Lilliput consults with PLG. She is unhappy that she is not given
more attention in certain internet calendars. PLG assures Lilliput that she knows how to remedy the situation and immediately makes a call to
Calif.
- 7 Dave Pman, looking for a hard-headed woman, comes across vindictive-sheister black-haired Wigwoman...............
- 7 BBC reports that Leeds teenagers are going crazy with versions of
the MARV epidemic. The Leeds MARV involves putting the M-80 in an
uninflated NFL football, inserting that into the body cavity, inflating
the football, and igniting the M-80. Once that explodes, if there is
anything left, the victim gets another chance with an M-80 (inside of a
NBA basketball). The BBC further reports that no Leeds teenager has
survived this version of the epidemic
- 7 Sambo calls his broker at home and orders him to buy any and all
stock he can procure related to the manufacture of M-80s
- 7 from the north pole to Antartica. The world is startled
and shocked. What will happen now?! Why and how was this kept secret? What
is Scotland Yard doing? Where are all of these M-80s coming from? Who is
responsible for all of this?
- 7 In their hospital room, Hakio is administered a direct hookup IV to a keg of Strohs. Heroinballs is kept alive with a jugular pipeline to a vat of morphine. Sambo visits his buddy Heroinballs and slips him five M-80s, but does not stop at Hardturds bedside. HH was bombed anyway, never even knowing that Killerman Stiffneck was in the room
- 8 Sham-artist Doughboy
takes a verbal beating from his ugly wife:
Get out there and get some M-80s now! Wimp Doughboy is thrown out of his dump and ordered not to return without these
- 8 While Doughboy is out searching for explosives Pman takes a drubbing from doughboys wife. Pman is sent to the ER and is eventually placed in
the same room as beerbelly HH and Heroinballs. Pman asks to be put in
another room but is told that his Rustonics health care plan will only
permit a hospital room shared with 2 others. Dr. Schizobergerwicz comforts Pman and assures him that he is safe
- 8 PLG gets email from California. The issue will be resolved
expeditently. Do you have a long, very sharp knife?
- 8 Shinichiro Kanekos favorite web site----------- http://www.c3f.com/
- 8 BigPicture Moneyman Sambos broker swings a special deal getting 2000
shares of pyrotecnic stock for $3,700 when it was valued at $1,499. Sambo
is very pleased with the deal and gives his broker a semi-automatic pistol
as a token of appreciation
- 9 Call 888-373-3262 for a free subscription.......get some job
training at 800-625-4672
- 9 In monday night PISS action- Footlongs 2-Spouts 0, LA Murderers
15-Salivators 1, Yellowbuckets 3-Goldenshowers 0
- 9 Sherlock gives Blair a full report: The MARV epidemic is a result of
deliquents rebelling against cultural and societal norms. Blair tells
Sherlock- tell me something I dont already know
- 9 Hardturd is discharged from the hospital and heads straight for
Pedros Pool Hall and a
complete blasting
- 9 Vindictive-bitch Wigwoman meets with Baluga H Cornhole in Boston. Bigboy and Biggirl get into a royal fiasco
- 10 Sam Horowitz tag-teams with Vernon Dent in a grudge match against
Shaman Mahavira-juni Lao-Tze Garu-Guru and Messiah Nanak Varhamana Abdul-Alibaba II .......winners take all!
- 10 Become a SEWAGE TRAINEE!!!!---call 800-242-3736---check out diesel tech at 910-996-6060
- 10 spaced-out Heroinballs is sent home to pass away....he is given his
last rites (for about the 20th time)
- 10 California officials fear the MARV epidemic has hit as hundreds of
teenagers are buying M-80s, footballs and basketballs
- 10 James Earl Ray confesses that it was OJ who killed MLK.....OJ
confirms
- 11 In the first ever All Canadian PISS game, before 22,000
rabid fans in the Regina Municipal Cow Barn, the Quebec Double Dribblers
slaughter the Salivators 16-0. PISS Commissioner Steve E. Scrotum, who was in attendance, said the crowd got its money worth, paying only $39 per
ticket
- 11 Teenage punks in Soho, Leeds and Brighton switch from M-80s to
unprotected dynamite. The MARV epidemic is getting worse
- 11 Kak Paskahousu Brownpants convinces the The Federated Unionized International Brotherhood of CaveBeings that they must try and persuade their sons and daughters not to get involved with the MARV
phenomenon....the boys get fired up
- 11 PLG has another nightmare: She is with who
suggests that she buy some M-80s and a football. She really does not want
to do this but he forces her to. All of a sudden, out of the clear blue,
Pope Gregory XIII comes to the rescue. Just as all was looking clear,
Gregory XIII tells her he is a big Marv Albert fan! PLG wakes- startled,
shaking and dazed
- 11 Did it take long to find me and are you going to stay the night?
- 11 Get a hotel room for $69.95...216-267-5100, become a Janitor
at 800-873-9633 or 800-717-7795
- 12 Asst. Gov. McLaren bans Texas teenagers from practicing MARV, safe
or unsafe! Calif. teens are dying left and right as M-80s are selling
faster than pancakes going down Doughboys throat at breakfast......
- 12 The Unionized Central Brothers of the American National Union
Society (ANUS) warns its members to talk to their teens about the dangers
of MARV. The goons sign a pledge to do such, and collectively forget about it
- 12 http://www.igc.org/Womensnet/dworkin/New.Womans.Broken.Heart.html
---(takes over 2 million hits in one day!)
- 12 Kevorkian files a class action law suit against all teenagers
worldwide.....you are infringing on MY business endeavors!
- 12 Jiang sends Blair and Clinton email: What is going on with your
teens? Our teens are well behaved!
- 12 Gruesome Gorilla Walleye holds a pep-rally. The Federal Brotherhood
of Stooge-Lumox Belugas declares MARV banned
- 13 NASA/Houston reports that aliens have been discovered on Lalande
21185..... they look like human beings, only they have bites all over their backs
- 13 Marv Levy, OJ and Marv Albert have a big party at Rich
Stadium....35,000 teens attend- free M-80s distributed to all
- 13 Blair tells Sherlock.....stop this madness! Sherlock orders a
police state in Leeds, Brighton and Soho. Eric Burdon, seizing the
opportunity, reunites
- 13 Gov. Wilson orders M-80s banned in Calif. Crazy CA teens start
buying dynamite in massive quantities
- 13 The London Midnight-Post/Mirror reports that the only place where
the MARV epidemic has not been reported is CHINA
- 13 Modell orders Baltimore stadium authorities to ban M-80s from Raven
games. In the same meeting- Modell guarantees the Ravens will win the
super bowl this year
- 14 Clinton tells Gore- send Jiang email asking him to produce millions
of bogus M-80s that will not explode!
- 14 Clinton calls Janet Reno and orders her to ban MARV throughout the
land. Reno jumps and lays down the law
- 14 Jiang, having received Gores email- orders the Kunming
Peoples Bomb Factory into full 24 hour a day/365 day production
- 14 The Animals re-release Dont Let Me Be Misunderstood. Soho,
Leeds and Brighton teenage punks go crazy
- 14 In PISS saturday action (All ban-MARV games) the Washington
Platapus beat the Footlongs 1-0 and the Double Dribblers tie the Nirvanas 13-13
- 15 Hakio Hardturd, BigBucksBigPictureMachoManRamboSambo and the flute playing gruesome gorilla Walleye meet at Liverlips Bar + Grill for a lot
of drinking. The lush gang discusses the MARV epidemic. Soused up Machoman tells the boys: When I was a teenage- we practiced safe sex! If it was anal, oral, perverted, whatever.....IT WAS SAFE!
- 15 Fax your resume to 706-275-1888----install insulation
(800-734-7966) or WORK IN DALLAS....800-549-1635
- 15 Constipation Time-bomb Buckminster Brownpants blows a 60 megaton
bomb that wrecks Lincoln Place, Boston + Hays
- 15 Teenagers in China get word of the MARV phenomenon and start buying M-80s, NFL footballs and NBA basketballs by the millions
- 15 CD shops in Shanghai, Nanjing and Tientsin sell out of pirated
Animal CDs- hundreds of thousands are back-ordered
- 15 Al-Jumhuriya Bulletin: The Great Satan is alive and well-British and American teenage-punks go psychotic
- 16 The Federal Government bans MARV.....Kevorkian wins his class
action law suit and is awarded $67 billion in damages
- 16 Blair summons Sherlock into his penthouse.....You let those Yanks
beat us to the punch! Blair orders Parliament to ban MARV
- 16 The Democratic Republic of the Congo bans MARV. Menem bans MARV in Argentina. Mubarak bans MARV in Egypt
- 16 The United Nations adopts a platform advising all member nations to ban MARV
- 16 Jiang, unable to meet the world demand for bogus M-80s, orders the
Chengdu Collective United Gun-powder Conglomorate, Ltd. into full
production.....millions of fake M-80s are shipped out of the Kunming
facility to Britian, Canada, US and Germany
- 16 The JPL informs CBS that the deep space network has received
another message via Titan: Give your teenagers M-80s!
- 16 Chinese teens buy M-80s and Animal CDs and direct their computers
to: http://www.c3f.com/mostfh01.html
- 17 Stiffneck Sambo calls his broker....order 60,000 shares of Chengdu
Collective United Gun-powder stock NOW.....
- 17 Wall Street is at an all-time high.....NFL footballs and NBA
basketballs are being imported all over the globe
- 17 NASA/Houston informs NBC that the aliens from Lalande 21185 have
placed and order for 55 trillion footballs, 60 trillion basketballs and 30
octillion M-80s
- 17 Greenspan shits.....at a press conference...he tells the NY
Times--
- 17 The stockmarket plunges on word that the Lalande 21185 order cant
be fullfilled...the DOW drops 6,500 points in one hour
- 17 Clinton calls Jiang....can you supply us with Chinese made NFL
footballs, NBA basketballs and REAL M-80s???????
- 18 In a strange phenomenon..... hundreds of thousands of magpies swarm
all over Germany, Poland and the Czech. Republic
- 18 Jiang goes on the radio across China- everyone stop
producing fake M-80s and start producing real ones
- 18 Jiang goes on TV and shows the populace what NFL footballs and NBA
basketballs look like and orders the collective will to get these in the
market place now........The Shanghai stockmarket goes crazy
- 18 Manufacturers in Tokyo and Osaka send email to Clinton...we can
produce better quality footballs and basketballs!!!!!!!
- 18 Teens in Brighton, Soho and Leeds rebell against all of this....No
more MARV......its safe sex only from here on out...
- 18 Suddenly teenage punk deaths in Britian drop to 0. Blair summons
Sherlock....what the hell is going on out in the streets?
- 19 In a drunken stupor at the Ross Chinamans-Tse Tao Club,
Sambo-MachoCamacho Rubberneck pontificates to tanked up Hardturd- When I was a teenage we didnt do crazy stuff like these foolish punks today!
Hardturd is in a drunken coma- hears none of this garbage
- 19 Greenspan gets email from Helms.....we can produce M-80s out of
tobacco....Greenspan says..why didnt I think of that
- 19 Greenspan calls Clinton, Clinton advises Gore, Gore calls Jessee.
Capers announces that the Carolina Panthers will be re-named the Carolina
Tobacco-subsidized Cancer-facilitators
- 19 Calif. teens stop buying M-80s, footballs and basketballs.
Wilson asks Feinstein-what the hell is going on?????
- 19 Millions of magpies swarm all over southern California.....Bush
asks Asst. Gov. McLaren why no Republic of Texas teens have died today?
McLaren is mistified
- 19 Adams tells the Houston city council: We will keep the Oilers here
if you build a new M-80 shaped domed stadium. Council unanimously rejects
the idea.....
- 20 Smokin Joe Pman buys Ice Princess a pet magpie, a football and a
basketball...Pman and IP have hot sex (unprotected)
- 20 Reno reports to Clinton.....not one teenager has died of MARV
across the entire land! It appears the epidemic is over....
- 20 Koop tells Clinton- MARV is insidious- dont put your guard down.
Koop informs the CDC-MARV is still our main enemy
- 20 under a full moon- hundreds of thousands of magpies fly into Salt
Lake City.....News Week has a 15 page spread on this weird situation
- 20 In a special friday night PISS game televised nationally on ABC,
the Charlotte Snuffers drub the Norfolk Placebos 10-0 before a sold-out
crowd at Rich Stadium. OJ, Marv and Marv attend.
- 20 Soho teenage punks start a new craze: collecting pet
magpies.....every punk must now have his or her own magpie!
- 21 Heroinballs pops football and basketball shaped tiny pills....Big
Lumox Cro-magnon Brownpants drops a football shaped turd that forces the
evacuation of the entire building
- 21 thousands of magpies are spotted in Chicago, Indianapolis and
Cleveland....none are seen in Canada, however
- 21 In hard working China...trillions of M-80s, footballs and
basketballs are produced for shipment to Washington DC
- 21 Leeds punks buy florescent dyed magpies......Brighton teenage
holligans get pet magpies in M-80 shaped cages
- 21 Get on the FAST track at 800-783-9372 or earn over $35,000 at
800-682-3719
- 21 Modell refuses to allow the Ravens to play the Carolina
Tobacco-subsidized Cancer-facilitators. Modell informs Tagliabue he will
rename the Ravens the
- 22 Vindictive sheister-Wighead pounds the shit out of her
lardy-hubby....where is my magpie?
- 22 PISS official Steve E. Scrotum warns the Canadian fans- we may pull
our franchises out of Canada if attendance doesnt improve!
- 22 Dont miss this---
http://www.peryt.waw.pl/nowosci/gazeta/cash/archive/95031006.html
- 22 Thurmond tells Clinton- we got plenty of tobacco to go
around......Clinton tells Thurmond- go back to sleep
- 22 Sherlock reports to Blair that there is a severe magpie shortage in
Britian and he believes that Margaret is behind it all
- 22 PLG changes the background color of her home page to magpie black
and configures it so that anyone viewing the page will have their homepage
infected with an electronic version of the MARV epidemic- causing the page
to explode
- 23 The LA Times reports that billions of magpies are swarming around
the Cholula Pyramid, Puebla, Mexico
- 23 At almost the same time the London Midnight-Post/Mirror has a story
that trillions of magpies are all over the Pyramid of Cheops
- 23 CNN reports that hikers have spotted SACAGAWEA in the
Rockies with a magpie on each shoulder
- 23 Sambo-Rambo and goon-Beluga Hbomb get into a fist fight over
MARV/magpies/teenage punks and tobacco
- 23 PLG has another nightmare---she is at the Tower of Babel and its
literally covered with magpies smoking wet dank cigars
- 23 Beaten to a pulp, bloody Sambo calls his broker- get me in on some
pet magpie stocks immediately..........
- 24 Greenspan orders Wall Street closed today on word that trillions of
magpies are headed straight for New York City
- 24 Buffalo cops report that Rich Stadium has burned to the ground
overnight.....no alarms were sounded- its gone..
- 24 Lilliput consults with PLG....that ass is still not giving me any
space in his calendar-
- 24 Millions of foreigners are brought into China factories to help
produce M-80s, footballs and basketballs
- 24 The Belugas and the Cavemen honor their hero with a special Certificate
- 24 Kelly Flinn hijacks a Canadian B-52 and heads straight for Puebla, Mexico
- 25 The Olympic Comittee announces that the 3000 summer Olympics have
been awarded to Leeds
- 25 Quadrillions of magpies swarm all over Soho and Brighton- eating
everything and everybody in sight- Leeds is magpie free, however
- 25 Bolivian officials report that trillions of magpies are destroying
Nevado Sajama- coffee prices will skyrocket!!!
- 25 Sheister penny-pincher Doughboy catches a magpie....what a good
lunch he has (until his gruesome wife sees it)
- 25 Dan Rather reports that the estimated world population of magpies
is now
but there is not one magpie in Canada!
- 25 Eric Burdon retires and the Animals fold (again)....Lasorda has 35
straight heart attacks- but is doing well
- 25 No magpies are seen in NYC......the stockmarket was closed for no
reason and, as a result about $500 million went down the tubes
- 26 Internet nuts- you must see this-----
http://info.pue.udlap.mx/udla/Catalogos/inip/directorio/tel
- 26 hung-over pencil-necked geek MamboMoneybagsSambo meets with dreamer
PLG- they discuss magpies seen at their respective bird feeders
- 26 Beluga Shitpants Caveman has a check up with Dr. J.J.
Undercyclothyme...the Doc detects a 2000 foot long tape worm in the
gruesome beasts intestines as Shitpants is diagnosed with enteritis
- 26 Rubberneck Sambo Stooge has a check up with Dr. Poindexter J.
Skinflint ... the Doc informs the nerd that he has a swollen mastoid
sternocleido and must refrain from any and all booze for 3
weeks....Rubberneck gets pissed off and storms out of the office and heads
straight for the liquor store and buys several cases of hard liquor and
procedes to get emballmed
- 26 .
Get $40,000.....800-682-3719
- 26 Tanked up Stiffneck calls 412-344-9100 for a career in bartending.
Stiffneck is rejected as being a lush
- 27 Internet Cops shut down the following domains: thezone.net,
psnw.com, tiac.net, niaa.net, tisd.net, swbell.net, digital.co.uk,
204.191.111.81, qnet.com, 207.204.227.80, centrum.dk, axionet.com,
web-star.com, haydn2.inet.co.th, 128.220.77.122, swipnet.se,
tide14.microsoft.com, 204.189.62.31 and binc.net
- 27 Dom Capers says that the Carolina Tobacco-subsidized
Cancer-facilitators is too long of a name...it will be shortened to the
Carolina TSCFs and the teams new colors will be tobacco brown and cancer black
- 27 NASA/Houston informs the Houston Press that the aliens from
Lalande 21185 have cancelled their order for M-80s, NFL footballs and NBA
basketballs
- 27 Greenspan reads the Houston Press and takes a dump worthy of
Buckminster Beluga Shitpants/Brownpants .....we are in for a real
roller-coaster ride on Wall Street
- 27 Greenspan calls Clinton, Clinton calls Jiang, Gore calls Blair, Idi
Amin calls for more magpies for dinner, and Yeltsin calls for Geritol
- 27 Jiang orders all production of M-80s, footballs and basketballs
halted immediately- 2.7 million foreigners are expelled and the Chinese
economy goes into a tail spin........
- 27 Capers calls Modell who calls Johnson who calls Jerry Jones who
calls Marv Albert who calls Levy who calls Rooney who calls Marty......we
can get chinese footballs for less than a penny each. Paul rejects the
idea- unless we can procure these at less than a half cent each
- 27 PISS official Steve E. Scrotum attemps to work out a deal to paint
the billions of chinese basketballs white for use in PISS games
- 28 Here is a wonderful site: http://www.inet-serv.com/~tmacclin/
- 28 At a weekend pep-rally/kielbassi hog-fest the Unified Brotherhood
of Proletariat Manual Workmen (UBPMW) informally agrees to buy M-80s
imported from China if they can be had at 2 cents each or less
- 28 Taste some wine at 703-799-8604.....work in Jacksonville (fax
419-420-0375) or become an UNDERCOVER INVESTIGATOR at 888-869-8444
- 28 Teenage punks in Leeds, Soho and Brighton learn they can get
M-80s from China for dirt cheap.....the whole thing starts over again
- 28 Magpies are seen flying all over the planet...but not a single
magpie is seen within Canadian borders
- 28 In Saturday night SBN PISS action...The SF Goldenshowers leave
acetone and leukocyte stains all over the Cleveland Bulldykes and
Birmingham Stallions ram the Indianapolis Yellowbuckets
- 29 Beerbelly Hakio Hardturd calls 800-345-3552, 800-447-2766,
800-645-0104 and 800-347-5650 then hits a keg
- 29 Ice Princess gets her orbicularis oris locked on a certain part of Pmans anatomy....this goes on for hours
- 29 Rumors run rampant in Pedros Pool Hall .... Smokin Joe is a woman...Gluesniffer Buckminster is a transvestite...Sambo is a
alky...Heroinballs has stopped his drug addictions, etc. etc.
- 29 Jiang sends Clinton email--you will pay for this! Thurmond sends
Jiang email offering to supply China with 50 billion tons of tobacco if
China will supply the NFL with those footballs at 200 per dollar
- 29 After hitting a gallon of cribari and shooting 15 magpies at his
bird feeder, grandiose boozeboy Sambo Liquorlips calls his friend Hardturd
(who is stoned himself) and tells him he is Quetzalcoatl . Stoned
Hardturd is attempting to read Polska Zjednoczona Partia Robotnicza and Polska Rzeczpospolita Ludowa but his eyes are too blood-shot to see much
other than pink elephants....Sambo tells Beerbelly he was there when
Cornwallis surrendered
- 29 Commissioner Scrotum announces the franchises are being terminated in Regina and Quebec- the attendance doesnt warrant either team being there
- 30 Slobbish human-pig sheister Doughboy begs Nebuchadnezzar to save him...vindictive female-bull Wigwoman pounds fatboy silly
- 30 JPL reports that messages are being received from Titan...something
about footballs, basketballs and M-80s
- 30 Sheister Wigwoman uncovers a conspiracy when she consults with
Mordecai...vows to get even immediately!
- 30 Griffy hits 5 home runs in one game....asks for a pay increase to $22.9 million
- 30 The London Midnight-Post/Mirror reports that Soho teenagers are
taking their frustrations out on Scotland Yard. Major says this craziness
must end...NOW....Blair tells Major- keep out of my affairs....Thatcher
walks in with 2 M-80s and 2 footballs.........
If you enjoyed this material, you can find other satire, humor, comedy and sarcasm written by Dan Sroka at the following sites:
The World Famous Calendars are a division of the Dan Sroka Humor Network. If you would like to be notified whenever new writings are added to any of these sites send a BLANK email message to this address: satire-by-sroka-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Network Endorsements and Shopping. The Dan Sroka Humor Network is a totally free, non-revenue producing entity. Please patronize and shop with our partners and help keep America's Leading INDEPENDENT Adult Humor Network free
Endorsements/Shopping
Visit One of Our Many Network Affiliate Sites. Click the banner below.
3/08