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Dan Sroka March 1998 Calendar
- 1 Sitting in a closed south Texas dump/bar, boozeboys Rubberneck Sambo and Chief Hakio Hardturd comiserate with each other. Hardturd tells his boozebrother that the extra glass sitting on the bar is half full but Sambo takes exception and tells his buddy the glass is half empty. The two
goons keep arguing with themselves and each other and eventually Boxcar
Willie drounds out what cognitions they have left on the subject. After
30-50 more glasses each, Sambo gets more somber and decides to spill the beans to his good buddy and close friend, revealing he went to see Dr. J.J. Undercyclothyme and the doc told him the prognosis is bleak-with a
diagnosis of- hepatic calcification, hemochromatosis, thorotrast, hydatid cysts, gumma based on tertiary syphilis, cirrhosis, portal vein occlusion with bile ascites, urine ascites, myxedema, Wegeners
Granulomatosis, head/neck squamous cell tumors, coccidiomycosis,
primary brain tumor, acute lymph. leukemia (ALL), metastatic brain tumor
w/ menigeal lymphomatosis and approximately 30 other fatal/terminal
conditions are in the drunkards wretched carcas. Sambo further elaborated, between jugs of wine going in and buckets of tears coming out, that the doc told him he will suffer greatly in his
final period in this mundane world, to include: confusion, headache,
swelling of the brain and body, hemiparesis, listlessness, seizures,
cognitive dysphasia, total loss of bowel and urinary functions, muscle
weakness, loss of memory (long and short term), convulsions, halucinations
and complete and utter body parallasis . Sambo informs Hardturd that
Undercyclothyme said there is no hope- he will be dead by the end of the
month but that he will undergo extensive treatment including interstitial
radiation therapy, cytosine arabinoside treatments, super doses of
mannitol + glycerol, tamoxifen steroids, and 2,456 centiGray of
pulse-microwave radiation 15 times a day until death..... Sambo wonders
what it has all been for? Why was I born? How did I stumble on such a
fate? Does God really exist? Sambo grabs the (half empty) glass and slops it down. The boozeboy gets up from the bar to go take a BIG piss but loses direction and falls down a flight of steps into the closed bars basement.
Hardturd wakes up at the bar when he hears all the ruckus and runs over to
help his drunkard buddy but falls down the same flight of steps himself.
The two wretches lay there, covered in urine, in la-la land
- 1 Sitting in an open Pa. Speakeasy, Pman pours out his heart to Ice Princess. He reveals hes tired of breaking all the rules and playing with
fire, destroying homes and marriages and pounding innocent teenage virgin
babes until they cant take another shot. Porcupine Pman begs the cold
heart to settle down with him and travel down lifes path together. He will
be faithful/honorable/righteous, a good family man, provider, lover, etc.
Pman, now on one knee, crying beyond belief, is shocked to hear Ice Princess scream out .....Seconds
later the stooge realizes that Ice Princess was not accepting his offer
but had just fingered herself into heaven on earth
- 1 Sitting in an open drug-den in Ohio, Heroinballs and his close
friend Buckminster (Gluesniffer) Gruesome Shitpants wonder where the next hit might come from. The boys are a little paranoid as they just took 47 percosets. Shitpants actually let out a load as he thought he saw a narc to his right and Inter-pol agent to his left. Heroinballs, anxious, eyes jerking uncontrobably, and sweating profusely wonders are they after me? Buckminster puts the brown bag over his head so he wont have to see the enemy. Heroinballs takes his last left over load of LSD (circa 1969) and blacks out
- 1 The system crashes and King Farouk is summoned into work to resolve everything and save the day. Mr. Know-it-all thinks he picked up a bit sync/error alarm in unix so he converts bit-serial parallel to
asynchronous transfer of PSDN which tripped the alarm and destroyed
everything in the database. Sweating profusely, the King invokes implicit retransmission of Idle RQ with ACK upon time-out NAK P transmission with default set to 4Q (goon cognition) which brings EVERYTHING down and causes ABSOLUTE FATAL ERRORS system wide! The goon is now ready to have a brain attack/stroke and in haste activates a corrupted ACKs=UWE/LWE K1 sequence half-duplex fractal burst error........ Farouk realizes his ass is cooked, once and for all!
- 1 Two hearts are pounding in a bedroom in Washington DC. One heart
skips a beat and the other beats twice at that very moment
- 2 NASA/Houston reports the ice volcanos on Europa have melted and the
Oort Cloud was nothing more than a mirage....it was really the Fart
Cloud . The California drug addict/internet nerds take exception
announcing they have a Soyuz rocket they will launch from soggy San
Francisco........they are going to go to Oort....theyve heard there are a
lot of good vapors out in that region of the universe. Leary and
Applewhite told them..... watch out for that Oort gas
- 2 Vince says this is it- the WWF is folding. Nothing we do, even
giving Iron Rust an enema before 500 million, could not bail us out!
Bigboy says well sell Stone Cold to the NWO for $30 million and the Toxin Beluga Twins to the All-Japan Psuedo Sumo Blub Alliance for $50 each.
Vince declares things aint what they used to be
- 2 Drunkard dying Sambo and slouch Hardturd wake up in the bar gutter/basement. Both have pounding headaches. Stiffneck tells Hakio Hardturd ...Ill find my soul before the month is over and Hardturd says WHAT?
- 2 To defray reports of discention in the ranks the Spice Girls shack
up with each other......this will confuse their asses!
- 2 Super-prick sheister Doughboy has a revelation......I am nothing but
a worthless shamartist wimp glutton without one ounce of credibility. I deserve to be shot through the brain as I am nothing but a complete waste of carbon atoms. Doughboy decides he is going to hang himself and end it all
- 2 Casper milk-toast Yesman sits at his desk reading Huckleberry Finn. Milk-toast has a leary eye and is quick to hide his prize book when anyone walks into his office
- 3 Be a Janitor at 800-896-6406 or get thoroughly trained as a
bartender at 412-201-1180
- 3 The boys of the Queerboat Ranch realize they are beating a dead horse- they will never get retribution on Heroinballs so they give up pursuit. Mr. Heroinballs, all shot up with 3 full syringes of morphine,
somehow realizes........man, Ive got it made now. I exploited those imbeciles
- 3 Kak Paskahousu Brownpants gets out the pliers and pulls out 5 big
hemorrhoids but the bleeding would not stop so he heads for the East LA
Free Hobo Clinic. Dr. Schizobergerwicz treats the big slob, sewing him up with used horse hairs. Schizo tells stinking Kak- if you pull them out in the future, use needle-nose pliers
- 3 Somehow, the boys of United Brotherhood of Unionized Wirepullers,
The Federated Unionized International Brotherhood of CaveBeings, The
Federal Brotherhood of Stooge-Lumox Belugas, The Unionized Central
Brothers of the American National Union Society (ANUS), The United Brotherhood of Proletariat Manual Workmen and The International
Brotherhood of Unionized ISDN Cable Pullers get word that their long time
enemy Sambo-Rambo Stiffneck/Rubberneck is dying. Gruesome Gorilla Behemoth
Caveman Shitpants convinces these animals to forget about past animosities
and to honor the drunkard while he is still alive. The human-sea cucumbers
agree and donate $5 each to the Sambo Dead Man Fund. The big
gorilla collects the cash in a BFI portable dumpster he just happened to
have readily available at the union hall. Over $6 million was gathered.
Gorilla Behemoth tells the goons thanks, we collected $2,500 which will go
towards Sambo the Dead man!
- 3 At home in his basement recliner next to his WALL OF BOOZE Sambo enjoys a mixture of beer/wine/vodka/ale/rum/bourbon/whiskey/vermouth/malt.
After hours of consumption Sambo has several convulsions and is rushed to the ER. The Interns run all kind of tests on the dying boozeking and
ascertain that 3 of his 4 brain ventricles have disappeared. The intern
fellows send the lumox home to die
- 4 Mr. Paskahousu Brownpants emits massive pyroclastic eruptions that
cause the horse hairs to disintigrate. The buffoon makes himself a diaper
out of duct tape
- 4 Farouk pounds the pavement looking for another job....what system
can he Fuck Up next!??????
- 4 Sleeze-queen Ice Princess wakes up from her beauty sleep with a
massive outbreak of all over her swollen preboscus. IPs beak is larger than a big grapefruit. She immediately calls
Porcupine Pman and offers to marry him and Pman accepts, unconditionally.
Pman puts on his clothes and rushes over to Ice Princess for an antisipated good time
- 4 The JPL dudes in Calif. inform the LA Post-- the doppler shift/blue
has inverted causing 51 Peg, 70 Virginis, 47 Ursae and Majoris
Bellerophon to rush toward Earth at the speed of light. The Post reporter
on the scene asks...what hash head discovered this?
- 4 PLG dreams she is Ethel Mertz..... something to do with Ricky, a
washing machine and heavy rains in Southern California
- 5 The webmaster at the Queerboat Ranch web site caught these fools
cyber-snooping. Webmaster Cobweb placed digital cyber-bombs in each of
these so that the next time they log into their browser it will cause a
load to shoot right out of their screens.......himalia.salford.ac.uk,
wdcsun2.usdoj.gov, 205.155.145.199, b112-149-028.charleston.af.mil,
usr147-edi.cableinet.co.uk, abfd01m02-133.bctel.ca, i214.bru.euronet.be,
nts57.dialup.hawaii.edu, p23-dn03kyoto.kyoto.ocn.ne.jp,
modem-77.xcelco.on.ca, 168.178.90.109, maalox.tvi.cc.nm.us, ns.ibo.ch,
pl-ichikawa045.infosphere.or.jp + proxy4.emirates.net.ae
- 5 The Chicago Sun-Times reports that Frauline Fellatio Freda was spotted at the 14th annual Street Bum/Winos convention at the Cook County Jail last night. The young lady reportedly had a good time with all the derelicks present
- 5 Hardturd finally realizes he came from twisted roots (spanish-Harlem
trashcan birth). Sitting at the bar with his Drunkard dying friend Sambo Deadman he cries his heart out...too many headaches, too many blood shot eyes, too many halicunations!
- 5 Mr. Hardturd takes off his indian feather headdress long enough to visit Dr. Hector Kilroy. Hardturd tells the doctor about the massive headaches etc and the doc tells him...stop the boozing.... Hardturd holds
on tightly and retains a big hard stiff one. Kilroy orders a battery of
medical tests on the chieftain and after all the results are in, Kilroy
tells Hardturd the bad news.... you are dying and there is no cure!. Mr. Hardturd sits in the doctors office and crys. Kilroy tells Hardturd to go to AA but the dying boozeboy heads straight for the nearest bar to wallow in his sorrow
- 5 Buckminster Gluesniffer Shitpants gives Sambo Onewaystreet the
present he collected from the union goons.....a $2,500 certificate toward
a $50,000 funeral at Shitpants brother-in-laws funeral home. If Sambo does
not wish to partake of the special deal the whole thing is off and
Buckminster BigBoy gets to keep the money (along with the $6 million)
- 5 Karla Fay Tucker comes up out of her grave......I will kill all
of you mother fuckers!!!!
- 6 Tons of bombs and missles are sent to the direct vicinity of Iraq.
Saddam asks.....what is rotary dialing?
- 6 The State Secret Police of Australia announce that Gosses Bluff is gone.... the outback boys are suspect
- 6 Boozebrother Sambo, high on a gallon of muscatel, thinks....where is
the soul? He starts his quest looking under the epidermis. Sambo turns on
his Timex/Sinclair and searches Yahoo for soul man but only comes up with Sam and Dave (no- not you - Lost Boy!). Drunkard Rubberneck quietly slips into unconsciousness
- 6 Shaman Mahavira-juni Lao-Tze Garu-Guru sends out a directive...bring
Freda to my chambers
- 6 In Dusseldorf, Fuhrer Braunschweiger Helmut III learns that the bums/winos in Chicago got free lip service last night from his former lover. The Fuhrer orders his Storm Troopers to track her down and bring
her back home for a good soaking down
- 6 After all the success at the winter olympics the NHL offers new
contracts to several players- Lindros $122 million a week, Czerkawsvi $123
million and Lehtinen $124 million over the next 30 years
- 6 Not to be outdone, the NBA gives out generous contracts to several
players like: Hill $120,000,000, Garnett $130 million weekly and Mutombo
$150 million daily
- 7 The baseball goons say well top that- giving Oleary $50 million
every minute, McGriff $80,000,000 a second and Oneil $100 trillion a week
- 7 Walter Brennan emerges from his grave declaring...I got something
for Karla Fay Tucker! The police have to restrain the maggot infested beast
- 7 Buckminster Brownpants Shitfest is clogged, yet again. Big boy e.coli ass checks into the West End Free Bum Clinic for a checkup. Dr.
Poindexter J. Skinflint unclogs the monstrosity, but notices blood in his foul stool. Skinflint opens up this living human gorilla only to find hes full of metastatic cancer. Poindexter sews the lardass back up and sends
him home to die
- 7 Get a good job as a Laborer at 800-962-5972----be a driver
(NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY) 800-444-9983
- 7 Bar hoppers Sambo, Hardturd and Gluesniffer Baluga Brownpants sit at
the Wexford Funky Hunky Club reminising about their glory days..... Sambo Limpdick remembers how when he was a young man he pounded 13 different young ladies in the same night but Hakio Hardturd tops that....he had sex with 20 women at once when he was in the service, 39 years back, and Gluesniffer rambles on about how many sheep he did just two weeks ago. The 3 stooges collectively agree they would give Monica more than she could ever take
- 7 Pman and Ice Princess exchange vows after she popped her nose with a carving knife. No one attended the wedding and the two long time lovers will honeymoon in the East Turtlecreek Hotel (shackup suite)
- 8 People in Regina start salivating uncontrolably...... the Royal
Canadian Mounted Physicians Intern Society is summoned to the Municipal Cow Barn to study this bizarre development
- 8 Thousands start dribbling all over the place in Quebec....what is
going on? The Royal Canadian Mounted Doctors Assistant Fellows are
immediately dispersed to find out what is wrong with the francophones
- 8 Messiah Nanak Varhamana Abdul-Alibaba II , who just happened
to be on vacation hunting polar bears In Quebec, calls his ally and close
confidant Swami Arjuna Dhritarashtra IV who was eating a side of beef at
the Bombay Beef Pit/Bar and Grill. The Messiah informs the cow monger whats going on up in the frigid northland and Arjuna tells the
Messiah......those dribblers and salivators are suffering from a shortage
of mad-cow meat! Give the people massive quantities of tainted British beef and they will stop slobbering all over each other. Dhritarashtra IV had to cut the call short so as to finish the other side
- 8 As always rumors run rampant in Pedros Pool Hall .... Ice Princess has a carbunkle on her nose...she can give you a good nose job, the United Brotherhood of Proletariat Manual Workmen lynched 2 of the Queerboats last night, Karla Fay is in the back room with Sheister Doughboy but he couldnt
get it up, Stiffneck Sambo bought a burial plot next to the Homestead High
Level Bridge, King Farouk is a complete and utter goon....he fucked up a
whole vax system 2 days back causing the company to go out of business,
WigheadBitchwoman is a real ....shes
really bald under that pitch black lice nest, Pedro shit his pants and
served the boys without washing last night, Bam got some pure coke into
his Texas holding pen and Heroinballs never got a speck of it, Freda is in
the back room with Hardturd but he was too drunk to know who he was, etc. etc.
- 8 Word is received from Korea that Kim Mo Bong, Bo Kim Hole and Ho Joe Doink died quietly in their sleep last night.... there last words
were the same, all denying that they knew each other. The nation is in mourning
and production of all ringer washing machines will be stopped for a 3 day
period (not because of the deaths, but because the powerful Japanese
Yawata Steel plant that supplies their bolts is on strike). This has
prompted the great leader to request a $9 octillion dollar free-no payback
loan so as to save the Korean ringer washing machine economy. Saddam
offers to send over some extra soviet made bolts and nuts he has in his
closet but the Korean Maytag ringer unit spokesman Kim Kung-fu Longdong
refuses the offer stating..we want to go on strike and sit around like a
bunch of worthless Chicago street bums/winos doing nothing but getting high day in and day out
- 9 Blimpy Sham-artist Doughboy convinces the Antwerp diamond cutters to buy him a dozen mixed bagels at the Abfahrt Dough Factory and Coffee Shop.
Sheister Slob tells the cutters he has a house he would like to sell to
them....it needs a little work but for skilled artisans, it would be a
cake walk to fix up...... the cutters pay the sharlitan $50,000 but they
actually got over of the fat fucker as it was counterfeit money
- 9 Ice Princess and Pman are worn out and decide to go out for some
grub. IP wants a steak but Pman wants fish. Neither stubborn ass wants to
compromise so the two get divorced. IP tells Pman I can give myself a
better finger job than you can with your prize package. Pman is humiliated
and flustered and goes over to the south side and pays to have a big
studda-bubba bulldyke beat the living shit out of him
- 9 Big Lumox Cro-magnon cries......I dont want to die... he
prays to Shiva....save me, please
- 9 Sambo Liquidlunch goes in for a check up. The doc tells him hes
right on course- headed straight for the maggot factory
- 9 Hardturd goes in for a visit to his doctor. Kilroy informs the
drunkard...you are well on your way to the grave
- 9 Poindexter J. Skinflint, MD informs Buckminster he is headed for his ultimate demise and will be dead shortly
- 9 These sites have illegally accessed the servers at cyber.blowjob and
had their screen shot...dab.iit.uni-miskolc.hu, kaura.abo.fi,
hazel.cms.dmu.ac.uk, ppp108.infoeddy.ne.jp, pc94.lrc1.uvsc.edu,
mailsrv2.kindercare.com, ym2-ppp52.yk.netlaputa.or.jp, aknapp.do.usbr.gov,
wildebeast.rmplc.co.uk, + default.ncsc.navy.mil
- 10 Goldie Locks reveals she is not a real blond and that she did the 3 bears at once
- 10 Mr. Sambos head fills up with liquid... his hydrocephalus is
fatal.....Sambo envisions hes on a magical/mystical transcedental journey to Alcoholia ....his new home
- 10 In Bonn the German Bundesbond Internet Weinersnitzel Foundation orders Freda back on German soil
- 10 In Prague a plague of dire consequence is reported. Wild turkeys
are roaming the city street shitting and pissing all over the sidewalks.
Old babushka wearing studda-bubbas and geiser drunkard bums are slipping and sliding in this and the city administration declares they will not pay the pending law suits
- 10 Truth is stranger than fiction.....volumes of turkey shit and piss
start flowing backwards in the Tigris + Euphrates. Saddam says....Ill get
those fucking Americans for this
- 10 A new craze sweeps through southern California- turkey shit
burritos washed down with turkey piss pilsner from Prague
- 11 The hospice nurse arrives at Sambos booze parlor only to find the
liverless buffoon stiffer than his wine bottles. Sambo is sent to the ER
where the doctors hook him up to an artificial liver/heart/lung/kidney
unit powered by fortified hops and potent French grapes..... the Moneybag
Aqualung perks up and asks for a quart of Thunderbird to tide him over
- 11 Drunkard Hardturd is summoned from the Ross Chinamans-Tse Tao Club as hes told his good buddy and long time booze confidant Sambo Stiffneck is near the end. Hakio takes a quart of vodka with him for good measure
- 11 Dr. Poindexter J. Skinflint, Dr. Quack, Dr. J.J. Undercyclothyme,
Dr. Schizobergerwicz and Dr. Hector Kilroy (who was eating a turkey shit burrito) all confirm Mr. Sambo/Rambo is as good as dead. Hes just responded to too many stimulus with the same responses and the 1:1
schedule of reinforcement emulated for 50 years has caught up with the the
boozeboy. Sambo dreams hes on a raft of moonshine with BF Skinner
- 11 CBS reports Walter Brennan was seen foaming at the mouth in Times
Square. The story goes that hes had his fill of Karla Fay Tucker and wants
Mae West next.... he told the reporter hes stiffer than anyone else
- 11 Dave sends the boys on their tugboat cruise to France a secret
analog pulse microwave message: beep, beep beep, beep, beep beep beep
The boys recieve the message but ignore it...its straight on to Normandy
- 12 Vicious rogue magpies head to Iraq by the billions, after eating
tons of unripened green olives south of Zaragoza. The lead magpie, RAF E.Coli Seacucumber IX advises his squadron, hold it all in until we get there
- 12 At the Gulbarga Krishna Beef Bordello Swami Arjuna Dhritarashtra IV eats a 40 lb extra rare steak. With blood oozing out of the corners of his
mouth he answers his cellular telegraph. Its Messiah Nanak Varhamana Abdul-Alibaba II who procedes to inform his highness that almost everyone in Saskatchewan and Quebec is dead! With blood now pouring out of his
nose Dhritarashtra IV signals Abdul-Alibaba II.......give those goons
Texas beef marinated in turkey shit...that will clean them out once and for all. Swami Arjuna cut the interaction short as the blood was drying up
- 12 Doughboy learns the cash he got from the diamond cutters is bogus.
Fatman vows to get those sheisters
- 12 The Pittsburgh Pierogie reports . He died peacefully with a big empty gallon of Mogen David next to his hospital bed
- 12 Reports out of Seoul indicate Kim Mo Bong, Bo Kim Hole and Ho Joe Doink are not dead, just napping. The 3 do however deny they ever knew each other. To prove they are not dead, they eat large bowls of kim chee and blow gas everywhere
- 13 Its friday the 13th and bombs away for the vicious rogue magpies.
RAF E.Coli Seacucumber IX personally drops a big green mess on the Royal
Palace #72. The people toss soviet made bolts and nuts at the vicious
rogues but have little success
- 13 Funeral arrangements are made for Sambo. His body will be crushed
up and he will be fermented into Chateau Rotgut Palermo
- 13 Al-Jumhuriya Bulletin: Stop All That Shit Rot in hell
facist magpie olive oil scum........
- 13 From the Hildesheim Slut-haven #6 Fuhrer Braunschweiger Helmut III
takes a break from the action and orders the Bundescop Beerbelly Patrol on
red-alert due to the attack on innocent people in the middle east....any
magpies seen over Bundesbordelloland
will be shot down immediately with anti-aircraft missles. Nearly out of breath, Fuhrer Braunschweiger turns up his pacemaker and heads back for a healthy workout
- 13 Hardturd, near death himself, cries at the funeral home between
hits on his burbon bottle. Pretty cooked, Hakio puts on his full headdress
and starts singing....how dry I am.... before Sambo rotting carcas is
crushed up, one by one Kim Mo Bong, Mayor Luzhkov, Honecker, Bo Kim Hole,
Shiva Veda, Ho Joe Doink, Husak, Ezzard Charles, Zhivkov + Krenz, Inez
Serrano, Estelle, Paul Drake, Joseph Garcin + the Valet, Shitpants
Buckminster, Rabbi Emanuel Berkovitz, Janet Reno, Judge Prepuse P. Foreskin, Rodney, Tilly the Toopster, Ally McBeal , Knish, Jim Brown, OSI stack Farouk, Ernie Terrell, Judge De Langle de Cary, Idi Amin, Helmuth von Moltke, Field-Marshal Kitchener, Heroinballs, Grommie, Wallace + Penguin, PLG, human vegetable Lilliput, Furhman, Jara, Schottenheimer, Jacques Scrotumballs, Lt. General Shizuo Yokoyama, Bruce Springsteen, Brodrick Crawford, Rotor Volgograd, Hydatid Cyst Clamidia Greenteeth Safety Valve-vulva, Spartak Moscow, Cribari Esophogaus, Lokomotiv Moscow, Domagk, Chernomorets Novorossiisk, Don King, Bush Sr. + Jr., Alania Vladikavkaz, the Charleston Sad-eyed Sisters, Fakel Voronezh, Tyumen, Baltika Kaliningrad, Cowboy Copas and Boxcar Willie, Zenin St Petersburg, Betty Boop, CSJKA Moscow, masturbating meatball gluesniffer Gruesome Caveman, Capers, Rodney King, Deion, Eliot Ness, Moses, Alfred Hitchcock, Queen Vashti, Vice-Rear Admiral Dalrymple-Hamilton, King Xerxes, Eva Gabor, Bruce Hornsby+ the Range, Koop, Alvar Nunez Cabeza de Vaca , dead Moms Mabley, Frauline Fellatio Freda with Baluga H Cornhole, Dynamo Moscow, Kevorkian, Kathleen (Kitty) Godfree, Elbys Bigboy, SJMFs, Kaneko,
Walesa, Razor + Diesel, Art Modell, Chan Gailey, Henri Paul, Yamaguchi, Qball Baluga Lumox, Ljunggren,
Malcom, Hannover Scorpions, the Evil fools from the Bad side of the Moon,
Lassie, Senorita Stimclit, Levon and Jesus, representatives of the SF Examiner, Morgenpost, Toronto Daily Dumpster, Die Zeit, Birmingham Steelhot Ramer and the Seoul Thief pay their last respects to the dead drunkard......... after Hardturd finally stops his convoluted psychotic tangent, Sambo is taken out to the parking lot and crushed with a steam roller. Everyone agreed it was a touching and fitting ceremony for the lush distillery
- 13 After the funeral the paparazzi captured pictures of Moms Mabley and Walter Brennan having sex in Sambos coffin. This apparently lasted for over 2 hours straight....what a man......what a woman!
- 14 Chief Hakio Hardturd and his newfound boozebuddys get saused up at Korsakoffs Psychosis Lounge. Hardturd hits the floor after more than 6 quarts of rum. When his drunkard friends at the bar finally realize hes not there and look down and see him on the floor, its too late. Hardturd is deader than his boozebrother. Igor Korsakoff pushed Hardturds big drunken stiff carcas down into the basement where he ground it up into hamburger patties that he fed to the boozed up members of the Federated Unionized International Brotherhood of CaveBeings. The drunkards
shout.....ugh-ugh...yum yum..more..more..burp-burp.......hiccup
- 14 The following ports sent monitary contributions to buy wine bottles
for Chateau Rotgut Palermo : pmwind1-59.rconnect.com,
148.61.105.11, 208.146.24.93, 205.242.228.7 , 168.216.46.136,
usr-boi-112.rmci.net, 204.209.58.60, i9stud1.iprod.auc.dk,
ww-ti02.proxy.aol.com, corn16.nitco.com, 164.165.250.36, 204.82.110.19,
proxy.chicago.avenew.com, ts80ip11.cadvision.com, lib.oru.edu,
webgate3.mot.com, danville-35.searnet.com,
proxy.silcom.com, + pai.ing.ula.ve
- 14 Marshal Konstantin K. Rokossovsky, Leptospira Icterohemorrhagica
and Styvestant E. Blosthiggins III warn- were almost out of bolts......
start rationing bolts now or youll be sorry tomorrow
- 14 Taking exception to this contrived bolt shortage Grigory Efimovich
Rasputin tells the Czar.....we got more bolts than Dave has toilet plunger handles! I challenge you 3 goons to prove there is a bolt shortage. The Iron Rust Curtain Telegraph Network reported that shortly after his
statement Grigory Efimovich Rasputin was found dead in the Moscow subway
with 39 bullet holes through his brain. The savage subway peasants tore
him to shreads and ate all the evidence of the murder before the Iron Fisted Gestapo Subway cops arrived on the scene
- 14 Queerboats and he forced Heroinballs into the basement where he and 11 other Queerboats attacked and mutilated the drug addict. The Queerboat lawyer is a close associate of the DA and arranged to have Heroinballs put in jail with a bunch of death-row die-hards for his final days in this earthly domain
- 15 Swami Arjuna Dhritarashtra IV treated his good friend
Shaman Voo-doo E. Ignoramus to a big side of bramah bull at the
Ahmadabad House of Kosher Beef . As the two cannibals sunk their
teeth into this nearly raw bull, the Swami is again interupted. Well, you
understand, its the Messiah Nanak....more stories of gloom and doom in
Canada. Nanak tells bull lips virtually EVERYONE in Quebec is dead and only 2 are left in Saskatchewan. Clearly pissed at these constant
interuptions to his meals Arjuna Dhritarashtra IV tells Nanak...... get a
bunch of magpies and feed them unripe green olives... let the people eat
the droppings and they will be healthy again. The Swami and the Shaman
gorge themselves eating everything but the bones and being near the
satiation point, Arjuna tosses his cellular telegraph in the trash bin
along with the bones and cartlidge
- 15 In the Gulf of Aqaba Vice-Rear Admiral Dalrymple-Hamilton orders
his long range cannons pointed eastward
- 15 At a ceremony in the Godavari River Shaman Mahavira-juni Lao-Tze Garu-Guru announces....those beef eaters will have to answer to Shiva. They will learn veda!
- 15 NBC reports Goldie Locks is not a real blond, that she had
illegitimate endeavors with 3 bears at once but did not have sexual
relations with any of them, and that she has recently learned that her
alter-ego is Frauline Fellatio Freda. Die Welt reported that Fuhrer
Braunschweiger was fit to be tied upon receiving word of this revelation
- 15 Farouk, newly hired by the Palo Alto cyber nerds brings down the entire internet with a bit sync/error alarm converted bit-serial parallel to asynchronous transfer of PSDN...the lumox panicked and invoked implicit retransmission of Idle RQ with ACK upon time-out NAK P transmission with default set to pulse microwave UWE/LWE K3 sequence dodecahedron-duplex which in turn wiped out billions of home pages. The cyber-porno industry was really pissed, losing over $500 million alone. Farouk was fired on the spot and the cobweb boys tied his ass up with duct tape and tossed him
in the Hetchy Aqueduct for the alligators to eat
- 15 The CBC reports the Charlevoix crater, Canada is gone! No one
cares that everyone in two provinces is dead but the Charlevoix crater,
well, thats a different story
- 15 The following had their faces squirted as they viewed porno sites
when the internet crashed...... www.r-soft.mgx.hu,
gamma.telstra.net.au, station18.footeschool.org, spfwall.ssp.navy.mil,
131.121.202.81, ns.ibo.ch, kaura.abo.fi, ppp4-188.lvsb.vsnl.net.in +
fsd-public.worldbank.org
- 16 Ice Princess screen froze up when the internet crashed- she was
viewing a mad bull from Brighton giving it to Dolly so hard that the screen was shaking. IP said those sheep are lucky
- 16 The Melbourne Demons take up sheep farming and the Frankfurt Lions
eat imported raw Angus beef from Texas
- 16 The Gang of 4 crabs head into the Yangtze valley looking for green
olive seeds dumped by domestic magpies....the Gang says its good for your
brain and when added to stir-fry ramen noodles drives young babes sex
crazy....they can come 80 to 100 times in one night after sloping down
this magic potion. If dont believe it just ask
the shaking bimbos in the Guangdong Province..... they are so sore they cant walk!
- 16 Bolder cops report Walter Brennan was seen coming up out of
JonBenets grave. He was foaming at the mouth but had a big smile on his face
- 16 Earn a solid $5.15 an hour- 412-367-6053. Get a free delivery by
calling 800-788-8080
- 16 Hearing through the spirit grapevine of Walter Brennans escapades
Jersey Joe Walcott comes up looking for some action
- 17 Buckminster Shitpants Brownbagger lets out a foot long green turd. The lumox figures this is the end
- 17 Hashed up cyber-nerds turn their antiquated WebTV screens to the
world famous calendars. One hash head, who was not 100% wrecked, learns that this is the last calendar and tells his fried punk friends as much. The goons say....hey man, what is this shit anyway? What are all these words about anyway man? Who are you and who am I anyway?
- 17 Pman, pissed that he aint getting any from Ice Princess (or anyone else, for that matter) sits in his dump and turns on his old Radio Shack turntable. Pman enjoys Dexys Midnight Runners and Perry Como. Someone knocks at the door and Pman turns off all music, lights and hides in silence. The knocking continues so Pman sneaks to the window and peeps out to see who is there...he finds its Gastrointestinal Nightmare Shitpants.
He tells the big gorilla hes busy but the human-monstrosity wont take no
for an answer. Pman realizes something is wrong with this asshole and lets
him in, even though he reaks of shit vapors. Buckminster Shitfest proceeds
to lay it all on the Pman...... telling him of his fate and that the doc
said hed soon be dead. Porcupine Pman begins to realize that there is something going on here......everyone is dying! Pman thinks maybe Im next . Porcupine rushes the stinking KAK out of his abode and sends a
telepathic message to Nebuchadnezzar.....not me
- 17 Those odd-balls in California get word of the power of green olive
seeds/stir-fry ramen noodles and start scarfing up the shit like there is no tomorrow. Guys and girls, fags and lesbos start eating and shacking up....the whole state starts rocking from the sexual activity and this generates the first human-induced earthquake which invokes a massive tidal wave over 80 foot tall that is headed straight for Japan and Australia
- 17 Ugly Doughboy and his even uglier Wig Head Bitch wife eat green pork for breakfast in honor of their idol St. Patrick
- 18 Baluga H Cornhole stirs up the union-boys telling them there is something going on. The Gods are out to get them- look at all the people dying left and right! The stooge-buffoons get all agitated and threaten to go to Washington DC for a mass-murder.... if you think the Skinheads are vicious....wait until we put on our magpie suits- we will kill everyone
- 18 World media gets word of the shenanigans in California and the
Cornhole Conspiracy/Magpie murderers. In Bonn- Fuhrer Braunschweiger Helmut III orders the people to remain calm. In Canada, the Dribblers are quarantined. In France the rail roads are shut down and in Russia the boozehounds drink lots of vodka and read Voyenno-Istoricheskii Zhurnal
- 18 The GREAT LEADER Kim Il Sung-mo says- keep it all in. Pent-up is
good! Hold it in until your blood pressure gets so elevated that your
heart ruptures.....eat salt by the bucket! We can control the population
easily if many of you die this way!
- 18 In an exclusive, the London Midnight-Post/Mirror reports: Saddam is
forcing his personal servants to eat ramen noodles with green olive
seeds....this monster must be held up to international standards of
justice. The Chinese agree to cut off shipments of ramen noodles to the middle east...hell have to use the seeds alone
- 18 The Antwerp diamond cutters declare- enough is enough! We are going to Darmstadt where Freda and her friends are having an all-you-can-eat-sausage free for all. We aint cutting no more damn stones
- 19 Well, by now you can probably guess whats next... yes, Swami
Arjuna Dhritarashtra IV is slopping up a big bloody microwaved bull
in the Rewa Dung-hole Bar and Grill and, you know who is calling- Messiah
Nanak Varhamana Abdul-Alibaba II about the same old shit in Canada. With
blood pouring out of his nose, ears and eyes the Swami tells the Messiah
to give the people stir-fry ramen noodles with green olive seeds and they
will fuck each others brains out and he hangs up so he can finish his delicious meal
- 19 King Farouk is found dead in the DIGITAL COAST . Wilson
orders the cops- get that asshole out of here
- 19 Pent-up stooges in Seoul are dying left and right of massive heart attacks. In Singapore, not one individual died of a heart attack however. The major declares- we eat healthy....just plenty of ramen noodles and olive seeds
- 19 Bulletin: Billions of magpies are headed for Australia. The South Pacific Civil Aircommand is put on high alert
- 19 The massive Pacific tidal wave is headed straight for the land down
under- everyone from Cape York to and including Brisbane is evacuated
inland (which is where those pesky magpies are apparently headed). Plenty
of 18 wheelers of Fosters is shipped to the Northern Territory and northern South Australia
- 20 Very much aware of his coming demise, Buckminster Brownpants decides to give himself one last fling. The behemoth gets out his 15 inch super charged electric vibrator and reams himself out all night long ......you have been previously warned that this MFer IS NUTS!
- 20 Heroinballs, on an excursion to the South Pacific, hits
Chlordiazepoxide and Librium by the bottle. At a stopover in Cirebon the
dope head picks up some psilocybin, amidone, nembutal and crack coke to
tide him over until he arrives in Brisbane
- 20 Lt. General Shizuo Yokoyama orders all the military manuevers
curtailed in the south Pacific. He tells the troops well drop our bombs
over land, up in Canada, where everyone is dead, anyway
- 20 Millions swarm inland for a big festival of Fosters, green olive
seeds and stir fry ramen noodles
- 20 The belugas at the Wexford Funky Hunky Club hold a friday night
Death in Australia booze blowout...free booze for all comers to
celebrate the upcoming wipe-out of the wasteland. The drunkards get
plastered as they listen to Men at Work and INXS on their rickety old
Radio Shack turntable. Ice Princess walks in and the boozehounds tone it down and start salivating. IP gets a six pack of Fosters and leaves and
after that the boys start bragging about their glory days when they were
teenagers- pounding young virgin babes until they could not walk. Everyone
has a better story than everyone else. One by one, these shitheads hit the floor, stoned
- 21 A massive earthquake rocks the Simpson Desert. The government
believes it was human-induced. The tidal wave blasts everything wrecking
the entire north eastern section of Australia while vicious magpies dump
tons of olive colored shit all over the boozed up humpers in the desert
- 21 PLG, very pissed at her lack of attention in this calendar, resigns
and consults a lawyer. She tells counsel that this bastard has abused my
good name and defamed me! This unnamed lawyer, who just happens to be a
good friend of the DA, informs the writer that he will have to continue
writing these calendars for another 5 years, and that PLG must be the star of every single episode, or the writer will be sentenced to 10 years of hard labor in the Simpson Desert. Judge Prepuse P. Foreskin concurs and the legal hound-dogs put this all in the Journal of Pennsylvania Bar-hoppers
- 21 Walter Brennan is seen in the Simpson Desert humping and pumping
Merle Oberon...he was foaming at the mouth so much she was covered in his
saliva. By the time the whole affair was over, Brennans back was a solid
sheet of green magpie droppings
- 21 The Unionized Central Brothers of the American National Union
Society (ANUS) strikes....were not going to work in no fucking DIGITAL COAST!
- 21 The Diamond Cutters stuff themself on sausage and knockworst in Darmstadt....we want more....more...more! Yum, Yum!
- 21 After eating to the satiation point, the stooge Antwerp gang go
into the back room for a hot encounter with Freda and her friends but the
babes pull a John Bobbit on these big idiots...... its raw doink salad now
- 22 In the Vatican a special decree is issued...Italian girls cannot
eat stir fry ramen noodles and green olives at the same time. The young
italian babes flock up into Switzerland where they can eat anything they
so please. A super B1 bomber full of chinese ramen noodles landed at the
Zurich Interstate PlanePost hours before the boppers began their northward
excursion so there will be a good time in Switzerland tonight. (The
teenage babes stocked up on sheep skins before they left their homeland)
- 22 A massive earthquake rocks the Swiss Alps. Scientist believe in was human-induced
- 22 Quietly, in his sleep, Buckminster Brownbag Shitpants passed away at his home. His wife told KDKA that his last breath was a big sulfur bomb emitted as his sphincter colapsed. The odor was so bad she had to open the
windows to let out the stench. Mrs. Shitpants told the KDKA reporter that
the big beluga would be ground up for fertilizer for her potato garden but
that at the moment she needed to get the insurance paperwork filled out so
she could collect now that this nuisance was out of her life
- 22 In the desert, doped up on every drug imaginable, Heroinballs is told of the death of his best friend Buckminster Shitpants. HB cries until all the dope toxins are out of his system and he quicky engulfs another batch that would eliminate an entire brigade
- 22 The Queerboat dudes, on their tugboat in mid-Atlantic, call Dave
and the Lost Boys.....where did you hide those plunger handles?
- 22 The Queerboat Ranch members vote unanimously to change the name of their domain to the
- 23 Dr. Poindexter J. Skinflint informs Mr. Pman that he is not very
well off...as a matter of fact hes dying of- hepatic calcification,
hemochromatosis, thorotrast, hydatid cysts, gumma based on tertiary
syphilis,cirrhosis, portal vein occlusion with bile ascites, urine
ascites, myxedema, Wegeners Granulomatosis, head/neck squamous cell
tumors, coccidiomycosis, primary brain tumor, acute lymph. leukemia (ALL),
metastatic brain tumor w/ menigeal lymphomatosis and approximately
29 other fatal/terminal conditions. Pman cries and cries and cries and
cries. Skinflint informs the sad-sack sap he will be dead in a few days.
The Porcupine heads over the south side and pays Studda-Bubba bulldyke
Gertrude $100 to beat
the shit out of him. Battered and bruised Pman lays in the gutter, the wretched mass of sorrow no one on this earth has known before
- 23 The cold queen Ice Princess hears that Pman was found beaten to a pulp in a SS gutter and rushes to the hospital. IP toggles Pman mux for old times sake and soon thereafter, he passed away, quietly in his
hospital bed. His body was ground up and mixed with Carolina cigarette
tobacco to be shipped to the holy land
- 23 Sheister Doughboy meets with Frauline Fellatio Freda and she tells him she would not have relations with him if he was the last person on Earth! Doughboy offers to pay her $1,000 cash for some manual stimulation
but she rejects this. Instead, she gets the back room bar brusiers to work
his flabby ass over and they beat the shit out of the human sea cucumber
and toss his ugly carcas out in the sewer where he belongs
- 23 From Ottawa, Messiah Nanak Varhamana Abdul-Alibaba II and Shaman
Mahavira-juni Lao-Tze Garu-Guru confirm- everyone is now dead in Canada.
The Messiah sends a carrier-magpie over to India for Swami Arjuna
Dhritarashtra IV with the bad news. Arjuna was eating a half ton of
blanched bloody British beef at the Bangalore Epilepsy Sacred-Cow Ranch
and Showroom when the magpie dropped its message. Swami Arjuna
Dhritarashtra IV was so upset he couldnt finish eating and he started
crying tears of blood the size of hoofs
- 24 The backroom boys at the Tower of Babel agree- it looks like this really is the last one. What will we do for an encore?
- 24 Emus who have been eating magpie droppings for days now start shitting green olive seeds..... these hybrid shit plants are proliferating
throughout the Simpson Desert and the young babes present have learned
that these plants are a super-aphrodisiac that drives people crazy. As a
result, there is so much humping going on that the whole nation is now
wobbly which inturn is causing massive tidal waves all over the southern
hemisphere. NOAA has warned that the entire biosphere is threatened by
this man made non-sence. Consequently, all of the ball-busting desert
nympho Australian babes must cease this activity immediately or they will
be shipped to the Bundesbordello Red Light District for a lot of animal humping. The desert babes agree- no more emus shit plants!
- 24 NASA stuns the world. A giant meteor, larger than the moon, is rushing toward and inevitable collision with planet Earth. The meteor,
named is streaking along faster than the
speed of light and will crash into the Earth in a few days. The NASA spokesman, who was seen smoking a pipe full of fortified hash, informed
the esteemed Houston news media that there is NO WAY OUT.........
- 24 Dave calls the Queerboat/Tugboat boys out in the Atlantic......come back- its all over now
- 24 Stockmarkets world wide drop faster than Sambo/Rambo would after a carboy of home made rotgut wine
- 24 Rabbi Emanuel Berkovitz advises his followers to stay calm. In Cleveland for a free-bagel convention Sheister Doughboy grandstands, as usual- Ill save the world- Im the true salvation! Believe in me- pass the bagels, again
- 25 On manuevers in the Great Victoria Desert Field-Marshal
Kitchener orders the troops to retreat. He tells the guys and girls
of the 77th Icosidodecahedron Brigade that its time for R + R. In the
meantime, Commander Isotoner Romanovich orders the 19th Warmonger
Stormtroopers on full-war alert in southern Siberia. He tells his 400 lb
studda-bubba babushka wearing bulldykes- onward
- 25 People across the globe are full of fear. NASA reports the Oort
Cloud has re-appeared. Was it a phantom? Was it there in the
beginning? Is this a remant/reincarnation of Gastrointestinal Nightmare
Kak Paskahousu Brownpants? Does anyone know the truth? Is there any
truth? Will there be enough ramen noodles and green olives left to
last to the bitter end?!
- 25 Insurection and discord is reported amongst the fools of the
leaderless Federal Brotherhood of Stooge-Lumox Belugas.... what shall we
do? The Belugas start fighting and rip each other apart in a fashion that
would make the Denver Skinheads envious. Seeing the caous with the
Belugas, and not to be outdone the Federated Unionized International
Brotherhood of CaveBeings begin an all-out civil war, clubing each other
into oblivion and the the United Brotherhood of Proletariat Manual Workmen
start killing their brothers while the Unionized Central Brothers of the
American National Union Society (ANUS) have a communal-mass suicide that
makes Heavens Gate look like a flash in the pan. It seems that everyone is
hysterical, worrying that is the end
- 25 In Singapore Marshal Konstantin K. Rokossovsky orders the
warmongers to move north but Vice-Rear Admiral Dalrymple-Hamilton orders
the autonomatons to move south. In the holy land Shem declares seek
salvation in the moon as Nebuchadnezzar tells everyone all salvation lies
in the sun. Shinichiro Kaneko wonders- what the hell am I supposed to
believe... the entire fabric of our culture and society has disintigrated.
Sheister/shamartist Doughboy panics- smokes 88 straight cigs
- 25 PLG dreams she is Brodrick Crawford ..... something to do with the highway patrol, a foaming full moon and torrential rains in Southern California
- 26 The Italian babes decide its too cold in the Swiss Alps and head
back to their homeland while flocks of magpies are seen circling around
Gaza, Port Said, and throughout Greece
- 26 Sheister Doughboy has a massive heart attack and is rushed, by mistake, the the Milan Cancer Institute, where he died a silent/painful
(and fitting) death. His humongous carcas was ground up and sent to
Switzerland as lubricant for skis
- 26 The JPL moguls inform the respected and trusted California news
media that Walter is really starting to foam
- 26 An outbreak of cyber-salivation rabies is reported with the
following IPs being the first documented...all ports were killed with a
bullet through ethernet.....regnsk01d05190133.sk.sympatico.ca,
marion14.midwest.net, modem022.saqnet.co.uk, johnc-pc.clam.com and
dialup91.gent.skynet.be
- 26 A mass-suicide is reported by the Barcelona Spanish-Fly. The
following were found dead in the Plaza de Cataluna: Kim Mo Bong, Mayor Wilson, Honecker, Bo Kim Hole, Veda Shiva, Ho Joe Doink, Husak, Max Baer, Zhivkov + Krenz, Inez Serrano, Estelle, Paul Drake, Joseph Garcin + the Valet, Gustave-Paul Cluseret, Rabbi Emanuel Berkovitz, Pat Benitar, Judge Prepuse P. Foreskin, Rodney, Tilly the Toopster, Ally McBeal, Knish, Jimmy Ellis, OSI stack Farouk, Ernie Terrell, Judge De Langle de Cary, Idi Amin, Helmuth von Moltke, Field-Marshal Kitchener, Heroinballs, Grommie, Wallace + Penguin, Lipinski, human vegetable Lilliput, Furhman, Jara, Charlie Watts, Pedro Scrotumballs, Lt. General Shizuo Yokoyama, Bruce Hornsby, Brodrick Crawford, Rotor Volgograd, Hydatid Cyst Clamidia Greenteeth Safety Valve-vulva, Spartak Moscow, Cribari Esophogaus, Lokomotiv Moscow, Domagk, Chernomorets Novorossiisk, Don King,
Bush Sr. + Jr., Alania Vladikavkaz, the Charleston Sad-eyed Sisters, Fakel Voronezh, Tiri Te Kanawa, Baltika Kaliningrad, Cowboy Copas and Boxcar Willie, Zenin St Petersburg, Betty Boop, CSJKA Moscow, masturbating
meatball gluesniffer Gruesome Caveman, Capers, Rodney King, Deion, Eliot Ness, Moses, Alfred E. Neuman, Queen Vashti, Vice-Rear Admiral
Dalrymple-Hamilton, King Xerxes, Eva Gabor, Vernon Dent, Koop, Alvar Nunez
Cabeza de Vaca , dead Moms Mabley, Frauline Fellatio Freda with
Baluga H Cornhole, Dynamo Moscow, Kevorkian, Kathleen (Kitty) Godfree, Elbys Bigboy, SJMFs, Kaneko, Walesa, Razor + Diesel, Art Modell, Chan
Gailey, Henri Paul, Dave + the (very) Lost Boys, Yamaguchi, Qball Baluga
Lumox, Ljunggren, Malcom, Countess Caterina Sforza , Hannover Scorpions,
the happy fools from the good side of the Moon, Rex and Lassie, Senorita Stimclit, Levon and Jesus, representatives of the NY Hard-Rub, Morgenpost,
Toronto Daily Dumpster, Die Welt, Birmingham Limpdicks and the Mexican Standoff/Burrito Fart . All of the deceased were ground up and made into pigeon feed for the old park bums/geisers to utilize
- 27 As it looks like its the end, the drunkards at Pedros Pool Hall have one last grand finale.... what will we do now that we cant be battered around in these calendars? Will the Earth really come to an end? Some of the dinosaurs survived- thats where we came from, anyway. Im glad I never paid any of my bills now. Pass the polish sausage
- 27 El Nino goes loco. Earthquakes are reported across the
planet......millions are killed in seconds. The middle east sinks below sea level
- 27 Sea levels rise and coastal area are covered in miles of water.
Caveanimals take over the highlands. The capital is moved to Denver where
the Skinhead/shitheads rule the world
- 27 The Caveanimals take to rafts they built out of bales of hash they move up into the Rockys
- 27 Floating around the globe aimlessly, these caveanimals play Come On
Eileen over and over on their battery powered 45 rpm Radio Shack
turntable, praying to Dexys Midnight Runners for salvation
- 28 These final days are a very bleak scenario...whatever you might
imagine, gloom and doom wise, is the way it is
- 28 Everything on the planet is covered in water with one
exception...... is totally dry. The
caveanimals heard somehow there is an oasis there, with lots of olives and
babes that want to hump all day and night long
- 28 The animals sing Come On Eileen over and over as they steer their hashraft southward
- 28 Overhead, the cromagnons observe what they believe to be a sign
from heaven. Thousands of magpies. The raft goons raise their hands in salvation as the vicious magpies drop tons of green droppings in their eyes, mouths, faces, etc.
- 29 At night, the raft goons are more fragile/vulnerable....they are
fearful and nervous. Their machismo and bravado is as limp as there shriveled up doinks
- 29 Violent storms blow the raft goons further south as they stay smoked up and sing come on Eileen
- 29 Magpies bomb the hell out of these floating shit covered caveanimals
- 30 Finally, one of the caveanimals believes he sees land....it must be
the promised land, in what used to be the land down under......Gosses Bluff
- 30 These beast get all excited with antisipation...Oh boy, dry land,
plenty of wild young babes to pulvarize, and lots of olives to eat.........COME ON EILEEN!
- 31 The raft goons dock at the sacred ground......Ugh, Ugh! They
immediately begin their quest to conquer this exotic paradise and they
find plenty of olives that they gorge themselves on. With their big belly
hoppers full and ready to bust open the cave voyagers feel a strong urge for sex....lets hump some young virgin babes.....we know theyre here, cause we heard so, UGH UGH
- 31 Soon afterward, the weary travelers meet that which they were
seeking..... a gang of 400 lb babushka wearing female bulls attacks the goons, tearing them limb from limb and eating them raw...so much for your fucking paradise
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