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Dan Sroka March 1997 Calendar
- 1 OJ informs Fuhrman that he raped and killed Jonbene. Janet Reno
sends her best men to investigate the matter
- 1 Police report that a mastodon-like creature was sighted in the 2200
Block of Constitution Blvd, Boston PA. Police have been ordered to shoot
and kill the ugly behemoth on sight
- 1 Fearing that Wall Street will fall below the 2000 mark Moneyman
Sambo takes all his cash out of his IRAs, 401bs etc. and stashes it away
in Cleveland Trust Bond Portfolio CDs paying a guaranteed .07% annually
- 1 Ice Princess sends email to doinkless Smokin Joe revealing that she is the product of a virgin birth
- 1 SamboRambo works his weekend job as a urinal scrubber at Wilmerding HS- after a hard days work in the bowl Sambo and Hardturd hit many bottles at the Whitaker Owls Club....at 3 am, pulvarized and unconscious- the alkys1 WWF chief Vince offers to pay Diesel $3.3 million and Razor $2.7
million if they leave the WCW
- 2 Beluga Gastrointestinal Hbomb Buckminster orders a big load of shit paper at 800-548-7337
- 2 Fuhrman informs the Chicago Tribune that he found Nicoles severed
head mounted over OJs bed the night of the murders
- 2 sobered up Hardturd calls 800-952-8720, 800-322-1468, 800-782-4062,
800-592-3339, and 800-252-4472
- 2 Practicing his German- Pman talks into the mirror: du verdammter
arschficker..mach es dir selber scheiBkopf
- 2 Wecht reports to ABC news that he has definitive proof that Dahmer
was not a murderer- that OJ did it all!
- 2 Reno calls in Elliot Ness, Inspector Henderson and Paul
(cigarette) Drake to investigate the allegations on Dahmer
- 3 Campus Police get a call that a mastodon-like creature was seen in
WPIC. The Belugas get jealous of the publicity and protest
- 3 Pilgrims (on their way to Alpha Centauri) send a message to Houston:
Ugh, uGh, UGh-uGH.....(ugh..UGH) UGH UGH!
- 3 Traveling woman PLG sends in her advance reservation request to the
Hector Vorado Hotel to beat the rush
- 3 Twiddling his thumbs and snapping his heels, Rubberneck Sambo asks
Hardturd if he can go out into the field? Hardturd says NO!
- 3 Wall Street has the biggest downturn in contemporary history- stocks
drop like Ice Princess' panties!
- 3 BigBuck Stiffneck panics- rushes to the bank to cash all his .07
CDs. Sambo takes his $2,350 in cash
- 4 Heroinballs wakes up after a week long coma- calls off work for
another week- swallows 30 fentanal patches and hits the floor
- 4 Tampa Bay 11- Islanders 0, Edmonton pounds LA 1-0, Lydney 2- Havant
2, Currie 4- Jed-Forest 1
- 4 Lilliput and PLG plan a mutual excursion...where to go??
800-225-8747, 800-847-4882, 800-265-6723, 800-657-3700
- 4 Pissbucket heaven:
http://www.erc.msstate.edu/~gatlin/cone/node1.html#SECTION00010000000000000000
- 4 Hungry behemoth gruesome Beluga Walleye buys the John Morrell meat
plant for tonights dinner
- 4 Jobs: secretary- call 714-757-4600. Earn $60,000 at 314-227-9994,
- 5 Stockmarket goes crazy- higher than Heroinballs on any given day-
DOW at 8800....MamboSambo sweats like a bull!
- 5 Pman, desperate and lonely, heads over to IPs freezer for a bone chilling episode
- 5 OJ calls Jack Kevorkian. OJ calls the Cremation Society. OJ calls
the John Morrell meat plant. OJ cracks out......
- 5 Hakio tells the boys that they now must work for a living! The
Belugas go on strike. A.N.U.S. pickets.
- 5 MachoNerd Stiffneck Sambo calls his broker.. puts his $2,350 in
Chinese Haku Hash stocks- grows to $3,000 by days end
- 5 Hornsby leaves the Range. Alanis leaves the pills. Henley leaves the Innocence. Wilson Pickett leaves Memphis
- 5 See Ice Princess favorite web site-----
http://www.next.com.au/spyfood/index.html
- 6 Lottery bulletin- play 520 (Ohio), 714 (Calif), 666 (Georgia), 217
(Mass), 505 (NY), 119 (Mich) or 371 (Wisc)
- 6 Tagliabue says the NFL will now re-align, effective this fall.
Baltimore will move to Cleveland, the Bengals will move to the Astrodome
and become the Houston Rockets, Oilers move to Memphis (for now), St.
Louis will move to LA to become the East LA Vikings, Tampa Bay will move
to Jacksonville, Jacksonville will move to Canton (bulldogs), Redskins
will move to Edmonton and be named the Whiteskins, Dallas will be placed
in the AFC Pacific coast division, Minn. will move to Chicago (which will
have 2 teams) and last, but not least, the KC Chiefs will be moved to
Birmingham and be renamed the Hotshots
- 6 Dan Rather reports a mass murder of 75 in Owensboro, KY--OJ NOT involved
- 6 Claim your social security benefits now : 800-772-1213..Get
Medicare NOW---800-813-8868
- 6 Police investigate a report of a live Elbys BigBoy seen in
Boston, PA....a trail of brown sludge is the only evidence
- 7 Sambo Stiffneck calls the Batesville Casket Company for a special cardboard version
- 7 High rider King Farouk calls to buy a saddle at 814-267-4108...Sambo
calls to buy a bar--412-531-8052
- 7 Internet shitbuckets attention: http://meer.net/~jwiggins/bondo.html
- 7 IP buys a new freezer (814-782-3785)....Sambo buys a home for
pennies (800-218-9000 ext H-113)
- 7 Slobish Sheister Doughboy tells the DA he WAS NOT in Boston
yesterday! Constables given a warrant to pick up buffoon gorilla Walleye
- 7 Annie Lennox tells George Michael- No more I love yous. SAA tells
DS- changes are shifting outside the world.....
- 8 Kevin cuts 30 from the Pirates roster... budget down to $30,709...
Willie calls it quits and heads back to Atlanta
- 8 only
to realize how much dope he has missed since he passed out
- 8 A massive earthquake rocks Wichita Falls- 203 dead and 69 trillion
dollars damage. Clinton vows to rebuild everything
- 8 In a shocker, Freddie Blassee wins the WWF title by pinning Cold
Utgard. Hitman, thoroughly pissed, quits and goes to Calgary
- 8 Zyuganov declares he is the Czar of Russia- puts tanked up Yeltsin
in Lenins tomb. Sambo Moneybags looks for formaldehyde on sale
- 8 After eating 2 bags of raisin cookies PLG has a nightmare: She
is on a mountain in some unknown land. She meets Teiresias and the Pope and Teiresias tells her to go left but the Pope tells her to go to the
right. Hard headed PLG ignores them both and goes straight ahead. As she
travels down the chosen path she runs into a man carrying two heads, one in each hand. Coming closer to the man, PLG starts sweating. She suddenly
realizes she is in southern Calif! She wakes up startled and stunned
Vows no more raisin cookies
- 9 Chef Qball Beluga Lumox cooks up a special sunday meal- a super human gorilla pizza menu he obtained from:
http://www.ionet.net/~twilken/copy/ffood.html
- 9 Get a job in Camden NJ- fax your resume to 609-342-3721..try
Atlanta..770-353-5152, get hired on the spot at 800-564-0589
- 9 SJMFs finally realize no one will buy their dump... sham artists
consult their sheister quasi-lawyer brother-in-law on what to do
- 9 SamtheSham takes a break from the bottle and heads to the public
library where he reads The Prince backwards
- 9 Shinichiro Kaneko warns the public that Satan is everywhere! In a
symbolic ritual to express his point he has himself hung, horsewhipped,
mutilated and dunked in a vat of boiling acid in Times Square
- 9 Rankin cops get several reports that a gigantic ugly mastodon
creature (human?) has been seen....public very nervous
- 10 Gov. Ridge orders state police to catch this ugly behemoth and lock
it up in the zoo....Heroinballs calls Hakio to tell him he saw a 2 headed
corpse walking through the graveyard..HB, in very severe DTs, goes to the
local detox center but is turned away
- 10 Massive thunderstorms bomb Texas- George Bush, swimming in the Rio
Grande- is washed 50 miles downstream to Quemado
- 10 Uneducated mizer Sambo sells his Chinese Haku Hash stocks and reaps a healthy profit-buys 4 graves for $3200 at 412-461-3353
- 10 Guingamp wrecks AS Monaco, RKC Waalwjk castrates Sparta Rotterdam, Bath dumps West Hartlepool
- 10 Chief Hakio calls 800-262-4929 but gets nowwhere! Then tries 800-245-7366
- 11 Goon beluga Bigboy Brownpants orders a 50,000 volt DC solid steel dildo to give himself a real charge with
- 11 Having stayed drug-free for a record 7 straight hours- Heroinballs
celebrates by taking 1 oz of morphine, 21 Libriums, 30 Valiums, 17
Percodans, 40 Seconals, a vial of pure cocaine, 88 hits of crack, 14
Chloral Hydrates and 6 pods of Opium. After that the dopehead smokes 16
crack-laced joints and a 3 foot long wet dank cigar (to relax)
- 11 Record heatwave melts much of the nation--100 at Terre Haute, 101
in Cedar Rapids, Louisville 99 and 107 in Billings
- 11 NASA announces that the Pilgrims are one/one millionth of the way to their destination after being in space for 7.5 years now
- 11 View: http://www.vivi.com/eko/cgi-bin/query.tcl?+team=Elmer+Fatso&+command=eko_career&+competition=eko
- 12 Bruce says he wants to go into your tunnel of love and feel a
little of that human touch
- 12 Bigboy Newt has a party. Dole is snubbed. Barry wrecks the affair
with a molotov cocktail- arrested and jailed
- 12 Constipation King Cloggums Walleye gives his new dildo a hard
workout (on himself)--feces everywhere!
- 12 Buster Mathis Jr. says he will pound Foreman silly. Foreman signs
to fight Joe Frazier in a one round geriatric title fight
- 12 Heavy Metal Pat Boone gives a concert in Toronto to benefit Liz
Taylors brain surgery- over $1 million brought in
- 12 High on his own flatulance gas- Buckminster Shitpants dreams that
he is Percival Lowell reincarnated
- 13 Attend a 1952 class reunion..805-643-3456 or invest
$30,000 by calling 770-641-7601
- 13 Porcupine Pman studies Rustonics real hard but learns
nothing. Paskahousu drops another load on another 61C
- 13 Ameritech buys out British Telecom and merges with Texas Telephones
in the worlds largest deal- 599 trillion dollars!
- 13 Paramedics rush HB to the emergency room- dopehead found in a state
of
- 13 Munich 1- Arminia Bielefeld 0, Ebbw Vale 4- Cardiff 3, Boston 7-
Montreal 2, Edmonton 9 -Philadelphia 0
- 14 Chinese Haku Hash stocks rocket to the top...up
27.2%...SamboBigPictureBigBucks gets very pissed and gets his pistol out
- 14 call Becky at 888-221-8263 or get cash at
800-586-7786 drive a truck to 800-800-0870
- 14 martyr-sheister Doughboy cries for himself all night and Ice Princess boils down to her basic elements in the heat of the night
- 14 A sure sign of spring is that the bluebirds are back on the
telephone line and 375 lb human gorilla Buckminster trims down to 374
- 14 In this nightmare PLG is alone reading the Tibetan Book of the
Dead. She eats some left over cookies she had hidden under her PC and
a man walks in the room. It appears to be the Pope but she is not
certain...only later she realizes its Garcin. He tells her to get
dressed for success so she puts on a tight skirt, 7 inch heels and
ruby red lipstick. The 2 are usherd into another room where Estelle
introduces Inez and they all sit down for a pleasant chat.
- 15 Infoseeks pick of the
week..............http://www.webtoaster.com/olson.htm
- 15 World is stunned by reports out of Aldanskaya- a man, said to be
171 years old claims he is former US President Andrew Johnson
- 15 Hakio Hardturd and Stiffneck Sambo rob a liquor store on the way home after work- the Boozeboyssucceed again
- 15 Marge submits an offer to buy the Urawa Reds for $231.6 million.
Hamilton county officials file a law suit against her
- 15 Modernday cavemen reported all over Boston, McKeesport, Port Vue,
Lincoln Boro and all surrounding communities
- 15 Doc Undercyclothyme tells Beluga Gastrointestinal Hbomb he must
stop playing the anal flute! Big Lumox has a temper tantrum and drops 2
buckets of human sewage on the Docs floor in rebellion
- 16 All-americans flock to- http://www.ugcs.caltech.edu/~micah/sterno/
- 16 BigPicture Rubberneck goes to church with his pistol in his pocket.
After the service, Sambo heads for his brokers house
- 16 Pissed SamboRambo tells his broker he is a fan of Trotsky...that he wants reimbursed for the dough he lost on the Chinese Haku Hash stocks...
and then pulls out his pistol. Mr. brokerman pleads with roughneck killer
Sambo not to do anything rash but Sambo fires 5 shots- hitting the broker
once (in the ear). The other four bullets hit blurry-eyed
Sambogoon....paramedics rush the wounded to the the local vetinarian
- 16 Get a STEEL mill job..fax-972-960-2070 Get a GEORGIA
steel mill job----404-818-8100
- 16 Washington County Sheriff notifies WTAE news that a big ugly
mastodon looking creature was seen in Bridgeville
- 16 In an exclusive interview with the LA Times OJ admits he killed
both Bobby Kennedy and JFK! Fuhrman says he knew it all along!
- 17 Wearing green- Heroinballs goes to his doctor for a checkup. The
doc tells him he has
- 17 Rosie Odonnell, all dressed up in green, interviews OJ. He tells
her he did not plan to kill anyone... it just happened
- 17 Caveman
heaven........................http://www.mbhs.edu:80/~gyang/jokes/misc/big_chief
- 17 Irishhearted Sambo leaves the hospital so he can hit green beer
with his close buddy Chief Hakio Hardturd
- 17 Doughboy eats green bagels...Vindictive sheister bitch wears a
green wig...Hakio and Sambo wear red noses
- 17 Ice Princess buys a crate of green condoms for a special WEARING
OF THE GREEN convention/free for all!
- 18 Stooge Lumox Beluga Walleye pulls out 6 of his largest hemorhoids
with a pair of needle-nosed pliers as they are interfering with his anal
flute playing
- 18 Jiang sends Clinton a letter stating that he has gotten word that
homo-erectus has been found at Lake Turkana, Kenya
- 18 7 are killed when a riot breaks out at the Big Beerbelly
Convention in Omaha
- 18 6 are murdered when a riot breaks out at the Wino and Vagrants
Reunion in W. Hackensack
- 18 earn by calling 800-916-8969 x 200
or $30,000 part time by calling 800-445-0966
- 18 dopehead Heroinballs starts moooooooooooooooooooooing
uncontrollably- pops 37 valiums to calm him down
- 19 Smokin Joe Porcupine sues Phillip Morris because he cant smoke any
more- files for $13.6 million in damages
- 19 Get a Job in Milwaukee driving a
truck.....414-571-8486. Heroinballs cant figure out if hes yin or yang
- 19 International Brotherhood of Unionized ISDN Cable Pullers elects
Buckminster (Hemorhoid) Caveman as its new regional rep.
- 19 Pencil-necked whimp Sambo- tired of being pushed around and
manipulated- joins the Joe Weider body building academy
- 19 Clinton sends Jiang a letter telling him that radio is now
available, too.
- 19 Brad Smith notifies the media that microscopic life has been found
on Uranus. This life form, known as micro-beluga ecoli may be beneficial to humans in the future
- 20 Stiffneck finds himself on the www
at::::::::http://www.aftonbladet.se/kultur/7.94/ekman1.html
- 20 Drywall--304-233-3846, get $100,000 at 805-378-5343, to be a HOT
SHOT- fax 314-427-6945
- 20 Hardturd, Stiffneck and the Belugaboys hit the Whiskeybarrell Pub for a session with Reginald Truscott-Jones
- 20 National Inquirer reports that OJ cut his own head off with a
machette. A note by the bed said it was unintentional-however
- 20 A tidal wave of diahhrea clogs the Boston sewers a Stinking
Human-gorilla Buckminster Brownpants expells a weeks worth of internal sludge/waste
- 20 Lottery bombers for today: 3170, 626, 14-8-22-7-17, 0041, 299, 720,
30-33-6-19-17-1 and
- 20 Marv Levy announces he will retire after the end of the 2000
season. Jimmy Johnson signs a 30 year deal with Miami
- 21 Human watermellon Brownbagger Stinkfest Beluga Baluga calls off
work sick- says the moon is pulling his body mass toward his head
- 21 stupid Yesman cant figure out-----------
http://math.harvard.edu:80/~verbit/scs/cranks/plore.scs
- 21 attend a bridal show- call 412-776-3109.....get a free brochure at
800-628-4422
- 21 Hungover from yesterdays monumental blowout....(very) Stiffnecked Sambo and (very) HARDturd Hakio both call off work sick. The brothers
sleep most of the day. Dazzed Sambo eventually attempts to read the
Bhagadvad-Gita but gets all confused
- 21 Stoned rubber-armed Sambo remembers about his Joe Weider training.
Late for the appointment, Sambo hops in his used car and drives at 90 mph
to Wellsville. Arriving 3 hours late- the trainer tells pencil-necked
whimp SamboCheesecake to hit the road. Sambo gets really offended and gets
his rifle out of the trunk and heads back to avenge the situation. Inside,
the trainer grabs the rifle from BigPicture and bends the rifle barrell
around Sambo (pencil) neck and kicks him out into the alleyway. Sambo vows
to get the big brutal beast
- 21 A.N.U.S. sends a flyer to its members announcing a special package
where the boys can join the Cannabis International and get big
savings on bulk shipments of weed. Over 66 million dollars is plowed into
the offer in the first hour
- 22 Boston 6- Ottawa 0, Vancouver 5- Tampa Bay 0, Florida 0-
Buffalo 0, San Jose at LA cancelled due to heavy snow
- 22 slopped-up dopehead Heroinballs visits the modernday caveman Brownpants at his shack. HB cries his heart out to the big Beluga....everything is wrong! HB admits he is a drug addict, pervert, alcoholic, lazy worthless con-artist, that he has no moral or ethical
principles, that he suffers from severe delusions, has organic brain
disease and is nothing but a human wretch. The big Gorilla
takes his turn- balling to his buddy that he is a yellow bellied
weasel, living glutton, uneducated cannibalistic lazy sheister, waste of
carbon atoms, egocentric self-serving slob and a reservoir of
gastrointestinal caous. The martyr twins cry for hours
- 22 Buckminster (Caveman) Brownpants seeps out a silent-murderer blast.........Heroinballs runs out into the street, gasping for air
- 22 SJMF Doughboy traps a
mongoose on his slum property. Mr. Lard bites its head off and eats the animal raw before his wife finds out he caught anything
- 22 .
Modell proposes that the NFL become the AAFL
- 23 IP plays the holy-roller at church- then gets ready for a hard
nights work with 30-75 johns
- 23 Rubberneck Sambo convinces his card-playing friend Hakio that they
should go to the church today. After the sermon the boys hit the Rochester
Hunters Club for an all day bombarding
- 23 GM and Chrysler announce they will shut down all operations in
Windsor immediately-GM will build a plant in Nakhodka and Chrysler will take over an existing facility in Nesna. Billions will be saved as a result.
- 23 Jane C crawls out of the woodwork. She sets up an elaborate plot to
allure DS involving gotterdammerung, mail fraud schemes, covert sabotage, garlic procurement and dodecahedron marketing. A weird alliance developes as sheister Wigwoman spills the beans on this plot to arch enemy DS. Big
galoot contacts Johnny Cochran, Janet Reno and Eugeen Coon and a
clandestine counter operation is set up and put in operation to trap Jane C in the act
- 23 Smokin Joe Pman wants you to visit
this--http://www.cs.wvu.edu/~deweyg/ti/horsepowered.html
- 23 Twiddling his thumbs and snapping his heels, Rubberneck Sambo
asks Hardturd if he can go out into the field? Hardturd says you need more formal education
- 24 In an exclusive interview with Contemporary Murderer Monthly
OJ admits he shot down flight 800
- 24