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Dan Sroka December 1997 Calendar
- 1 On Monday Night Football the Dallas Texans whip the Chicago
Cardinals 17-0 as Don Meredith passed for 3 yards and ran for 7. After the
game Don told ABC....man, I am tired!
- 1 A powerful locomotive pulling 552 jam packed people filled Pullmans
crashes into a super-mag-lev express freight train with a cargo of 30
trillion tons of pure Carolina tobacco near Vishakhapatnam. The India
Qrissa Express was completely demolished, wrecking every one of the 552
cars and killing every single person (estimated to be between 500,000 and
1 million passengers) on board. The Royal British Lead mag-lev cargo train
was untouched in the catastrophe and in fact traveled at over 200 KPH all
the way to its Calcutta destination before anyone on board realized
anything was wrong. In Calcutta, the Lead engineer told the police we
were on a super-nicotine high from that tobacco and I think we passed into
the fourth dimension! As compensation for the human carnage the
family of each and every victim killed in this catastrophe will be given a
bail of Carolina tobacco free gratis
- 1 Stiffneck/Rubberneck Sambo Rambo relaxes in his recliner after a
hard days work. To facilitate his pleasure and minimize his distractions,
Stiffneck has rigged up a hose from his 5 gallon home brew rotgut wine
carboy. He has a second hose connected to his doink which serves as a
urine catheter to a nearby floor drain. Thus the innovative boozeking can stay reclined all night long sipping an overnight supply of quasi-cribari,
never having to leave the recliner (unless he has to take a shit)
- 1 The GREAT LEADER Kim Il Sung-mo asks the UN for a special
(no-payback) loan.....$60 trillion (US)
- 1 NASA bulletin:
- 2 Park Joon and Kim Pil ask the UN for more money (no-payback).....
how about $150 trillion (US)
- 2 The Pohang Iron and Steel Co. declares record profits...all
share holders will get a dividend of a bucket of pig-iron bolts by Christmas
- 2 Arthur McBride floors Modell, Alighieri floors Virgil, Cochran
floors OJ, Milosevic floors Harry Franzen, Richards floors Jagger, Dr.
Hector Kilroy floors Lasorda, Lilliput floors PLG, Cimrman floors Capers
and Henri Paul floors the SJMFs
- 2 In Seoul a dual-public humiliation ceremony is conducted...first Kim
Jung is chopped up into pieces and hung and next Shinichiro Kaneko has his arms and legs cut off and sewn on backwards and upside down. Kaneko is then forced to do 300 pushups (or pull-downs, as the case may be)
- 2 Days of heavy rains flood the Oregon Harney Basin. JPL scientists
state that this might be related to the impending crash of Tempel-Tuttle
comet with planet earth. Furthermore, NASA reports asteroid 1993 KH will hit the Earth, too
- 3 Ignoring military regulations Commander Isotoner Romanovich informs
the media.... no damn comet is going to hit the earth, now or for a
million years to come! Post conference Commander Isotoner Romanovich is
placed in isolation in the brig
- 3 Riots break out at Tiananmen Square, Nakshbandi Stone of Desire and
at Rancho Sante Fe. All are supposidly related to impending doom. General
Turigidson (who was shacking up with some sluts in a Murnau cat-house)
broadcasts from Munich....There is nothing to fear....if we can kill a
million in one train accident.... we can stop any comet or asteroid headed
for Earth!
- 3 Janes Intelligence Review reports Isotoner Romanovich is a
know paranoid schizophrenic and Turigidson is a confirmed psychopath
- 3 Become a manager...fax 610-775-2449.....Get a good job- be a
warehouse person--800-718-5219
- 3 Sambo BigPicture human distillery wakes up...dazed and confused. He sees an empty 5 gallon carboy next to his head. Through his blood-shot
eyes he sees he is as big as a balloon...suffering from excessive edema...
Sambo heads for his doctors office
- 4 The following ISPs are fined $20,000 each for illegally accessing
digital internet porn movies...ppp28.ysu.edu, 194.74.62.2, 130.131.26.189,
mxi.informatik.tu-chemnitz.de, www-proxy.crl.research.digital.com,
snert.aea.ruhr-uni-bochum.de, nwhn02-sh9-port31.snet.net ,
ww-tg61.proxy.aol.com, + m02.ts01.brooknet.com.au.
- 4 Dr. Schizobergerwicz checks over renal failure Sambo Stiffneck.
Schizo asks Stiffneck what have you been doing? Stiffneck tells Schizo Ive
been sleeping! Schizo prescribes a powerful diuretic and bottles of
vitamin B complex. Sambo heads home, hooks up the hose to another (full)
carboy and the other doink/hose and relaxes
- 4 The FBI reports that an elaborate hoax has been uncovered. Sheister
Slob Doughboy is not dead! . The human-pig paid CNN to announce his demise but when the check bounced, the authorities were brought in.
Doughboy was apprehended in a mid western meat packing facility where he
was eating up all the plants profits. He was shipped home to his vindictive bitch wife for all the punishment he can ever indure
- 4 In a special ecumenical public broadcast Messiah Nanak Varhamana
Abdul-Alibaba II, Shaman Mahavira-juni Lao-Tze Garu-Guru, Rabbi Emanuel Berkovitz, Shaman Voo-doo E. Ignoramus and Dhritarashtra IV speak at the Tower of Babel. The wise men inform the world community.... youre in good hands with us! Dont worry about anything! Send us all your money now.
- 4 Thursday night at Pedros Pool Hall sees the
boys drunker than usual and the rumors more confused than you might expect: What if that comet Huygens Probe C/1997 T1hits the earth?.... Who did Jane Curtin review?
....NO TRAIN can go faster than the speed of the 57 Chevy! ....Werent the
Babblelonians a race of intelligent aliens?.... Ice Princess is shacking up with Hakio and he blew a big fart just as he came....The United Brotherhood of Proletariat Manual Workmen got Isotoner gloves as a union dues stipend, etc.
- 5 Carboy booze express Sambo has a seizure halfway through his second bottle and starts rambeling off shit about Sverdlov Square, May 5, 1920
with Eino Rahja...hes had a liquor induced flashback that facilitated his
passing to a time/space worm hole to the past
- 5 Horticulturalist Heroinballs grows special plants in his attic hothouse...betel, kava, kaner, caapi, pituri, fly agaric (amanita
muscaria) + and bushels of ergot fungus
- 5 The Western Australia Wasteland Reporter announces that an
unnamed woman has given birth to 27 babies, 20 girls and 7 boys in the
Rawlinna Rural Veterinary Stable. All babies are in critial condition and
not expected to live
- 5 Newspapers and other media across the globe start broadcasting horror stories about the comet headed for earth....essentially the end is here!
- 5 Fatman Doughboy preaches to the world.....I am the true
salvation. I will guide you to eternal peace. You can trust your soul to
me and me only......send me your cash now!
- 6 Laos officials temporarily convert the Friendship Bridge into an ice
skating rink and Oksana Baiul entertains 30,000 malaria victims before the
ice melts
- 6 In the WWF- Moonman Butterfly vaults into the number one contender slot after knocking out Vince and the tag team title changes hands as big
boys TEMPEL and TUTTLE beat up the Russian KamAZ Naberezhniye Chelny
Leusha vodka twins
- 6 World leaders call a special summit in London to discuss what we can
do to save the Earth from COMET TEMPEL-TUTTLE . Moi suggest
bringing it down with spears but that was quickly nixed. Rawlings proposes
a billion arrows but that doesnt fly either. Conte says voodoo would do
the job but this was unannimously rejected. Clinton says EMG pulse
microwaves might do the job and Bongo seconds the motion
- 6 Across America people celebrate....its EMG or death! Teenage girls
have hot sex in the mall rest rooms, punk boys snort crack until their
noses turn blue, old drunkard geisers slop up billions of gallons of Bud, aged bags eat kielbassa until their dresses pop open and the test pattern fades away, theoretical physicists dream up ludicrous-preposterous Vernon
Dent theories and internet goons read asinine shit like this
- 6 Mabel + Maribel Modrono dance until their toes hurt, Tiri Te Kanawa
sings tenor until her vocal cords fail, and Budu Mdivani, Gustave-Paul
Cluseret, Olga Ulyanova, Grigory Efimovich Rasputin, Nikolay Boitsov + Anna Demodova ride the Moscow subway until their asses get sore
- 7 NASA scientist call Clinton on the hotline: If we can convert the
sun into a neutron star it will invoke FRAME DRAGGING and begin pulling
space and time around it. Tempel-Tuttle + Asteroid 1993 KH would be sucked
down into this vortex like a big long turd flushing down a wide-mouthed
toilet! Clinton confers with the CIA and gives the NASA/Houston boys the
go-ahead. The secret project will be dubbed The Super Big-bang TT Frame
Septic Flush
- 7 The European Space Agency gets word of this Super Big-bang TT Frame Septic Flush project and informs the power mongers in Paris, Brussels, London, Madrid, Bonn, Vienna, Hague, etc. that it cant work and might just end the universe as we know it! All the big wigs fire off email to the US Govt. protesting this plan.
- 7 The Japan Space Agency gets word of the Super Big-bang TT Frame
Septic Flush and the nation goes berzerk. From Kagoshima northward to
Wakkanai people protest and strike. The JSA scientific gurus propose an
alternative plan to end the threat of the Tempel-Tuttle...... the
Super-string Elongated Ramen Noodle Vibrating Dildo project is offered. The JSA girls say the Super-string Elongated Ramen Noodle Vibrating Dildo
could safely titillate the rampaging comet into another trajectory and
force it into a dark matter black hole on the other side of Lalande 21185.
The Nation applauds this proposal and 3 million Japanese send email to Clinton about this
- 7 The Soviet Space Agency learns of the Super-string Elongated
Ramen Noodle Vibrating Dildo project and The Super Big-bang TT
Frame Septic Flush theory and the Star City boys suggest a third
option to eliminate Temple-Tuttle.... The Soviet version would incorporate using the MIR. A trillion liters of vodka would be placed on MIR and it would be directed straight for the
comet. The MIR would HOSE DOWN the Tempel-Tuttle...burning it out and
saving the world! The Soviet scientist dub this project the Leusha/MIR
Tempel-Tuttle Pissdown .
- 7 Special Calendar Note.....this is YOUR opportunity to
vote on which proposal/theory should be utilized to eliminate
Tempel-Tuttle. Justify your pick a) The Super Big-bang TT Frame Septic
Flush, b) The Super-string Elongated Ramen Noodle Vibrating Dildo project
or c) The Leusha/MIR Temple-Tuttle Pissdown, with a 30 page essay. Email
your essay to the following address: sroka@angelfire.com
- 8 Carboy booze express Sambo wakes up and heads for work for the
first time in weeks. On the job Agualung Stiffneck screws up unix beyond
repair and gets into a fist fight with masturbating meatball Big Lumox Cro-magnon
- 8 Hardturd announces Heroinballs will be off work 2 weeks for mental and physical R+R. Souped-up Sambo challenges Hakio
- 8 Rabbi Emanuel Berkovitz and the Antwerp diamond cutters make an alliance....no flushes...no vibrating dildos and no piss downs- and thats final!
- 8 At the Wilmerding Beef Saloon Baluga H Cornhole nearly incites a riot. He gets the United Brotherhood of Proletariat Manual Workmen all pissed off telling them that the end is near and that
Sambo/Rambo has been in nirvana. The workmen, all souped up, head out the
north hills to lynch Sambo Carboy
- 8 Five drunkards, too tanked up to leave the Beef Saloon watch Frank Filchock toss 8 interceptions as the NY Titans bomb the NY Giants 60 to 3
at Munchener Olympiastadion.....the boys passed out in the first quarter
(so they really did not watch too much)
- 9 Early in the morning, the Proletariat boys (dressed as Denver
skinheads and Nazi-storm troopers) bust into Sambo/Rambos basement and tie up the comatose living wine machine. The boys then slop down 5 carboys of home made tokay, quasi-cribari, raisin wine, chardoney and pseudo Tiger Rose. After drinking all of the booze the slobs wreck Sambos basement and hang his unconscious carcas on the wall with duct tape
- 9 World media has a field day.....DIE WELT declares: Leusha/MIR
Tempel-Tuttle Pissdown cant possibly work....China Radio/Anshun
reports.....real ramen noodles could not be strung out that far and what
kind of dildo is going to titillate it anyway? and the London
Midnight-Post/Mirror warns.....if we convert the sun to a neutron star
what will happen to the dragging frame...
- 9 PLG has another nightmare- PLG wakes-
startled and mentally drained
- 9 Leisure king Heroinballs has a field day in his hot house attic
eating loads of ergot fungus and smoking large quantities of fly agaric,
betel, kava, kaner, caapi, pituri. HB tops it off with a 5 ml syringe of
pure morphine to his jugular. Just before he passes out HB thinks to
himself....man did I get over on Hardturd, AGAIN!
- 9 Weather patterns begin to be affected by Tempel-Tuttle. Monumental
floods destroy most of Canada while Mexico is hit by thousands of
earthquakes that kill hundreds of thousands. Russia freezes over.. the
warmest temperature is -99 C in Siberia! Australia is ravaged from one end
to the other by mile high tidal waves and the Nile begins flowing backwards
- 10 As usual, the world stock markets collapse.....the Hong Kong fat
cats cry in their tea, the NYSE boys eat strychnine like candy, the Paris
brokers stop beating their meat, the Frankfurt weiner kings eat no-fat
yogurt and the Tokyo girls drive their imported American Cadillacs into the Tokyo subway
- 10 Ugly behemoth sharlitan God slob Doughboy goes at it again. On his soapbox grandstanding.... I am the real messiah...I can save the world.....put your trust in me, for I have been martyred all my life... I
will take you away from the comet and to the promised land.
- 10 CBS reports Commander Isotoner Romanovich has been mysteriously
murdered in his brig cell. No investigation is pending
- 10 Get an entry level job- $35,000....fax 732-938-5380 or get a home
built at 800-280-8523
- 10 The elite bourgeois rise up....its time to kill the proletariat
goons! Millions of nerds are sent to the gas chambers
- 11 Sambo Carboy Ducttapeman sobers up enough to untangle himself from
his wall rack.....the lumox sees all his broken up carboys and goes
absolutely psychotic, pulling out his NRA gun collection. He heads for
work, driving at 120 mph...mumbeling --I will slaughter those fucking bums!
- 11 NASA reports COMET TEMPEL-TUTTLE is right on course...the Earth is
the bulls eye.... the Goddard and JPL gangs also state Asteroid 1993 KH
and Asteroid 7977 (1977 QQ5) are zooming toward our planet!
- 11Shaman Mahavira-juni Lao-Tze Garu-Guru states....dont worry
about anything...everything will go away
- 11 Mr. Baluga H Cornhole calls a meeting of the Federated Unionized International Brotherhood of CaveBeings, the Unionized Central Brothers of the American National Union Society (ANUS), the Federal Brotherhood of Stooge-Lumox Belugas, the United Brotherhood of Proletariat Manual Workmen, the International Brotherhood of Unionized ISDN Cable Pullers, and all the other goons. Baluga H Cornhole informs the boys...you must act now....overthrow the powermonger bourgeois.... the boys go home and get their NRA high powered rifles and put on Denver skinhead masks and go lynching
- 11 SamboMachoCamacho flying down highway 29 with his arsenal passes
the unionboys who are headed in the opposite direction to get their rifles
and pistols......Sambo has a vague sence that something is out of kilter
but he cant put his finger on it
- 12 Al-Jumhuriya Bulletin: The Tempel-Tuttle thing is nothing more than
an imperalist hoax! Death to the great satans!
- 12 Fuhrer Braunschweiger Helmut III announces....down with everything and everybody! Wheres the jagersnitzel?
- 12 The Tower of Babel comes tumbling down. The three wisemen say- Look to the East. Nebuchadnezzar says- Look to the West. The NRA says- buy some weapons. The Federated Unionized Brotherhood of Local Meat Butchers says- lets eat beef!
- 12 Sambo snapped out in his drive south and awoke in the foothills of
West Virginia. Mr. Ruffneck decides to capitalize on the opportunity and goes hunting for deer, bear, elk, caribou, mastodons... whatever
- 12 Rifles, assault weapons, automatic hand-guns, etc in hand... the
boys march and proclaim Skinhead murderers forever!! Lets kill everyone!!
- 13 Kak Meat-eater Cannibal Flatulance-bomb leads the boys into West
Virginia....well kill all the rednecks there first
- 13 Heroinballs wakes from a deep drug induced coma....His buddys cant be found.....where is everyone???
- 13 On the ABC Evening news Judge De Langle de Cary warns: we will not
tolerate vigilantes....impending doom or not! We will shoot anyone carrying a weapon on site
- 13 The West Virginia National Guard is mobilized by Styvestant E.
Blosthiggins III. Styvestant calls his nephew Heroinballs for assistance
and the drugking makes a B line for the mountains
- 13 General Turigidson orders the Marines on red alert and
Field-Marshal Rommel activates the 37th Storm Troopers
- 14 Baluga H Cornhole crosses paths with Kak Paskahousu
Brownpants/Shitpants ... the 2 ignoramus stooges fight a bloody dual for
over an hour.....finally it dawns on them...what are we fighting for? The
goons become good bloody friends
- 14 The political bigwigs meet again in London at Downing St. Will it be Pissdown, Septic Flush or the Elongated Ramen Noodle Vibrating Dildo?
The heads of state debate for hours. Some like the titillation part, some
like the hose down concept and some like being framed! Some say the
calculations are all fucked up and the Tempel-Tuttle will not hit the
Earth but will crash into the sun converting it into a dark matter white
hole that will produce a unilateral super-quasar. The heads dont want to
hear this shit...they want to discuss titillation, hose downs and going
down into black holes
- 14 PLG has another nightmare: I dreamt all this shit in this calendar
so far. God am I sick! PLG wakes in a mental quagmire
- 14 Nobody gives a shit any more.....the Texas boozeboys drink until
they drop, teenage punk drug addicts take dope to the bitter end,
Suffragettes stuff til they cant stuff no more, millions march all over until they are tired of marching, magpies indiscriminately shit all over Europe, etc. etc.
- 14 Deep in the heart of the WVA wilderness Heroinballs comes across
some Chinese Haku Hash....HB is in bliss land again
- 15 In the food section Die Zeit reports that Fuhrer
Braunschweiger Helmut III has developed a special receipt. Bratworst goes
well with blanched ramen noodles. The secret is to soak the noodles in a
pot overnight with a freshly used dildo. Fuhrer Braunschweiger Helmut III
says he has been in 7th heaven since utilizing this concoction...who cares
about a comet anyway! Pass the ramen noodles
- 15 The Charleston Sad-eyed Cancer-sisters smoke until their lungs
collapse and Doughboy panics- smokes 42 straight cigs
- 15 A new craze sweeps California.....ramen noodle soaked
dildos.....Its a big hit in San Francisco
- 15 The world power monger conference ends at Downing St. The leaders
say its the the Super-string Elongated Ramen Noodle Vibrating Dildo
project that gets the nod. The JSA girls applaud and eat bowls of
ramen noodles next to their computers. The girls run out and buy new
imported american Cadillacs in celebration
- 15 Billions demand flavored ramen noodles by the buckets! The Hongding
Famine Peoples Ramen Noodle Commune goes into full twenty four hour
production..... Likewise, the Shandong State Plastic Factory turns out
millions of plastic pulse microwave dildos for the never ending world demand
- 16 For a brief moment the world forgets about its problems and
everyone has a good time. The stockmarkets all rebound and the world is a
collective bed of roses
- 16 The Keck II spys study COMET TEMPEL-TUTTLE closely. They reveal
thats not Applewhite riding it but Kathleen (Kitty) Godfree . The
world is flabergasted and stunned! Wei Cui says this all is a hoax and if
you drag the frames you will see for yourself.......
- 16 At the Whiskeybarrell Pub the boys get loaded again ..... Where is Heroinballs? I dont like ramen noodles! Ice Princess has a diesel
powered dildo she used on Poindexter J. Skinflint last night! Heroinballs is in San Francisco...I wonder why? Sambo is a no-good bastard...he never was any good! Lets go kill the SOB now!
- 16 General Lungren declares the Earth is doomed. Messiah Nanak Varhamana Abdul-Alibaba II says look to the south. Helmuth von Moltke
warns... look to the north. Lt. General Shizuo Yokoyama talks trash: ramen
noodles will be your demise!
- 16 Chinese cargo ships and rafts send out trillions of packages of
ramen noodles...most headed for Tokyo, Osaka, Nagoya and Kyoto..... girls
drive up to the docks in their imported american Cadillacs to get cases of
Hongding Express Noodles
- 17 The French bordellos empty as fans rush to stadiums with bowls of
ramen noodles to watch FC Gueugnon, RC Strasbourg and AS Monaco.
- 17 All of the old drunkard geisers leave the Plaza de Cataluna and head to the Barcelona bull-killing-pen to see their boys take on Deportivo Coruna.. The slopped up geisers eat bowls of ramen noodles/paella, drink
bottles of cerveza and barf all over each other.... Who in the hell cares
about a comet...this is life! After the game, the geisers meander back to
the Plaza for a good nights sleep
- 17 These sites have been banned for illegal theft of cyber-ramen
noodle receipts: paris25-043.paris.worldnet.fr,
proxy-113.iap.bryant.webtv.net, c7302-001.v-wave.com,
irv-ca12-10.ix.netcom.com, tampa1-046.southeast.net,
ww-ti43.proxy.aol.com, ww-tl04.proxy.aol.com, + 208.128.8.159
- 17 Hakio Hardturd tells Sambo Rubberneck the boys are planning to kill him. Sambo snaps out again and gets out his semi-automatic gatlin gun and heads for the boys union hall
- 17 Hardturd calls the Belugas, Cavebeings, Human Gorillas, ANUS gang, and Proletariat goons and warns them Sambo is on the rampage..... the illiterate slobs get out their pistols, rifles etc. and prepare for war
- 18 The European Space Agency warns....Asteroid 5634 (1978 VT6)
is headed straight for us! It will wipe out Earth!
- 18 Sambo/Rambo has a nervous breakdown on the job...goes crazy and holds Hakio hostage with his 5 gallon carboy of home-made rotgut wine...in
between gulps of wine... Stiffneck Sambo tells Hardturd --Im tired of all
these fucking comets/asteroids, and people taking advantage of me!--
- 18 In Aldanskaya, 171 years old Andrew Johnson says all this crap
about comets/asteroids is nothing but poppycock!
- 18 The Pacific Rim nations inform the UN... we need
$71,560,308,121,090,402,002,601,300,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.00 just to stay afloat. The Pacific Rim dudes ask that the money be sent in
unmarked brown paper packages @ RIPOFF , Changi Airport, Singapore
- 18 After a 3 hour standoff, Sambo Rubberneck goes into an all-night
sleep-off and the hostage situation ends without incident
- 19 A new threat is uncovered as the New York Post reports that Comet
C/1997 J1 (Mueller) and
will both plow into the Earth...... the whole planet is engulfed in fear, trepidation, denial, anxiety
- 19 Seezing the opportunity, blubbery shamartist Doughboy gets up on his soapbox ---- I am your salvation, believe in me for I am not a false-God, I will save the universe, I can summon Yahweh at the snap of my fingers
- 19 Everyone is in utter fear and confusion! Is this the end? Is this
the beginning? Die Welt reports Ernst Wilhelm Liebrecht Tempel has
appeared to many in unexplained apparitions. His message is always the
same..... soak your used dildos in ramen noodles now!! . Many swear
they saw John Russell Hind likewise who suggests that you cant always believe what you see
- 19 The Star City boys drop a bombshell......129P/Shoemaker-Levy 3 and
43P/Wolf-Harrington will collide with Earth and there is no escape.
Estelle, Inez Serrano , Joseph Garcin, and the Valet cry rivers of tears
- 19 Park Joon and Kim Pil ask the UN for more money (no-payback)....an
additional 900 octillion dollars cash
- 20 vicious skinheads go berzerk in Denver.....lets kill everyone,
including ourselves!
- 20 Olga Ulyanova, Grigory Efimovich Rasputin, Budu Mdivani, Gustave-Paul Cluseret, Nikolay Boitsov + Anna Demodova enjoy their ride around Moscow but their asses are now so sore they cant walk....they ride
for another hundred and fifty miles
- 20 An 85 story Titan rocket is prepared for launch housing the
super-secret the Super-string Elongated Ramen Noodle Vibrating Dildo
project . The JSA girls shine up the exterior
- 20 Buckminster Caveman Shitfest has the usual gastrointestinal disturbances.......ramen noodle shits!
- 20 These ISP connections sign up for the (first ever) cyber
pay-for-view of the Titan Ramen/Dildo launch on the internet:
216.huntsville-001.al.dial-access.att.net, md51-124.mun.compuserve.com,
dksn128-12.dksn.udel.edu, ww-tk23.proxy.aol.com , sm6283.mcclellan.af.mil,
ld53-053.lon.compuserve.com , pm014-28.dialip.mich.net, 207.137.24.219,
oakgrove40.midwest.net , unitedtech-bh.carrier.utc.com, 163.249.92.27,
host.metlife.com, unknown-140-246.ssd.loral.com,
svwww008.stl.mo.boeing.com, winton.gcal.ac.uk, 200.32.42.133,
gatekeeper.cigna.com, ganymede.ext.eastgw.xerox.com,
1cust96.tnt16.hou3.da.uu.net, 204.185.108.85, and 194.18.100.12
- 21 Ice Princess serves up cold ramen noodles to Farouk and Porcupine
Pman. After the meal, IP gives them both a pre-holiday/grand finale tour
of the universe and ties them both up in super strings
- 21 Sheister Wigwoman uncovers a conspiracy as she consults with Mordecai...how could they do this to me? Wigheadbitch plans retribution
- 21 Reno orders Freeh....get those skinheads now. Ernst Wilhelm
Liebrecht orders... get those dildos now
- 21 Tiempo requests that the old foggie drunkards be banned from the
Plaza de Espana! Send them to the Cataluna
- 21 Messiah Nanak Varhamana Abdul-Alibaba II says look toward the
sun but Interim PISS commissioner Igor Vladiverstok announces......look toward the moon
- 22 The JSA launches the the Super-string Elongated Ramen Noodle
Vibrating Dildo 85 story Titan rocket without any hitches.... the girls
clap and applaud until the fake fingernails fall off and then drive their
Cadillacs over to the docks for sushi and ramen noodle stir frys
- 22 Hung-over pencil-necked geek MamboMoneybagsSambo gets fired for
being drunk on the job....Sambo crashes his jalopy on the way home,
killing a family of 4 and knocking out power to half of the north hills.
Sambo/Drunkard is sent to prison for the holidays
- 22 The Washington Post reports Swami Arjuna Dhritarashtra IV has told
his followers- prepare for apocalypse
- 22 The German Bundesbond Internet Weinersnitzel Foundation
announces.... Frauline Fellatio Freda has cleaned up Fulda and headed for Darmstadt
- 22 The MIR boys call Star City... its an emergency....an 85 story
dildo shaped projectile has just plowed through the space station and
ramen noodles are covering everything!
- 23 The Federal Brotherhood of Stooge-Lumox Belugas orders
Brownpants/Shitpants Caveman to get Sambo out of jail no matter what it takes
- 23 Shaman Voo-doo E. Ignoramus announces Swami Arjuna Dhritarashtra IV
is a sharlitan and should be burned at the stake
- 23 Fuhrer Braunschweiger is seen at a Fulda bordello eating bowl after bowl of ramen noodles....he says he cant stop-
- 23 The World shakes like never before.....Comet Hartley 2, Asteroid
1994 LX, Asteroid 2102 Tantalus, Comet Tempel-Tuttle , Asteroid
3688 Navajo, Asteroid 5634 (1978 VT6), Comet C/1997 T1 and Lilliputia
are all going to crash into the Earth at the same time!
- 23 The Star City boys say---see, we should have used the Leusha
Pissdown! Its too late now
- 24 The JSA girls report Lalande 21185 and Procyon A have both
mysteriously blownup....this might be the beginning of the end...
- 24 Sambo is released from jail on his own recognisance.... Judge
Prepuse P. Foreskin is seen exiting from the jails rear exit with a suitcase full of $100 bills
- 24 Swami Arjuna Dhritarashtra IV brutally attacks and nearly
kills Shaman Voo-doo E. Ignoramus but IV gets a real pounding from Dr.
Schizobergerwicz. Schizobergerwicz is attacked by 3 Denver skinheads and
the skinheads are pounded silly by Meat-eater Cannibal Flatulance-bomb,
Grommie, Wallace + the Penguin. Foreskin gets caught up in this
mele/fiasco and all his money is stollen
- 24 The JSA girls warn....there are no guarantees on anything in life
- 24 At the Wilmerding Beef Saloon Baluga H Cornhole nearly incites a riot. He gets the United Brotherhood of Proletariat Manual
Workmen all pissed off telling them that the end is near and that their
union dues were stollen from Foreskin. Cornhole tells the UBPMW gang that the skinheads stole the money from the judge. The boys go hysterical and
vow to get the skinheads before the comets/asteroids fiasco kills everyone
- 25 The JSA girls activate the Super-string Elongated Ramen Noodles
which vibrates/titillates the dildo... the stratosphere is completely
engulfed in a super layer of impermeable ramen noodles
- 25 Heroinballs has a Christmas CRACKOUT hitting mescaline,
crack, psilocybin, amidone, nembutal, Chlordiazepoxide and Levo-droman for
breakfast
- 25 Buckminster Beluga Shitfest eats like a wild bull at the downtown 10th Ave. Frozen Soup Kitchen. The big gruesome egotistical moron gets pissed off however as they had no ramen noodles (after he ate everything
else available). Stinkman drops a load right there in the mess area and
leaves abruptly
- 25 NASA reports that comets and asteroids are bouncing off the impermeable shield like empty wine bottles crashing against Sambos basement walls..... the world owes a lot to the JSA girls!
- 25 Sheister Blubby Doughboy states........
- 26 MGM Grand Garden- Las Vegas burns to the ground but no one was
injured...everyone was out shopping and gambling
- 26 The world media credits the JSA girls with earths salvation.... the
girls go out and buy new imported Mercedes and drive them down into the
Tokyo subway system to celebrate
- 26 The turkey-stuffed modernday cavemen, gruesome gorillas, ANUS boys
and behemoth belugas stay pulvarized all day today at places like the Ross
Chinamans-Tse Tao Club, the Liverlips Bar + Grill, the Wexford Funky Hunky
Club, Pedros Pool Hall etc. as their illegitimate wives spend all day shopping and shacking up with their down-the-street honky-tonk lovers
- 26 A mass murder is reported in - 57
killed by a gunman at Burger King after he ordered a double Whopper + got
a fish sandwich instead
- 26 Gustave-Paul Cluseret, Nikolay Boitsov, and the Kassel Huskies meet
up with Frauline Fellatio Freda in Darmstadt. A good time was had by all
- 27 The GREAT LEADER Kim Il Sung-mo request a UN fiscal bailout......60
octillion cash
- 27 General Turigidson, Heinrich Himmler, Alvar Nunez Cabeza de Vaca
and Dr. Poindexter J. Skinflint have an unsanctioned free-for-all in
Denver
- 27 Tokyo Jibletta News reports 35 JSA girls have been
slaughtered in head on Mercedes/subway tram crashes...the nation is
devistated and shocked
- 27 Shaman Voo-doo E. Ignoramus announces big Doughboy is an imposter and should be eliminated once and for all
- 27 In Calcutta Swami Arjuna Dhritarashtra IV preaches high speed
super-mag-lev express freight trains should be banned
- 28 Become a technician...fax 334-639-3309------Fax YOUR resume to
614-265-2426
- 28 Heroinballs is rushed to the ICU with an overdose of cytomegalovirus which he thought was a new hallucinogenic
- 28 As a result of El Nino, not to mention the layer of impermeable
ramen noodles, world weather patterns go haywire
- 28 The Federated Unionized International Brotherhood of CaveBeings
take their annual trek up into the Yukon for a massive moose and mastodon hunt
- 28 In Labrador the International Brotherhood of Unionized ISDN Cable
Pullers collect for their annual seal/walrus kill. The pullers slaughter
everything in site, including humans
- 29 The proletariat goons rise up....its time to kill the elite
bourgeois! Millions of nerds are sent to the death chambers
- 29 Ho Chi Minh City declares financial insolvency......$100 billion is
need now! Send your money to the Vietnam Rice River Delta Bail-out Fund
- 29 vicious skinheads again go berzerk in Denver.....lets kill
everyone, including ourselves....skinheads purge themselves
- 29 The EU is bankrupt......requests all the money in the world or the EU is done!
- 29 The heavily indebted poor countries announce .......send us your cash now in brown paper envelopes
- 30 No one has any money! The Earth is a financial wasteland
- 30 Shinichiro Kaneko protests not having any money and as a symbolic
ritual of self-humiliation cuts off his own head and sends it to OJ
- 30 Everyting is free...the planet goes bonkers
- 30 Fatboy Sheister quasi-preacherman pseudo-messiah SJMF Doughboy
preaches....give me everything.....
- 30 The boys up in the Canadian wilderness indiscriminately kill bears, moose, mastodons and everything else.. The boys give out their victors
battle-cry.......
- 31 Wednesday night at Pedros Pool Hall sees the boys drunker than usual and the rumors more confused than you might expect: I dont give a
shit about no foreigners....as long as I have Bud to drink and animals to
kill, Ill do fine.....FUCK those damn foreign goons ...they arent americans and George Washington said --all we have to fear is aliens themselves--
Lets kill off all of those foreigners- we can use them for our
bear-traps....I never did like those damn rain-man noodles anyway
- 31 millions gather in Times Square to watch a taping of Kaneko decapitating himself
- 31 Helmuth von Moltke, Field-Marshal Kitchener and Fuhrer Braunschweiger Helmut III party slopping up Wurzberger Brau at the Brandenburg Gate....the boys drop after consuming 20 liters each and
eating bratworst until their intestines ruptured
- 31 Cadillac and Mercedes driving kamikaze JSA girls plow through the
Tokyo subways dodging trams
- 31 Folks in North and South Carolina stay home watching TV all day and night, smoking tobacco until their houses are so full of pollutants they have to exit to get some fresh breezes from the adjacant tobacco fields
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3/08