While you and your pitiful fellow countrymen have been sitting around blowing putrid kielbassi gas bombs, wishing for pay increases on your menial laborer ditch digging jobs, and beating off thinking about Cheryl Tiegs and Mae West, I've been roaming through the wasted northland you hunkies call provinces, making deep inroads into more than you imbeciles have the capability of imagining. I warned you simpletons before- I'm taking over! My mandate is clear- I will control you with an iron fist. You old bastards that remember Nikita.... you ain't seen nothing yet. You young rebellious punks that don't know any better, I'll break your backs and a few other things as well.
First off, stand at attention and salute your leader Baluga H Cornhole. That's better! Now, get in line, single file, and march to the table...pick up one acetic acid anal enema kit, march to the latrine, and self-administer. If you refuse, I'll have to do it to you myself. One way or the other, you're in for a messy time under my command. You, over there....deeper- deeper!
Once you worthless ignorant goons have purged yourselves of all of your kielbassi and pork meatball waste, you are more fit to be in my presence. Listen up- yeah- you fat boy! I was with your woman last night and I wallowed in her like a walrus on a penguin. You'll never know her again. My girth takes any ones breath away. She indicated you weren't worth the gas you are made up of, anyway. Stand at attention.. I WILL NOT say it again. Can you speak English? Perhaps you can't.
My boys and I have made lots of progress since you last learned of my autocratic ways. In short order, we took over the Regina Municipal Cowbarn and set it up as our interim union headquarters. My men had a field day in that wasteland! First off we set up CUM , the Canadian Unionized Mounties. You never heard of it, did you, you modern day caveman? I moved a battalion of the United Brotherhood of Proletariat Manual Workmen up from southern California and these wet-back taco eating greasy spleens expediently took over the Saskatchewan provincial wilderness wasteland. While you lazy slobbish heifers sat around eating pierogies and slopping down buckets of Molson's, my boys were out killing moose, mastodons and grizzly bears. The CUM gang said that's good eating? Personally I never touch the stuff. At my age I eat plenty of fried cabbage and sauerkraut mainly. Then, when I'm in the presence of ignorant peons like you I can drop putrid bombs left and right. That will keep your nasal passages unclogged. Take that, buffoon.
Next, my people from the International Brotherhood of Unionized ISDN Cable Pullers made a rampage through Saskatchewan and Manitoba. Both of these wasted territories have been completely wired to bring you untanned white hunkies into the 20th century! You can hook up your Commodore 64k computers and your 300 baud modems to the SasMan network for only $45 (Canadian) a month (1 hour access per week). You get a free acetic acid anal enema kit if you sign up before Nov. 11 (Remembrance Day).
You illiterate pissheads are easy pickings. I ordered a gang of my Federal Brotherhood of Stooge-Lumox Belugas from Montana into Alberta, and, at every small town from Magrath up to Edmonton, they reported nothing but fresh cherries for the taking. I had to order the boys back to Helena they were so wasted. You will pay for this!
Next on the agenda, my troops are taking over Ontario, British Columbia and Quebec. I'm ordering 2 battalions of my Federated Unionized International Brotherhood of CaveBeings, one from Texas and one from North Carolina, on the Quebec trek. These are my best cow punchers.... they'll be in tip top shape to square away you rebellious French fags.
Meeting adjourned!
3/08
